One Day

The days flew by as my mind travels back each and everyday. What once was a colorful world has grown back to its dank and gray appearance. But, it isn’t really that bad is it? Time waits for no one, moves at its own pace, does what it wants. How I wish the days would end…

knock knock

“Hey Jenn, it’s time to come eat breakfast.”

Jenn turned around and saw her sister, Jacki, standing at her doorway, beckoning her to join the family for morning breakfast. She closed the journal she was writing in slowly and stared out the window.

“Jenn, you’ve been staring out that window every morning for 3 years now. Please can you just tell us what is wrong?” Jacki pleaded. The rain beat down on the window relentlessly, yet soothing with its rhythmic beat.

Jenn sighed and replied,”Yeah Jacki, I suppose it is time to let on what has been going on these years.” She motioned for Jacki to sit down on her bed.

“Let me tell you a story dearest sister. Maybe once you hear this, you will understand… Maybe I’ll understand…”

“Understand? … Understand… what??” Jacki replied, dazed and confused that her sister is actually revealing something that’s been apparently haunting her for 3 years.

“Listen… listen to the rain outside.. and listen to my story.” said Jenn.

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I remember it like it was yesterday. The sun was beaming in all its glory, not a cloud in sight with the weather perfect, the perfect summer day. I was strolling through the park and I saw this boy sitting on a bench. Curious as to what he may be doing all alone, just sitting there, I slowly walked over. Much to my surprise he was fast asleep. He looked so peaceful with the wind blowing through his hair and the birds chirping that I dared not disturb him. Sadly in my advance towards him, I must have caused quite a ruckus since he awoke with a jerk. Glancing around he sets his eyes on me. At that immediate moment I was captivated by him. Even from quite a distance, his eyes shined a beautiful deep blue, almost matching the sky in color. I felt myself completely mesmerized and captivated by the beauty. He had a scruffy look, brown highlighted hair, semi shaven, and all he had on were a pair of blue jeans, a white T-shirt and a pair of worn out Adidas. Seeing how he discovered my presence already, I slowly walked over and introduced myself.

“Hi. Ummm my name is Jenn. I saw you sleeping here but I didn’t want to disturb you.”

He yawned and replied, “Morning beautiful, I’m Vincent. Thanks for waking me up, I guess. It was a pretty decent nap I must say.”

“Oh, what are you doing here sleeping in the park? Why not do that at home?” I asked curiously at this new friend.

“Well you see, I sorta got kicked out of the house for talking back. Apparently that’s not a very good idea. And neither is trying to run your mother over when she tries to keep you from leaving.”

I chuckled out loud trying to imagine what it would have looked like if I was trying to run over Mom after she kicked me out.

He cocked his head and said,”Is it really that funny?”

Embarrassed beyond belief, I replied, “Well I was just imagining what that scene would look like but I placed myself in your place instead.”

Honestly, I couldn’t believe how childish I sounded. It felt like I was back in 3rd grade having my first crush all over again. But then I realized, I think I am falling for this complete stranger. Something about him felt so right, the way he looks and talks, the way his eyes seem to shine whenever I stare into them. I felt so lost at that moment, so conflicted with feelings, thoughts and emotions.

Turning away I said to him, “Well I have to go, I guess I’ll see you again whenever.”

Maybe never, I thought to myself.

“Wait!” I heard him scream. “How about I take you out tomorrow after I sort things out with my parents?”

Time stood still at that moment. I didn’t know what to think or what to say. Out of nowhere I managed to muster up the strength and mutter a feeble, “Ok that sounds good.”

We exchanged cell phone numbers and departed on our separate ways. I watched his black Mustang roar off into the distance and I thought to myself, what the heck just happened??

