Ok, I had the sudden urge to write, but because I can never commit myself to a writing project, this is gonna be a one shot. That’s that.

I’ll Remember

-

Sometimes, I can’t get all the feelings out of my head. They boil in my mind, making and unidentifiable soup that burns anything nearby. I see people laugh, people cry, people live, people die. It’s the way humans work. But sometimes it’s not right to be like that. You went off and you killed me. Or tried. Because I’m still here, watching you with sightless eyes. Eyes sightless to all but the damn soup in my skull.

Dear Smoke.

“Lith?” you asked.

“Hn?”

“You’re breaking.”

I looked at you. I laughed half-heartedly, “What the fuck?”

“No, I’m dead serious,” you said, stressing every syllable.

“You’re not making any sense. I’m breaking? What do you mean, could you explain…. now, please?” I snapped.

You shook you’re head. “Fuck it, never mind.”

I was so hurt. We always prided ourselves in always understanding each other. Ever since we met, we could finish each other’s sentences and understand one another without even verbalizing. But for the first time in fourteen years, I couldn’t understand you.

You walked over a kissed me on the forehead. I stared straight ahead blankly, blinking when you’re anime cut hair brushed across my eye. Smoke, you didn’t seem to notice how I felt. You just walked into the bedroom and lay down on the bed.

A few hours later, I came to lay with you, my thin t-shirt hanging loosely around my body. You opened your eyes and stared at me, only partially seeing me, not completely aware I was there. You wrapped your arm around me, pulling me down next to you and crushing my mouth against yours. I didn’t mind, I loved you. You pulled my body closer to yours. I could feel your heartbeat against my breast. You moved you leg in between mine, your hands pulling at my t-shirt. I giggled, running my hands through your hair and answering you with eager willingness.

You shuddered and lay down on top of me. We curled up together underneath the thin cotton sheets, clinging to each other like the world only consisted of us. We were Adam and Eve, Cleopatra and Anthony, Lancelot and Guinevere, Arthur and Guinevere. You held me tightly, I had my head on your chest, listening to your heart beat steadily, the rise and fall of your breathing like an ocean tide. It was times like these I would have given anything for. You and me in sacred union, together, alone, peaceful. The last thing I remember before falling asleep was crying silent tears and holding onto you, trying not to drown in my mind.

What happened?

I remember the phone call, word for word. I remember what happened, moment for moment.

“Hello?”

“Lith Black? This is Dr. Farinson.”

“Hi, can I help you?”

“Well, you see, erm, Smoke Peirson, well, he’s been in an accident. He’s passed awa –“

I quickly hung up the phone, grabbing my keys and running to my car, our car. There was no question, I knew where you’d be.

I slammed on the breaks as soon as I reached the flashing lights of the police. I ran through the caution tape, struggled past a policeman, and I ran to the chalk outlined form of your body. I couldn’t breathe I was crying so much. I cradled your head in my lap, like we used to do when we were little and we played that rescue game, where we took turns rescuing each other from the plastic playhouse. Except this time, you couldn’t be rescued.

Layne

Layne. I remember Layne. She was the only other girl besides me that you had ever been seriously involved with. I remember I got so jealous I went and slept with Jay Matthews. It wasn’t my first time ever doing it (that had been with you) but it was the first and only time doing it with someone other than you. We were sixteen, you tried going out with someone else, tried something knew. I was livid. Wasn’t I enough? It was selfish of me, I wanted to keep you for myself and not share you with the world. I wanted to put you in a locket and wear you next to my heart. How pathetic I was. How pathetic I am.

Layne was perfect. She had soft, thick, wavy blonde hair down to her elbows. She was tall, but not too tall, and she was thin with a nice figure and bright blue eyes. Typical. Total book character. That alone pissed me off, not including everything else. Because you see, compared to me, Layne was a Goddess. I was short, very thin, not super flat or super full, with long, straight black hair that reached my waist, and even darker eyes. Layne was Venus and I was a fairy. How could I ever compete with that bitch? I would never have gotten you back if we weren’t so close.

You picked me up from Jay’s house. I climbed into your car, neither of us said anything. You offered me a cigarette. I took it and grabbed your lighter from the pocket of your leather bikers’ jacket. I used to love that jacket. It was like wearing you as an extra skin. It smelled like your cigarettes and the frankincense you always wore.

“Why’d you do it with Matthews?” You broke the silence with an ear splitting question. I almost wanted to slam my palms against my ears and close my eyes, but I just took a long drag on the cigarette, blowing the smoke through my mouth with a sigh.

“Why’d you go with Layne?”

You started tapping your fingers on the steering wheel unsteadily. You were acting really weird. “Why shouldn’t I go with her?”

“Why shouldn’t I sleep with Matthews?”

“Because he’s not me.”

I laughed. It was an evil laugh, close to a cackle. It was full of spite and hurt, and I couldn’t stop. “Feeling jealous Smoke?” I taunted.

“Shut up.”

“Aw, Smoke is feeling jealous! How does it feel? It sucks. You’re all alone, and that one person is off with someone else. Smoke, I love you to fucking death, you know it. Why did you go with Layne? What, do you think I’ll wait for you to come back to me and let it go? How do you think I feel whenever I see you two? I feel worthless!”

You were quiet again, avoiding my eyes and looking at the road intently. “I didn’t think we should be as close as we are. I thought that Layne would distract me from you so I could distance myself from you just in case anything happened to either one of us. But every time I was with her, I felt guilty.”

“Oh, really, why’s that?” I mumbled under my breath, crossing my arms across my chest. It took another drag, the smoke burning my lungs like acid. The way you burned me all the time. But I liked it when it was Smoke, not cigarettes. But you aren’t here, are you. You’re gone. Like Smoke.

Like a Dream

When we first met, we were four. I moved in next door to you. You’re bedroom was right across from mine. I was climbing out of my window, my thin hands, strange on someone so young, grasped and the vines growing on the wall. I was wearing a dress my grandma had made me. It was purple and black and red sheers that were like water, and I had on a pair of wings I had made my mother buy me. My fairy look was complete, I just needed somewhere to fly. I walked silently along the fence, my bare feet numb with cold and gritty dirt. I was about to head to the woods, to see if there were any other fairies like me over there when you spoke.

“Are you real?”

I froze. That was it, I was caught, I wouldn’t be able to look for fairies and fey and ride dragons and eat moss. I turned slowly, my annoyance plainly written across my small face. “Of course. Are you?”

“You look like my dreams.”

I wrinkled my nose at you. We were always more mature than we should have been. We talked like, like, like older people. “Are you real?” I repeated.

“I don’t know.”

“Oh.”

You looked at me blankly. I couldn’t read your expression. “I need to go. I have to find the other fairies,” I explained.

“Can I come?”

“No, only fairies allowed. You’re not a fairy.”

“No, I’m an elf. See?” You stood up straight, looking me in the eye stubbornly, as if daring me to deny it. I didn’t.

“Well, I guess elves can come too.”

You grinned. You slid your way through the spaces in between the fence posts easily, and stood in front of me. “I’m Smoke,” you declared.

I giggled. “I’m Lith.”

We stood there a moment before we took hands, our fingers lacing together, and we flew into the woods.

We would never know that it would end the way it did.

-

I had no plan for that, I just started writing, and I really like it. I think that’s the first thing I’ve ever written that I’ve really, really liked. If I get enough reviews, I’ll consider continuing it, but at this point it’s only gonna be a one-shot. Still, please review, and hopefully I’ll write more.

Me