Rebirth From Ruin?, a General story

If it ain’t mine, it ain’t mine! Yes, there’s a bit of parody in there! Have fun!

Rebirth From Ruin?

Chapter 18 – We Must Retake The Earth!

Somewhere in Space

Somewhere in deep interstellar space, where a drifting chunk of rock and a spinning piece of charred metal were the only things visible, being as it were various interstellar gasses were not, A small dot of yellow light appeared. It opened into a wormhole, leading from the Yellow Heaven, into the section of Black Heaven that the small objects were aimlessly adrift in. Through this portal came an armada of silver ships. The biggest of the ships had an appearance similar to a long slender barracuda. On the “tailfin” was a faded symbol of a giant fish curling its tail around a planet. But far more prominently, there was a Jolly Roger, or pirate’s flag. This one had a red background, with a pair of crossed machetes, and a skull that was wearing a sombrero. It identified the ship, and all of the other ships around it, as belonging to the Sombrero Pirates.

Aboard this ship, which was the flagship, a boy pressed a couple of buttons. This would seem like it was either a child playing with electronic entertainment, or a child calling an elevator or funicular. But it was neither. This boy wore a white sombrero, a red t-shirt, and a pair of brown cargo shorts. And his arms and legs were spring-shaped. There was even a slight coil in his neck. Otherwise, he was a black-haired, fair skinned human boy. A door slid open. In came a slender woman with long hair. “Captain Springboy, you summoned me?”

“Yes I did, Marissa. Where are we?”

“We’re in the Black Heaven. There’s many places to loot, and with our success on the Nuanua freighter, they’re searching the Yellow Heaven, so we stay here.”

“Brilliant as usual, First Mate Marissa.” He sprung up and kissed her. She didn’t exactly like it, but he was the captain, so she tolerated it. A blue light flashed. Marrisa pressed a button.

“Please check your radars, we’ve got a fleet of ships on a nearby course,” came a gruff voice.

A holographic radar appeared, showing the general area of space. Indeed, there was another armada of ships nearby.

“Shipsmith Myron, give us the report,” ordered Marissa.

“The odd thing is it’s a real mixture.” A holographic image appeared. “We have Oava’ia’i based.” An image of a U-shaped ship appeared. “And Nuanua.” Several other ships flashed. “Stuff from Earth.” Yet another image. “And YaYaNiaferia.” Then it showed the Sarandra of Ene, and a flashing question mark. “But we’ve got this as well.”

“And what is this thing?” demanded Springboy.

“I don’t know. And it doesn’t have any normal signatures. No ion drives. No rocket propulsion. Yet it’s moving. But there’s also unusual energy signatures. We’ve got ourselves something that doesn’t make sense. What’s moving it, magic?”

On cue, there was a bright flash of light in the room. A blonde-haired man appeared. He wore a sleeveless tunic, and numerous golden necklaces, as well as designer sandals. He held a staff that had eight snakes entwined around it, as well as a sphere at the end. “My liege,” he began. “The reason Myron is so confused, is because it is magic that powers that ship. Magic of great unknown potential.”

“Yes, Mestopholes!” cheered the captain. “I mean, that’s good.”

“It may be beyond our understanding. The lone magical ship may be more dangerous than all the decoys combined.”

“But it may be worth more. I’m going to be the BEST PIRATE EVER, and nobody will stop me.”

“But my liege, we need you in one piece!”

“Nobody can defeat me, and they say I’m just a little boy. I am Lucky O’ Liffy, the Springboy, the Greatest Pirate EVER!”

“I have no choice but to trust you. May I at least request that we verify the strength of…”

“Certainly, but do it quickly, I wish to PLUNDER!”

The Sarandra of Ene

Vanessa was walking through one of the corridors. She felt something strange. She focused. Something was wrong. “Connect me to the radar station. We’re being probed!”

One of the many structures added to the top during the modifications on Pavonia, the Radar Station was, as the name suggests, where the radar equipment was kept, to complement the decidedly “non-standard” sensors used by the ancient Pavonian spaceship. It also housed communications equipment, in fact the proper name was the Radar and Communications Station, or Radcom for short. While it had relays connecting it to the spaceship’s bridge, at the moment it was staffed by radar officers and communications specialists of the “Alpha Kameo Guardians,” the particular division that had many of its members stationed aboard the Sarandra. Vanessa’s call came in. “We’re being probed, could you please check the radar?”

Radar officer Lt. Jonathan Worthington, of the Royal Airforce of the United Kingdom, checked the basic radar. There was nothing. “It’s bloody clear.”

“What if they’re cloaking?” suggested Captain Lusia Etefia, from the Wesa’s Army, Naomi, YaYaNiaferia.

“We’ll check for signs of distortion.”

“They’re there alright. Look at the starlight, it just isn’t right,” said United States Marine Corps 2nd Lieutenant Maxwell Brown. “What kind of shit is that? Look at the viewing screens.” He pointed at one. “See those dancin’ bulges? It’s a distortion field, and it’s sitting at the fringes of our radar. We must get the Captain.”

The Captain, in this case, did not refer to anyone of the military rank of captain. In fact, in terms of comparative ranks, she was not even an officer. But she was in charge, because it was theoretically her ship. The “her” in this case meant none other than Keira Katherine Ene Pikaku. It was assumed that “Keira” in this case meant “Sergeant.” But due to the circumstances, as far as all the forces aboard this ship were concerned, she was the second most superior officer aboard the ship, second only to Queen Aroostook, who was acting Commander in Chief for the various forces. She was cuddling with Bobby on a couch when the intercom came alive.

“Yes?” she asked. She was told of the situation. She got up off the couch, and went to a console against the wall. She pressed a variety of piano-like buttons, and then she spoke. “Vanessa, use your abilities to distort. Everyone else, Standby. Radcom, try communicating. And release the Spiral flares.

Mr. Barracuda, Flagship of the Sombrero Pirates

“My liege, we have been detected,” said Mestopheles. “And this…someone is trying to overwhelm me with psychic signals. It is from a female pororo.”

“PORORO?” asked Springboy. “They must be very powerful, if we could get it…”

“And they can be dangerous. Thanks to the demised Mr. Fish, they have a ‘never again’ mentality. And any attempt to exploit them may well backfire.”