The following weeks I can’t recall completely. I spent almost every waking moment with Vincent. He was on my mind night and day. I could easily say I was in love. Now don’t laugh. When you know something makes you truly happy beyond belief, that you would do anything for unconditionally, there is something there. I was happy for once in my life. I felt... not to be cliché... complete. Every moment with him felt like eternity. Once we started talking, I realized that we were perfect for each other. All my life, no one has ever made me think as much as he had. The way I had to change my mind set to match his ever mysterious mind gave me so much joy. I wanted to figure him out. It was like he was a puzzle. Deep down I was determined to be the first one to solve him. To reach to the center and figure him out. What kept me coming back to him over and over again was the fact that when I thought I had him figured out, he would do the exact opposite, unlike ANY boy I have ever met. He was the love of my life. The definition of perfection. No one could replace him. It’s not like I wanted anyone to. But as I learned, happiness never lasts forever. As much as you would like to freeze the moment, hold on to it and never let go, it manages to slip right out of your grasp.

I woke up that morning happy as anything, waiting to see him. You see we were never officially together. I spent time with him because I loved it. Don’t get me wrong I’ve asked him out plenty times but was shot down each time. Still this didn’t defer me from my feelings for him. I can truly say I loved him with all my heart. I remember driving to his house that day. At the intersection before his street, I noticed there was an enormous wreck. Feeling a bit edgy I got out of the car and walked towards the scene. The police officer at the edge told me to stay where I was, that there was a massive 8 car pile up. Only one person had died. I remember freezing in my spot when I heard that. It was too much; I had to see what happened. Something deep down stirred within me that was too much to bear. Before even seeing the actual wreck, I saw the bobble head I gave him for his birthday laying on the ground, head separated from the spring and body. Something inside me snapped that day.

After that, it was just a blur. All I remember is the funeral. I stayed there long after the reception was over, kneeling next to his grave crying. I cried so much that my face was raw from the tears. And after that day, I stopped. There were no more tears left. There was nothing left. I had no will left in me. It started raining that day. It rained for 3 days if you remember. I came home and came right to this very spot in my room and stared out into the rain. My once colorful and bright world had taken on a gray tinge. As the days grew on, my world gradually grew grayer and grayer. I don’t see in colors anymore. Everything is plain and static. One day leads into the other and I don’t feel anymore.

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Jacki was speechless. There wasn’t anything she could think of to say to her sister, who had taken on a strange new look. Jenn’s hair and appearance all appeared so much older all of a sudden. Much older than she should look.

“Wow Jenn. I didn’t know.” Jacki said after a long moment of silence.

“It’s ok dear sister. Neither did he.” replied Jenn solemnly.

Jacki was still in shock from this sudden knowledge of her sister’s life. She was eating herself away everyday because of this. Jacki had to do something.

“Jenn, please help yourself. Realize that he is gone and won’t come back no matter how much you love him. Please there’s no point in destroying yourself slowly each day. It’s been 3 years for heavens sake! Please, come back to us.” Jacki pleaded.

“Jacki, you will understand one day. I can’t come back. There is nothing left of me to come back.” Said Jenn with a slight chuckle, “Now you go ahead and run downstairs for breakfast, tell mom and dad I’ll be down shortly.”

“But, but…” stammered Jacki.

“No buts this time. I’ll be down shortly I promise. I just need to finish something really fast.”

“Are you sure? You promise you will be fine?”

“Yes Jacki. I promise.” Jenn replied.

She watched her sister reluctantly leave the room and turned once again to her journal she had been writing in.

Time comes and goes like the wind. The seasons change and bring about no beginnings without doubt. We long to be accepted by others probably due to insecurity. But when we find the one for us, we fight with all our heart to keep them forever. I’ve realized that no matter how bold our heart and how strong our will, there is a chance that the one will be stolen from you. That our happiness will be replaced with an empty void. Perfection. How do we replace perfection? In our hearts, it is ground in the ones shape and form. How do we replace that? In my heart there is only Vincent. No one else. No one will ever replace him. One day I met a stranger. One day I fell in love. One day I lost it all. One day… I might live again…

Jenn slowly shut her journal and went downstairs for breakfast.