My earliest memory,

i remember because,

it was the day my life

changed forever.

---

I remember each detail,

though i was only 2.

you gave me a box of smarties,

you know, the big box, the square one.

---

i sat, on your sofa,

eating each one,

while you and mummy

sat and talked.

---

That was the last time i saw you.

---

I've often wondered what it would be like,

to live in a house, with more than two people.

To have a man who loves his daughters,

but not in a way that he attacks them, rapes them.

---

How can girls trust their fathers, i ask,

after reading stories in magazines.

How could you live, with a man, your dad,

and not be suspicious of what he might do.

---

Month after Month,

Year after Year,

no letters, birthday cards,

nothing.

---

Then for my 8th, i think it was,

a card, 2 weeks early,

with elephants on the front.

My name spelt wrong,

No inside message,

Just,

Love Dad.

---

Those words pieced through me,

and i watched the card,

ripped in two,

thrown away.

---

Another 2 years passed,

Then a card.

At the age of 10,

I, myself,

took that card, and ripped it up,

made it smaller and smaller,

then it was gone.

---

No more did i hear,

not a word,

and now i think,

and wonder.

When asked does he have children,

does he say yes, and tell his secret,

or does he simply say no,

and throw me, like the card,

in the trash.

---

Do i hav step-sisters,

another family,

who knows?

Not i.

---

I feel the pain of others too,

i have many friends,

with painful stories,

ignorant fathers, who show no love,

dont acknowledge my friends,

their daughters and sons.

---

So this is for you, my darling dad,

if you could see me now.

I'm stronger than ever,

can live on my own,

although scared of every man i pass on the street.

---

I hold the hands of my friends, and i move on,

i dont need you,

but one day,

you'll need me.

And where will i be?

As far away as possible.