“Are you a magician, or a coward?” demanded Springboy.

“I am a magician, and a prudent strategist. We have to ascertain the situation…”

“I’m a-scertain that Lucky Springboy can do ANYTHING!” came a high pitched girlish squeal. A girl of Lucky’s size cartwheeled into the room. She had green hair in pigtails, and wore a light blue hood with chinchilla ears, as well as a dress with a blue hollow diamond on it, and gloves and slippers that resembled the paws of some animal. She leapt up and down. “They can’t stop us, they can’t stop us!” She dashed over to Springboy and quickly kissed him.

“You do not fully comprehend what the Captain is suggesting, little girl!”

“DON’T CALL ME THAT!” She bitch-slapped Mestopholes. “I’m Sikinds.” She held up a purse shaped like a chinchilla head and swung it around. “And I’m cute and special, and I LOVE my sweet Lucky, and he can do ANYTHING!”

“My Liege, as much as I respect him, is still confined and bound by the chains of natural order. It is therefore impossible…”

“SHUT UP!” She noticed flares coming out of the Sarandra in a circular pattern. “What are those?”

“Warning flare,” suggested Marissa. “But I don’t know who uses that pattern. May I suggest that we show ourselves and radio them?”

“You may not wish to do that,” warned Mestopholes. “I magically scried the vessel. There are several Pavonians. It’s been many a century since Pavonians were last seen away from their homeworld, but that is who I sense. Their Enagi warrior-priestesses were trained to kill. Do you still wish to take the risk?”

“DO I? I DO!” retorted Springboy. “Don’t tell me you’re scared of some holy girl!”

“The Enagi wielded powerful magic. This is madness. I kindly request that you abandon this mad mission.”

“If I do, you won’t be the greatest sorcerer in the world!”

He shot up short range lightning from his hands. “I AM THE GREATEST!”

“No, because an Enagi could defeat you. But I’ll cancel this mission if you want to..”

“DON’T!” fumed Mestopholes, “I WILL BE THE GREATEST SORCERER EVER!”

“AND I’LL BE THE BEST PIRATE IN THE UNIVERSE!” added Springboy. “Marissa, get Grouso, have him open the channels. Lower the distorters. We must strike FEAR!”

The Sarandra of Ene

Katherine observed a viewscreen. It showed static, and then the Sombrero Pirates insignia. Then it showed a man with a square mustache and bushy hair. “He he he, My name is Grouso, nice to meet you, NOT! I enjoy shooting elephants in my pyjamas. How they get into my pyjamas I’ll never know! But the boss wants to talk to you whoever you are. I bet you never have to look for a feather duster.”

“I didn’t come here to be insulted,” countered Katherine, bluntly.

“Where do you usually go? HERE’S LUCKY!” There was more static, and then the face of Captain Springboy appeared.

“Who are YOU?” demanded Springboy.

“Tell me who you are first, homiti (young man),” responded Katherine.

“Tell me who you are!”

“Tell ME who YOU are.”

“You will tell me who you are!”

“No, you will tell me who YOU are!”

“You tell me who you are, bitch!”

“Are you a captain, or a rude boy? TELL ME NOW!”

“I am the GREATEST PIRATE IN THE UNIVERSE, Lucky O’ Liffy, Captain Springboy, leader of the Sombrero Pirates, and I don’t take orders from anyone, missy!”

“You just did what I wanted you to do. You told me your name! I find it hard to believe you’re the best pirate in the universe. Someone else told me that, and I think he’s dead now.”

“YOU TRICKED ME!” he fumed.

“And I am Katherine Ene Pikaku, captain of the Sarandra of Ene, this is Queen Aroostook’s fleet, we are on our way.”

“No you’re not,” said Springboy. “I said that I am a PIRATE.”

“Aren’t you a little too young to be captaining a spaceship?”

“HE IS NOT!” piped in Sikinds, who appeared and kissed Springboy. Springboy just blused and grinned. “SO SHUT UP!” The screen flickered, before transitioning to show Marissa.

“They can be a little loud-mouthed,” she apologized. “But Springboy is my captain. You realize that this means we will be coming aboard and taking everything of value. You will probably all end up as slaves. Things will be less awkward if you surrender right now.”

“Surrender?” asked Katherine. “You wish us to surrender, and just give everything to you?”

“You are quite good at comprehending the situation, Enagi.”

“How do you know…”

“Mestopholes, our resident expert of all things magical, told me. So you are from Pavonia. And that staff seems to be very valuable, but I’m certain Mestopholes knows of its true power. Oops, How rude, I neglected to properly introduce myself. I am Marissa Leau, Second in Command of the Sombrero Pirates and First Mate aboard the Mr. Barracuda. I would love to talk longer with you, but we have plundering to engage in, we are, after all, pirates.”

“You will take nothing from us,” warned Katherine. “Aboard the flagship is the Enega Warriors, a group of heroes like you have never seen.” She gave the names, but was careful to say nothing about their abilities.

“Nine have no chance against our throngs of loyal fighters!”

“But I only told you about nine of the people aboard one of our ships. We have a variety of forces. The United States Marine Corps. The O’iveland Iron Maccabees. The Forty-Second Enu Riders of the Silver Army of LeNuanua. I still haven’t listed every force we have.”

“That is ok, as we can ascertain your strength ourselves,” commented Marissa. “But as our captain is the Greatest Pirate in the Universe, we shall be attacking you. You are ordered to turn off all weapons, engines, and shields. You will offer no resistance. If you resist, then you shall be shown no mercy, for you deserve none. Do you understand?”

“I don’t this part about ‘ordered’, who gave you authority over our vessels? Yo no soy marinera. ¡Yo si soy capitan!”

“What?”

“I learnt it from a song. I don’t really no any Spanish. But the point is, you have no authority.”

“You are correct. These are not my orders, even though I like then, they are the orders of Captain Springboy!”

Springboy jumped into the picture, and his legs stretched and contracted like springs, as did his neck. “Yes, ME!” he insisted. “So surrender!”

“You know nothing about us,” cautioned Katherine.

“You’re just a bitch with a feather-duster! So go choke on a lemon!”

“That’s very rude.”

