Sitting, almost-shaking,

Almost dying – wanting to,

At any rate. Blind terror

From the inside out,

The outside in, unordered

Confused. Everything

Not right. Wrong –

Too early, the time

Eleven at night

Too early for sleep. So

I sit, awake

My head spinning while I sit still

Overwhelmed, it’s all overwhelming

Almost-crying,

Almost-dying

Almost slicing me open

To feel! To rid myself

Of the creeping fear,

The terror, unimaginable

How is it possible

To feel such fear. But I do

Face pale, losing weight

Not working, falling

Behind

And falling into the black – I’ve

Gone past dark now.

Walking the house

In the dark, seeing

Through the specks of light

Seeing nothing, and

Being scared… almost-screaming

Wishing even for sleep!

For oblivion, any escape

Wishing to run away

From me, anything to

Lose the fear, the black darkness…

Running away, getting lost

In the darkness. Sleep

Brings… its own dark

Nightmares hunting me down

And would wake –

Almost-morning, but

Not quite. Awake

Delirious, hallucinating

In my cultivated madness.

Seeing things, I hear them

The voices, blurred through fog

Invading me

I can’t run

Need to escape.

Certified insane? Almost

Almost-screaming

Almost-dying.