Alone

I pace here, forgetting
not what is gone,
said
and done.
This dirt is new
and it smears
under my feet easily.
So many things
I want to talk to
you about now.
But there is nothing
but a stone to be
my counselor.

I want to tell you
I met someone.
Someone nice.
He’s sweet; but
he doesn’t understand
this pain I carry.
I know you do;
you always did.

I push the new grass
down with my feet.
This fate
hurts so much.
I sit now,
to talk to stone.
To wish that you were
here. And you are…
but not in the right
sense at all.

I wrap my hands
around each other.
I feel so cold
all over, inside and
out. Even though the sun
beats down in
summer bliss.
Tears that rise
as I speak softly
to the wind. I
wish for something
more than I
ever deserve.

I miss you, I
can’t fathom how
much. I miss
your laugh,
your cry,
your smile,
your spirit,
your friendship
and your love.
I miss your love
the most. I
can feel the piece
missing. And I
want to replace
it. But it just can’t
be done.

I can’t heal it
on my own. I
can’t force this
façade anymore. I
can’t keep in the tears
for my friend
anymore.

I have this feeling. I
feel sorry for myself
and I hate it. I’m
destroying myself
from the inside
but I can’t tell
too many because
no one can see through me
like you did.
And words aren’t
powerful enough.

I want people to see
me as I feel. But they
would scorn me. I
need your love now
more than ever.

I want to thank you, tomb,
for listening,
but I see no point.
And I dream
that the someone
is here, holding me
and telling me it’s ok
for me to cry.

But there is no one
but the stones and trees
and flowers wilting. I
need people to see
this because it’s
a scar I carry always;
pain that I have that
I need them to understand
this. They need to see
that I might look happy
but maybe, maybe they
are too, I’m bleeding
in silent desperation.

So save me, someone
please, I need the
love and the compassion.
I know I can’t be the
best at it. But I need
someone to show me first.

I place a rose
on your grave
and get ready for tomorrow,
because it will come
and I will still feel alone.