“I know, but so are you for not surrendering.”

“Do Ima and Ipa know that you’re flying their spaceship? I think your Mom and Dad will be angry at you for…”

“DON’T YOU DARE MENTION THEM, YOU SLUT! NOW SURRENDER!”

“No, we won’t surrender.”

“THIS MEANS WAR! GROUSO, RAISE THE SHIELD, BATTLESTATIONS!” The transmission ended.

“I see, Moorea,” said Bobby. “Those assholes want a fight.”

“Please sound the alarms.”

“Yes dear.”

Throughout the fleet, alarms sounded.

In one of the lower pods, a group of Marines were sitting in a lounge. They were on duty, but they were thankful that there was nothing that had to be done right now. Wiring was installed, so that they had TV and radio. But as they were on duty, they had to have their rifles within easy reach at all times (and they would never refer to such weapons as “guns”), and alcohol was prohibited. A bank of lights was attached to the ceiling.

“I just hope that none of those lights flash,” said one of the Marines, as he put on the stereo, and it played the Dead Pool song Bodies. Just then, the lights started flashing. “Shit. Well, grab our rifles, we’ll make the bodies hit the floor.”

An officer came in, accompanied by several Zygan Royal Guards. He started assigning Marines and Guards to specific parts of the ship. “There’s a war going on, are we with me?”

“Oorah!” shouted the Marines.

“I can’t hear you, say it louder!”

“OORAH!” They ran to their designated posts. A few of them were wearing flight helmets. They ran to a lower deck, where they boarded Interceptors. Interceptors were formed from volay, strange flying one-seat pod-ships that were kept aboard the Sarandra of Ene, and equipped with weapons.

The Enega Warriors were all gathered up in the Command Pod, where Aroostook and Tigya were also gathered. Through the windows, various Pirate ships were seen uncloaking.

“If this shit isn’t just great,” snided Korrina.

“They want a fight,” mused Suki. “I like a good fight. I hope they want their shit kicked up to their noses, ‘cause that’s what’s gonna happen!”

“Save your rage for the fight,” warned Sarona. “You’ll need it.”

“Can you let me talk to everyone on our ships?” asked Aroostook.

“Yes, that is quite simple, Your Majesty, I’ll patch you in now,” said Vanessa, as she pressed a few buttons.

“Ok, No-Rani, you are on,” informed Darryn.

“Your attention,” boomed Aroostook, “This is a battle. No duff, no drill.” One of the pirate ships fired a few random laser blasts. “If anyone saw those blasts, I have one thing to say. THIS IS WAR. FIGHT THEM, BLAST THEM, KICK THEIR ASSES!”

Muffled sounds of cheering could be heard through the ventilation ducts. And so the battle began. She smiled, she knew she got the expression correct.

In Space

A wide variety of spaceships formed the two sides. Compartments opened in Mr. Barracuda, revealing an impressive battery of guns. They fired directly at the Sarandra, but a forcefield blocked the shots. Other Pirate ships had doors open, and bowtie-shaped ships flew out of them. They were Bowtie Fighters, formerly one-man fighters that were used by the vast armadas of Mr. Fish. There were also larger ships that flew into the fray, and attacked with a mixture of missiles and lasers. All of the ships on Aroostook’s side responded with various weapons firing. A mixture of Interceptors, “insect ships” from Faeria and “U-Wings” from LeNuanua were the smallest vessels. Larger vessels of all designs opened fire, some of them with enormous guns. Flashing shields, explosions, and lasers illuminated the deep night of space they were in. There was a flash of light, and a multi-headed snake made of fire appeared from Mr. Barracuda, and flew towards the Sarandra. None of its weapons were doing anything. A large ball of energy flew from one of the windows of the Sarandra, and the snake was obliterated.

The guns on the Barracuda went silent. At the same time, several Bowties scattered, and flew to different corners of Aroostook’s force, nimbly dodging fire, but offering none of their own. They let loose small glowing purple pods, which exploded in a fury of lightning. Their engines and weapons went silent. The Barracuda fired several ring-shaped devices at the Sarandra. Attached to these rings were cables. The rings started to glow.

Sarandra of Ene

The ship heaved violently, and bright lights were flashing. The communications systems came to life. On the face was Grouso. He was smoking a cigar. “We’ve got you, those are force rings. Once we find the door we’ll send the boarding tube. In the mean time I’ll laugh at you.”

“Have you no principles?” asked Katherine.

“Those are my principles. If you don’t like them, I have others!” He laughed some more.

“You’re a mean pirate.”

“Pirate? Between you and me I don’t really like being in this outfit. I don’t want to be in any group that would accept ME as a member! But seriously, prepare to be plundered.”

“You don’t scare me.”

“But we’re pulling you towards us, and then we’ll attach the tube. What are you gonna believe, my word, or what you’re seeing with your own sixty-five eyes?” More laughing ensued, and then he blew a series of rings. She looked outside, and saw the Barracuda was almost up against the Sarandra. A flexible tube extended from the mouth, and came close to them. There was a loud clunk. Other tubes attached to other parts of the ship. Katherine directed Aroostook and Tigya away.

“To the middle of the ship, we’ll hold them off!” She held up her staff. “WE MUST ENAGIZE! THROUGH THE SPIRIT OF ENE!” She transformed into the Enagi, and triggered the transformation of the other Warriors. “Split up!” She ordered everyone other than Ingi to different corners of the ship.

“Bring them on,” shouted Ingi.

Aerisa stalked through a passageway. It ended in a large chamber, were a heavy double door was. A new label informed all that it was an airlock door, and not to be opened in flight if nothing was on the other side. A low hiss reverberated. A low groan and the smell of steam signaled the doors being forced apart. “We’ll cover this,” announced one of a pair of Marines, as they crouched and aimed their rifles at the door. Aerisa flew up to the ceiling, where she waited. The door barged open, and tough gorilla-like men charged through, firing all the while. “Ghorkas?” she asked in disbelief. A pair of men in blue pants somersaulted through the door behind the Ghorkas. One of them tossed a small double-edged spinning axe that cut the shoulder of a Marine.

“MEDIC!” he yelled, as he dropped down. Another of them somersaulted towards the Marines, only to be intercepted by Aerisa diving at him. She scratched his face, and picked him up, holding him in front of her.

