The lies that told me I could be anything.
That I could beat anything.
That I was strong.
That crying fixes nothing.
That everyone is watching.
And even that even God doesn't want to see me cry.
I can't even believe I let It do that to me.
It led me blindly...and I followed blindly
I followed whispered dreams of greatness.
Yet every time I came so close I felt my self fall.
I felt the dirt stain hands and my clothes.
But still I followed blindly.
Walking towards something I couldn't see.
Only the imagination of something that It continued to whisper in my ear.
And after the thousandth fall the blind fold came off.
Everything around me dark and distant.
I look to see my clothes covered in the mud I fell in.
I realize now that It was just leading me on.
It gave me those dreams and words to prove I was easy
To prove that I was weak
To make me a fool.
Now I'm torn apart.
Now I'm bitter and numb.
I trust no one.
My tears are gone.
All that is left are these cuts and scars that I hide form the world.
I hide behind my storm grey eyes.
Hating the weak and easy person I was.
But here I am once again.
In the same place as before,
But this time I was following myself.
My own ambition...
Following the dream of being the best and the greatest.
But with ever try I'm in this place again.
I hear that familiar laugh around me each time.
But I keep everything in and pretend that this was what I wanted.
Something inside me wants me to turn around.
Something tells me I need to stop following this.
But I keep going.
Until here I am once again.
This time I don't get up
This time I don't pretend.
Because this time I understand.
I'm still following that voice.
I'm still following that person I was.
So here I am on my knees.
In this God forsaken place.....
I know what I've done.
What needs to be done.
Tears stream down as I walk back.
Retracing my steps.
Forgiving those that need to be forgiven.
Letting go of the past.
Moving on from the pain.
Tears still stream...they still fall.
Slowly I come back to the light I wanted all along.
And hear a voice.
One that is sweet the ears.
One that brings me too my knees in adoration.
I cry the tears I held inside.
I know...I'm weak.
But that is the point.
I know...I'm not in control.
But that makes life easier.
I know...I followed my pride...My sin....My enemy.
But in Your arms o Lord.
That will never happen again.
You are my protection...My strength... My All .
No need to follow the words of a blind hope that will only fill me up for a moment.
I can have all I want...I can live life freely.
In the arms of my Lord...My Father....My Everything.
So here I am once again....whole and one again.
O Lord never let me go