“One move, and your friend gets it!” warned Aerisa.

The man seemed to somehow flip out, and pushed Aerisa down, and lay her in a back-mounted chinlock (also called a Camel Clutch) and pulled. The other man cartwheeled over to her, and kicked her in the face. Aerisa managed to break one hand free, and instinctively reached up to Michael Jackson the man in the crotch. As he screamed in agony, she sprung up, throwing him off, and spun around and whipped the other man with a Trick of the Tail. The men rushed at her, so she sidestepped and pulled the heads towards each other. She ducked, as gunfire erupted. A couple of shots hit the two men. Aerisa jumped up, and held out her hands.

“WIND SLICE!” She spun around, and launched glowing blades of compressed air at the Ghorkas, disarming and subduing them. The injured Marine and his comrade were moving away, but more gunfire was erupting at them. “You gave away your position,” noted Aerisa, as she spun around. She leapt up, and a ball of swirling air appeared beneath her. She rode it towards them, and punted the two gunners when she was between them. Another group of men, these in rags and charging at her with drawn swords, came from the open door. They ululated as they came towards her. “Is that caterwauling supposed to intimidate me?” she mocked.

“WE HAVE SWORDS!” shouted one of the men.

“I am unarmed, I must be easy to defeat then,” chided Aerisa sarcastically.

“CARVE HER UP!” they shouted in unison, and rushed towards her. She backed up against a wall, which seemed silly, but she knew, that only so many men would have a chance at swinging at her. She leapt and side-stepped blows, thrusts, slashes, and swings from all directions.

“Stay still,” ordered one of them.

“I will,” said Aerisa. She ducked under a blow and tripped him. She kicked the sword away as he let go of it, and it hit someone else. She evaded more attacks, before striking them with her legs. One of them went up to her. She grabbed him, disarmed him, jumped up, spun around, and threw him. He crashed into a couple of the others. Aerisa stood in the Crane kung fu pose. “Now, I said I would stand still. But for how much longer?”

The men gulped, and backed off.

At another entrance, the Pirates did the same procedure. There were also Marines stationed there. A mixture of Ghorkas and gunmen in rags barged in, along with a pair of Ai’a’ive with serrated rings that they slashed with. They dashed to a couple of Marines, who disarmed them. The other Marines were in a firefight with the gunners, but they were easily defeated.

“Fucking amateurs,” shouted one of them, as he observed the casualties, and even more troops who had dropped their guns and seeked cover. Strange music sounded, something like electro pop, but full of bells. And then Sikinds appeared.

“I am the cutest girl EVER, and the cutest pirate in the universe, and I’m going to marry Springboy and live happily ever after!” she chimed.

“You’ll be the DEADEST girl, if you don’t drop to the ground, missy,” warned one of the Marines. Sikinds reached into her Chinchilla purse, and before a bullet was fired, she tossed something sparkly from it. “FIRE IN THE HOLE!” The Marines scattered, as the thing clanked on the ground. It released plenty of sparkles, before lighting up the room in a brilliant display of pyrotechnics.

“GOGGLES!” ordered another Marine. They had their goggles on. “Shit, where is she?” He felt a tap. He spun around, and saw Sikinds.

“I will kiss you!” announced Sikinds. The Marine wasted no time in kicking her. She cried. “You win!” She bent her knees slightly, and looked like she would curtsy. The Marines closed in on her. She grinned. She pulled up her dress, revealing a pair of bloomers, that had light blue rings, one on either leg. With one deft movement, before her dress could fall down, she grabbed both rings, and pulled on them. They were attached by cords to her bloomers. She gave them a pair of yanks. The bloomers inflated, and then they sprayed pressurized red gas. The Marines were suddenly chortling uncontrollably.

“This…haha…bitch…hehehe…is GASSING US! HAHAHAHAHA” complained one of them. They were rolling in laughter. A few of them were beyond reach of the blast. They had their guns ready.

“You can’t do that trick with your undies. That’s it, you’re dying!” They opened fire, and Sikinds just avoided the bullets. When they had to reload, she made her move. The ears of her hoodie stood up. A pair of streams of rainbow rings issued forth. The Marines slowly succumbed to its power.

“STOP THAT!” shouted Abori, who came in. “And while you’re at it, GET THE FUCK OFF OUR SHIP!”

“That’s NOT NICE!” shouted Sikinds.

“Who the fuck are you, Daina? Now back off.”

“NO!” Sikinds aimed her ears, and tried her attack again.

Abori walked towards her, with her Yeaga blade held in front of her face, while she chanted. A shield flickered around her, and she pressed forward.

“You’re annoying!”

“What was your first clue?” asked Abori.

“GO AWAY!” The two lunged at each other, and exchanged punches. Abori focused, and vines erupted, and entangled Sikinds.

“You didn’t think that would happen, did you?”

Her ears twitched, and then moved, and focused on the vines. A low humming heralded the use of an orange beam of light that cut through the vines.

“Where were we?” asked Sikinds. “Yeah.” The two swapped blows again.

Payback was at another part of the ship, and once again, a door was pried open. A company of saber brandishing Ghorkas rushed in. Payback had her Cane assume the form a submachine gun, and she tore into them relatively quickly. A bullet deflected off the ground next to her. Brawny, shirtless men with rifles with long barrels marched towards her.

“Nail!” shouted one of them. They quickly loaded the guns from behind, aimed, and squeezed off their bullets. The guns had larger barrels than conventional rifles, and the bullets made a whizzing noise as they glanced past Payback. A shot whizzed by her left ear. Another ricocheted off the ground in front of her. She took aim and fired, sending them for cover. One of the men aimed his gun, and hit Payback in the lower left shoulder. A sensation of being hit with a fifty pound iron ball reverberated through that part of her body. A smugness enveloped the men. “NAIL!” They fired, but she knew where and when they would fire, so she rolled out of the way. Her shoulder stung. She put down the gun.

“GHETTO BLASTER, PORORO EDITION!” A pair of streams of energy impacted onto the gunmen. “Ha, I NAILED YOU!” A bullet flew above her head, and knocked off her hat.

“That was some impressive marksmanship. But inferior to my skills,” came a low voice.

“Who are you?” A face with dark sunglasses appeared in the hallway. The tall man whose face it was became entirely visible. He had brown hair, and wore a leather jacket and jeans. He had a pair of pistols, and had a few guns slung on his back, as well as a pair of holsters for his guns on his jacket. “I’m not scared!”

“Famous last words, bitch,” said the man. He pulled up part of his jacket, showing that he wore three belts on his pants. They were full of small holes, except where spare ammunition was attached. “I put a small hole into one of these belts every time I waxed a punk. I was a great hit man. I have so many pleasant memories of watching it all end, seeing their life just run out. It really makes my day. I got caught and sent to prison, and they wanted me dead. Captain Springboy saved me, and he wants me to become the best shooter ever. So I will, bitch, and you won’t stop me, bitch!”

“That’s Pororo,” corrected Vanessa. “You don’t call me a bitch!” She picked up her gun. Only to have it shot out of hands with a couple of pistol blasts. It reverted to its Cane form.

“You watch it, bitch, I’m the best marksman there is. Guns don’t kill people. I KILL PEOPLE. I am Harold O’ Toole. But you will call me Filthy Harry. Now who are you, bitch?”

“You’re right. I am a bitch. Because PAYBACK’S A BITCH!” She scooped her cane, and dodged a virtual fusillade from Harry’s guns. She made her Cane become four pistols, and fired them off madly at Harry.

“That’s impressive,” Harry smiled, during a break in the shooting. He removed one of his rifles from his back, and methodically shot the pistols out of her hands. They merged back into the Pimp Cane. “But not impressive enough! I am better with guns than you are, and always will be better, punk!”

Payback ran around, while Filthy Harry continued firing at her. He leapt and hid behind some crates, popping out to harass her with incessant firepower. Payback made her weapon a boomerang, and threw it. Harry dodged it, while continuing to laugh. It was easy for him to find Payback and fire. He saw Payback, and aimed at her chest. Payback rolled up and rolled on the spot. “GHETTO BOWL!” Her rolled-up form jackrabbited at Harry and mowed him down. His gun was flung into the air. Payback unrolled and caught it, before snapping it in half. “That’s what I think of your pathetic gun. And of you.”

“You snapped my gun.”

“Aren’t we perceptive today!”

“I’m also pissed, punk.” He reached to produce a pair of pistols. Payback leapt at him and Ghetto-Punched him in the stomach. A judo throw to the ground, followed by Payback standing on top of him and punching him continuously, finished the battle. He reached up and strangled her. “You made me fight with my hands, do you have any idea how much I HATE that?” He grinned as his grip tightened. “I hate your red fur, I don’t get to see the color rush out of your face!”

“I…just…hate…you!” coughed Payback.

“I don’t give a fuck, bitch!”

“Don’t…call…me…BITCH!” With that, her arms pried Harry’s arms apart, before she hit him in the groin with a double axe-handle.

A primal scream escaped from the gaping maw of Harry. Payback searched him, and found a number of guns. She tossed them next to the snapped rifle. She faced the pile, spread her kula, and held her hands in front of her. “HOME-SLICE SLICEA!” she shouted, and a large saw blade of mystical energy materialized in front of her. It launched, and sliced through the guns and ammunition. There was a lot of popping and burning.. A smile showed her reaction to Harry’s weapons being destroyed. She spun around, and gasped. Filthy Harry had gotten away.

In yet another part of the ship, Noveo was walking towards the Volay bay. While normally one wouldn’t think of using the docking station as a place to attach a ship-to-ship tube, Vanessa/Payback had told him the possibility. Noveo walked onto the ceiling of the main inner Volay bay. The inner doors opened, but there was no announcement about the outer door being closed. Someone had rigged up a connection to the outer bay. Something was buzzing. There were also yellow indicator lights flickering. A puff of air rushed through. A strange droning noise echoed.

“Lost?” came a gruff voice. Noveo looked down, to see a tall man with grey hair. He had a cloak wrapped around him. “Hey…how are you….why are you standing upside down? Ain’t you ever heard of gravity?”

“Yes, I have.” Noveo jumped off the ceiling, and turned over, landing on his feet. “Who are you?”

“My name is Tyrone. I just came to inspect our new ship.”

“This ship does not belong to you. Leave,” ordered Noveo.

“You gonna make me?”

“Yes we will.”

“We? You’re just one man. One man with a funny looking shield.”

On cue, a small group of Marines appeared behind Noveo. They pointed their guns at Tyrone. Tyrone only guffawed. His cloak came undone, and fell off, revealing that he was wearing a jacket. He also had a right arm that was made of metal. “Surrender now,” ordered one of the Marines. “Hands up.”

“I’ll do it, no need to point that gun at me,” said Tyrone, as he raised his hands. Two of the Marines ran at him. He quickly swung his robotic arm down, and an eerie azure display of lightning arced form his arm to the Marines. Glowing red jewels appeared on his arm. The remaining Marines opened fire. A red forcefield flashed, deflecting all of the bullets. “That’s a GAS!” He pointed his arm at the Marines, and a can was fired at them. Gas sprayed out, and the men slumped to the ground. Only Noveo was still standing. “It’s just you and me!”

“Then I’ll defeat you.”

“With what, that fancy shield? It can’t do THIS!” He aimed his arm at him, and several barrels appeared. They fired off shot after shot of thing cylindrical bullets, and Noveo blocked them, but was continuously pushed back by them. “Darn it, you’re supposed to be dead!”

“Am I?” He concentrated, and tossed the shield at Tyrone. Out of instinct, he shielded himself with his cybernetic arm. Sparks flew, and fluid seeped onto the floor.

“MY ARM!” yelled Tyrone. “Well it will done repair itself, and I always have an old standby.” He produced a sword hilt, without any visible blade.

The shield returned to Noveo’s hands. “You have a sword handle. Why should I be scared?” A blade of laser energy sprung out of the handle. “Oh, that’s why.” Tyrone swung, but the Shield blocked it.

“What kind of witch-metal do you have? I want it, and I want it good!” The fight intensified, and he swung madly. Noveo kept backing up. “That’s it, keep goin’ backwards, you can’t escape. I’ve got you!”

Noveo jumped onto the wall, and ran up it vertically. “Can’t you catch me?”

“Don’t make me throw up my sword at you!”

“I won’t!” Noveo dove from the wall, shield first, and came down upon Tyrone. His sword dropped and skittered along the floor. “Now, I want answers.”

“I’ll give you answers alright. Answer ‘who will die today?’” His arm activated. “I still can use THIS!” Several drill bits projected out, and they activated, he aimed it at Noveo’s face, but he backed off. “I don’t need my sword when I can do this.” He spun around on the ground, tripping Noveo, and making him drop his shield. He stood over, and aimed his drills. “THE END!” He kneeled down while plunging the drills at Noveo. Noveo rolled out of the way, and Tyrone stuck them in the floor. Noveo noticed a pair of exposed wires in the arm, so he pulled them out. The drills stopped, and Tyrone’s arm was stuck. Noveo grabbed his shield, and kicked Tyrone before going to the downed Marines. He used an intercom to arrange for someone to take them.

Kuwapundamilia, in Nuanua form, walked into a large storage room. Gunfire erupted, and cylindrical robots with mounted guns rushed into her field of vision. Just as quickly, Marines were taking them on. She believed it would be easy.

“Turn around, nice and slowly,” boomed a stern female voice from behind. She did so, to see Marissa, with a sidearm pointed at her. “That’s it. You weren’t going to help those men, were you? This ship is very valuable, I imagine a large fortune of Marquands, Palan, or Ouraisa could be gotten from the ship alone. And you must have treasure. The Captain would be interested to know just what.”

“Put down that gun now!”

“Please,” snorted Marissa, “I didn’t become First Mate by following pathetic orders from pathetic people like yourself.”

Kuwapundamilia held up her hands, and a pair of swords appeared. “Watch it, bitch!”

“That’s Marissa. First Mate Marissa Anderson. I demand respect.”

“But you’re a pirate.”

“I don’t care,” she smiled. “We have your ship. The forces outside are at a stalemate, and we’ve boarded your ship. In the meantime, all of the forces from Mr. Barricuda are onboard. And while I may not have the accuracy of Filthy Harry, do not underestimate my ability with a pistol. You are holding a pair of swords. The conclusion is foregone.”

“It isn’t. I AM THE WHITE ZEBRA-PANTHER!” She assumed full white-tiger form.

“Nice mask. Now allow me to remove it!” She aimed her weapon, and wrung the trigger. Kuwapundamilia sprung forward, taking a bullet to the chest at the same time. With a quick swing, one of her swords deprived Marissa of her gun. Marissa retaliated with a quick kick to the face, knocking Kuwa backwards. She swung her swords, grazing the front of Marissa’s face. Marissa sprung at Kuwapundamilia, making her drop her swords, and the two grappled on the floor. Kuwapundamilia eye-raked with her claws, just missing the eyes. The payback was a punch to the jaw, and Kuwapundamilia howled. Slaps were exchanged between the two, before Kuwapundamilia sunk her claws into Marissa’s right arm, and twisted it, while simultaneously kneeing her. Inhuman cries of anguish rang out. A few Ghorkas turned to help their master, only to be gunned down by Marines. “You bitch,” she managed to yell out. “You ruined my suit.”

“As you said, you’re a pirate. Pirates get into these messes, bitch!”

The ears on Sikinds’ hoodie glowed. “Oh no you don’t!” Abori took her down with a flying kick, and turned her over, facing the ground. A strange tuba-like note sounded, replaced by snoring. “Even you can’t stand your own shit!” She dragged Sikinds away.

Enagi and Ingi waited. “Will anyone make it here?” asked Ingi.

Mestopheles appeared in a flash of roaring flame. “Did you have to ask that?” asked Enagi.

“You’re an Enagi,” stated Mestopheles.

“Yes, you know!”

“I heard of the legend. I thought they were just a legend. I thought your planet was a legend. But it is true. I feel honored to meet you.”

“And who are you?”

“Who am I? I am only Mestopheles, the greatest mage in the universe!” He spun around, and raised a hand. A three foot flame lept upwards and faded.

“And why are you here?”

“Oh, I knew there was something I neglected to answer. But it is of no relevance. I am the great Mestopheles. I identified the power of this vessel, I shall have all the secrets it possesses. You will hand me the staff, girl.”

“Did you just call me ‘girl?’”

“Yes I did, child. You are a mere child to me! In age and powers.”

“M name is Katherine. Katherine Ene Pikaku. You aren’t my father, so stop this patronizing!”

“I am the great Mestopholes. I take orders from but Captain Springboy and First Mate Marissa. I am a sound mind in a sound body.”

“Your mind isn’t sound.”

“I grow tired of these insults, girl!” He extended a hand towards her, and a fireball flew. She deflected it with her staff. “You wish to resist me?”

“Yes. This is MY ship. LEAVE!”

“You did not hear me. You will not order me. You will submit, and hand over the Enagi staff. It should be wielded by a true master.”

“I don’t see any true masters here.”

“INSOLENCE!” He held up his hands, and his own staff appeared. It had an eerie glow around it. It had a long brass shaft, and either end had a lion’s paw clutching a glowing sphere. Around the wrist of each paw was a bracelet inlaid with jewels. “I have my own staff. I will not be denied the powers that you have!”

“YES YOU WILL!” yelled a voice from behind him. He was ambushed from behind by Ingi, who sunk his claws into his robe, and the flesh underneath. He spun around and threw him off.

“I am also strong, you vermin!”

“Now you are being disrespectful to my fiancé,” snided Enagi.

“Your WHAT?” he asked. “You will be marrying THAT thing?” He pointed his staff at Ingi. “A Ya’a Naomi…with Ai’a’ive wings?”

“I’m mixed blood,” explained Ingi, as he sluggishly stood up. “You have a problem with that?”

“She should be engaged to a true man. Namely, myself.”

“Before, I hated you for breaking onto our ship,” said Enagi, as she held up her staff. “Now, it is personal.” She held it in front of her, and spread her tail. Her tail eyes lit up, and released glowing energy bullets aimed at Mestopheles. They penetrated his skin, and torment percolated throughout his body, blood trickled from his skin, and small holes formed in his tunic. His face was a study in expressions of pain. But a smile slowly formed.

“FOOL!” he bellowed.

Ryuafi had his blades ready. Yet another connection existed between the Sarandra and Mr. Barricuda. Gunfire erupted near him, as some Ghorkas and Marines took each other on. A group fo sword-wielding pirates attacked him. He immolated them with his breath. “Anyone else want to take me on?”

High-pressured water sprayed Ryuafi and knocked him down. “It’s nice to have met you, and I’ve got no one to blame myself!” Before him stood Grouso, holding a fire hose. He wore a smart suit, glasses, and a fedora. “Do you care to get up? I don’t want to see up that ugly thing you’re wearing. Hold on, you’re an ugly looking thing!”

“And you’re a fucking pirate.”

Grouso put a cigar in his mouth and lit it. “You’re saying that like it’s a bad thing. At least I don’t have a pair of hat-racks on my forehead. I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll gladly make an exception!” He blew rings of smoke towards Ryuafi.

“Get off our ship!” He held up his blades, and they crackled with fire.

“I never give up to an idiot with parlor tricks. It goes against my principles. And if you don’t like them, I have others!”

“Other what?” he asked.

“Principles, you moron.”

“That’s it, you’re going down, asshole!”

“My name is Grouso, kid!”

“You will call me Ryuafi, chump!”

“Hey, I’M the one who gives the insults here! And what’s more, whatever you want to do, I’m against it!”

“Fuck you!” Ryuafi jumped and spread his wings, and flew at Grouso. Grouso whipped out a hidden shotgun, and blasted him as he approached. Ryuafi crashed to the ground. Grouso swung his gun at Ryuafi and laughed as he made contact.

“I had a wonderful time, and this ain’t it!” Grouso swung again, but was disarmed by Ryuafi’s fireblades. Grouso jumped backwards. “Get up, and try striking me with those knives!”

Ryuafi laughed, and put his fingers in the attached hooked-rings. The hook-knives were attached by chain, and they swung out and scratched him. “Had enough?”

“You don’t stab me like htat!” He took out a pair of machetes. “You stab like THIS!” The two engaged in a knife fight, with clanging, and sparks flying. Both of them managed to hit each other a few times, resulting in shallow cuts. Ryuafi tried breathing, but Grouso would always sidestep the flame. “Why don’t you stop this and go home to your wife? Better yet, I’d go home to your wife. She wouldn’t notice any change, except for a big improvement!” Eventually, Ryuafi had enough, and jabbed him with his horns. Blood gushed from two spots on Grouso’s forehead. “I’d bull-whip you…if I had a bull.” He slumped.

Luzzia let her ike’u shine brightly, as she was in a dark passage. Lights came on, and she saw Captain Springboy.

“This is now my boat,” said Springboy. “I’m the BEST PIRATE!”

“No you’re not,” retorted Luzzia.

“How dare you!” He spun around. “SPRING WHIP PUNCH!” He stopped spinning, and one of his arms extended and hit Luzzia in the head.

“You can’t do that if I do THIS!” She spread her wings and flew up.

“I can.” He shook. “LEG SPRING EXPLODE!” With that, his legs extended, and he jumped. He landed, and the springing action pushed him up further, where he grabbed Luzzia. “SPRING ROTOR PILEDRIVER!” he yelled, as he turned her upside down, and his legs retracted. Her head was smacked on the ground, and his legs extended, bringing her up again. He smashed down, hitting her again. Luzzia groaned as he let go and howled with laughter.

“You haven’t kicked my ass yet,” Her ike’u shone. “LIGHT BARRAGE!”

Spears of light emanated, and Captain Springboy rocked back and forth on his springy legs to avoid them. He rocked back and forth. Luzzia charged at him. “Springboy headspring CANNON!” With that his neck extended, and his head swung towards Luzzia, who shoulder-charged it. The head was sent flying backwards. It almost touched a wall, but was snapped back at Luzzia, who delivered a roundhouse kick at the right moment. It was snapped even further, but this time, it rebounded so quickly, that Luzzia was thrown against a wall. “I’m a spring and you’re glue, it bounces off me and sticks to you!”

That was it, thought Luzzia. She was ready for things to end. Then she also thought “that was it…bouncing off.” She noticed that all attempts on him were dodged or turned around, so she wondered if that was the key to beating him. “Come here and fight, stop laughing!”

“SPRING-STEP LOCOMOTIVE!” shouted Springboy, as he charged at her. She rolled out of the way, and tripped him. He crashed into a wall and banged his head several times. “BITCH!” he yelled. She approached the captain, who whipped out a pistol and pointed it at her. His arm was wobbling, and his aim was unsteady. “DIE!” He fired a few shots, but Luzzia avoided them, and with a sway of her nunchucks, the firearm was knocked from his hand. She reached and grabbed his sombrero from his head. Infuriated, Sprnigboy reached towards her, but she tossed up the hat, and grabbed the hands, that were tied together in a knot. The hat landed on his head. She tied his legs together, and hauled him off.

Enagi knew something would happen. She held up her staff, and shouted “Through the spirit of Ene, I am Enagi-Velosi!” She assumed the form of Enagi-Velosi. Mestopheles let loose a string of fireballs, and Enagi-Velosi was able to evade them with unnatural speed. He scowled. He twirled his staff, and some of his jewelry leapt off his body. It attached to a strange entity that resembled a tall man in armor. It somersaulted towards Enagi-Velosi, and barely missed with a kick. She leapt another attack, and struck it with an upwards kick. The creature stumbled back, and then lurched towards her. Its odd face-less head glowed. A ruby-colored blast launched at her, throwing her back. Mestopholes laughed, but this laugh was cut short as Ingi ambushed him from behind with a tackle. He knocked down the sorcerer, and dug his claws into the chest and face. The mage grunted.

“What’s my name?” demanded Ingi.

“Shut up, you runt, I am the greatest sorcerer in the universe!”

“Just keep saying that, magic boy!” Ingi bitch-slapped him.

“I am the most powerful!”

“You’re not. And you’re just resentful!”

“Of what, swine?” He was bitch-slapped again. “I mean Ingi!”

“That’s better. You’re not that great, and you just can’t stand that you’re a white human male. Unless your name is Merlin, you ain’t good at magic. You’re trying to be a Jamaican bobsledder, right?”

“Quit this nonsense, and unhand me!” He held up a hand, and his staff flew towards him. Ingi kicked it away. “You will suffer the anguish that is unknown to all else!”

“This is what I think of your fucking theatrics!” He scratched his face.

“You erred, Ingi!” Ingi grinned, until the strange magical being came for him, and literally kicked his ass with a well aimed kick that reached under his sarong to strike him hard. He flew a short distance, off of the mage. He brought his staff to his hands. “Don’t just stand there, grunts, you will help me out!”

Pirates rushed into the fray, some of them rushing to keep Ingi away from the sorcerer, but most of them rushing after Enagi-Velosi, with cutlasses, rapiers, knives, whips, guns, and clubs drawn.

Enagi-Velosi ran around to get all of their attention, before she laughed at them. She held aloft her staff and shouted, “THROUGH THE SPIRIT OF ENAGI, I AM…” Bright lights flashed around her. “ENAGI-PLAYA!” The light cleared. Once again her skin was darker, and her feathers were red, yellow, green and black. This time she wore a pink sequined blouse and loud pair of tight blue pants, as well as a leather cap, and lots of “bling-bling.” She twirled her staff with one hand while tossing up a gang sign in the other. That hand had rings on the fingers with letters spelling “ENAGI.” A grunt rushed at her, only to be clouted in the head by that hand, as she shouted “ENAGI!” HE slumped onto the floor with an “ENAGI” shaped imprint on his forehead. She passed her staff to the other hand and struck someone else, on that hand were letters spelling “UNITY.” “UNITY!” was her cry as she struck a Ghorka in the groin. She brawled with more of the attacking gang. “I’m Katherine, bitch!”

Ingi rolled out of the way to dodge a charging attack by the entity. He was on his feet, and his claws lit up in a bright gold. “Come get some!” The creation tried a boxing combination, with Ingi blocking the blows with his glowing claws. He struck back with a powerful blow. The strange armored being fell apart. “You, fell, to…pieces!” sung Ingi in a spoof of the country song, while chuckling. The jewelry returned to Mestopholes.

“ENOUGH!” he fumed. He swung his staff around him. “ETERNAL RAGE!” A maelstrom of energy exploded, and blue energy saturated the pirates. Their eyes glowed with fire, and grins permeated their faces.

“Shit,” said Enagi-Playa.

“Ditto,” replied Ingi.

Both of them avoided blows from the enraged pirates. Ingi grabbed a pair of charging Ghorkas and banged them against each other.

“GHETTO KICK!” shouted Enagi-Playa, as she jumped onto a bare-chested pirate and mudhole stomped him. The crowd was too large. “GHETTO BLASTER: PAVONIAN EDITION!” she hollered. Her tail spread fully open, and all of the eyes energized. Powerful blasts cut through the ranks. She made a bee line towards Mestopholes.

Ingi spread his wings and climbed to the ceiling. “Try attacking me now, you horse’s asses!” All of those with firearms shot at him, and the bullets all sparkled and flashed. They exploded around him. He barrel-rolled to avoid the explosions, but the force of one of them knocked him downwards. He steered to ensure that he’d collide with Mestopholes, which he did. The two wrestled on the ground. The mage pointed his palm at Ingi.

“REPULSIO!” A force threw him backwards, and against a wall with a crunch. Enagi-Playa turned towards him.

“Now, you will pay,” she firmly stated.

The mage held his staff, and energy built up. “SATURATOS!” he shouted, as the glow built up.

“Don’t not try nothin’ funny, asshole!” Her eyes all glowed bright blue. “GHETTO FABULOUS, ENAGI EDITION!” A large blue fire-like energy built up in front of her, and then a golden Ene symbol appeared within it. It flashed, absorbed the energy, and started to spin very quickly, while arcing purple lightning crackled and lashed out. Enagi-Playa swung her staff at the symbol, and it flew straight towards Mestopholes, and exploded in a brilliant presentation of yellow and green energy. It died down, leaving behind Mestopholes with his tunic tattered, his staff flung across the room, and his body covered in cuts, bruises and burns. Enagi-Playa breathed heavily, and then she held up her staff, to turn into the normal Enagi form. She faced an injured Ingi with her tail opened, and magically healed him. “The greatest sorcerer in the world is on the floor,” she commented wryly.

The Enega Warriors all assembled, with their captives, and some Marines, at the bridge. Payback was dejected. “Filthy Harry got away,” she sighed.

“Don’t worry. All the other prisoners are right here,” explained the Enagi.

“FUCK YOU!” yelled Tyrone, who was restrained with chain. “Untie me and fight, featherboy!”

“Don’t do it,” said one of the Marines, “these assholes just like to pick on you!”

“You’re not nice,” pouted Sikinds, before letting out a deafening scream, Her ears were tied.

“We won,” said Ingi, as he hugged Enagi.

“Yes,” said Kuwapundamilia, as she hugged Ryuafi.

“GET A ROOM!” shouted Marissa.

“No, you’ll have one,” retorted Luzzia. “You’re going to jail!”

“And don’t collect 200 either,” added Abori.

“Let us go,” demanded Captain Springboy.

“Let YOU go?” asked Payback. “You’re pirates. And you can’t make us, we’ve won.”

“I’ll give them the ship,” came a female voice. The group turned around to see Queen Aroostook. “Katherine, we failed! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, but there’s no other choice. Now release them.”

“Why, Your Majesty?” asked Enagi.

“Because if you don’t, I’ll do this!” a male voice warned. A few gunshots erupted above Aroostook’s head. A hand pointed a gun at her. Filthy Harry walked into view. “I know what you’re thinking. Did he fire five shots, or six, or maybe four? You know, to tell the truth, I’m not sure myself. I’m not even sure what size of magazine I use. I just get too excited. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the universe, and I could blow her head clean off just by squeezing the trigger, you gotta ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punks?”

To be continued…

Author’s Notes: Well, this took some time, but it’s done. Now the Enega Warriors are out of the frying pan and into the fire. So how will they defeat the Sombrero Pirates?