A/N: This was my piece for the ISC in St. Gallen. The piece's theme is about Freedom, Self-Responsibility and Societal Change.

Where am I? I can feel myself moving with all the strength and determination I could muster. But, why have I seemed to suddenly lose my reason for being here?

Through my hazy vision, I lunge forward, not minding the people lying lifelessly on the ground.

We might not want it, but we have to accept that we all live in a place founded by blood, sacrifice, remorse and tears. But, we don’t see it that way anymore, do we? Moreover, why should we?

In a society where each minute is worth millions, there are other much more important things to think about. One might say that there’s no use lamenting over things that were meant to happen.

Shouts…I hear shouts of resolve, anger and pain mixed with the unending sound of guns being fired relentlessly and of bombs exploding without hesitation.

I felt my finger pull the trigger of my rifle with one easy stroke. The familiar sound and the repetitive shudder evoked a sense of pleasure and pride within me.

But why am I here?

Am I just here to kill? I asked myself for the second time.

Atop the battlefields now lay covered with pavements, buildings, cars and people who go by their everyday lives in frozen and uncaring masks, always on an unending race against time and most of all, against their fellowmen.

Perhaps, this epitomizes Ferdinand Tönnies’ Gesellschaft, a society made up of a large population, characterized by loose associations, a complex division of labor, secondary relationships, and formal social control (Thompson and Hickey, 2002).

I heard an ear shattering explosion from a distance. Over the horizon, I could clearly see a fountain of black and grey smoke and what seemed to be a rain of fire. I couldn’t be mistaken; it was surely from one of our fighter planes. A dozen or so of our enemies would have been eliminated instantly with that shot.

Everything we see and possess right now wouldn’t be all too possible if there was no freedom in the first place. Freedom gave us so much power and ability to create, live and further improve this “modernized world” we are in right now.

My thoughts went blank as I found myself tensely rooted to the ground. I gulped as a bead of sweat rolled down my temples.

It gave us school and jobs, satellites in outer space and men aboard space crafts, food surpluses, medical advancements, the internet, sports cars, opera houses, fast food—and well, the list would go on.

A sudden jolt of pain went somewhere below my shoulders. Hesitantly, I looked down at my chest and saw blood stain on my uniform. I placed my trembling fingers over it and discovered it’s a wound—I was hit—two bullets mockingly dug to my flesh.

The thought of being free is amazing, right? You could do all sorts of things and no one would bother. In fact, maybe you yourself wouldn’t even bother if anything you’d do is good or not.

A curse went out of my breath as I heavily fell down to the grass and my face met the ground with a loud and painful thud.

But, would someone suddenly care if I say that we live in a world where freedom is no more than a beautiful illusion? It’s like a mirage in the middle of a ruthless desert which toys with your imagination.

What kind of ugliness is behind such a deluding façade? This is simple enough to answer, don’t you think? It’s the species scientifically known as Homo sapiens.

We have to admit we live in a disjointed society that has made every possible way to go on living—be it in the most glorious or despicable way. We destroyed true freedom and replaced it with a close to perfect illusion that everyone believes it exists, but is in no way real. This is the same illusion that inhibits us to eventually accept what is making society segregated.

As impossible and idealistic as it may seem, true freedom opens the door for us to protect those who are weak from smite of the changing times. To share their burden and instill how important everyone is to society’s existence. The latter part promotes what Emilé Durkheim argues for social functionalism—where each individual feels they are an important piece for society to function.

What am I fighting for? I asked no one as I laboriously tried to roll over my back. My breath turned ragged as I try to endure the racking pain in my chest.

True, our modernized society provided people with greater opportunities and all sorts of material benefits. But then, this modernization comes at a great price. How could freedom thrive in a setting where there’s uncertainty, an unending concern for isolation and a sense of powerlessness? Doesn’t it lead to amplified social problems? We are bombarded with environmental decay along with the collapse of close personal relationships.

How then, can true freedom exist? Is it in the rights of a group to demonstrate their views in the streets? Is it in the opportunity to live in a first world country? Is it in the pleasure and anger in burning a nation’s flag by its enemies? Is it found in what we call democratic societies?

Indeed, it seems to be the norm these days for a non-democratic society to try and achieve democracy and reach what Adam Przeworski called the “paradise forbidden”. Some have tried over and over again only to fail. Others were forced to accept democracy in the most cunning ways. However, some nations aren’t democratic at all but are undeniably prosperous. Still, there are others left desperately finding ways to achieve the freedom people believe democracy has to offer.

Now, suppose that democracy is indeed fully established and becomes a “standard” to almost everyone. To Przeworski, when paradise turns into everyday life, disenchantment sets in (Przeworski, 1991). Ask yourself; is freedom still alive if that happens?

A slow and shaky breath went out of my mouth as I felt blood suddenly gush out of my wound. I firmly held it with one hand trying to put as much pressure as I can.

With a heavy sigh, I looked away from it and instead, gazed at the sun. It was badly hot and it was blinding my eyes, but I didn’t care…It could be the last time for me to see it—alive in this world. It was strange. It’s only now that I realized there weren’t any clouds that dared to mar the skies today.

It was so tranquil; it’s as if it’s lulling me to sleep, assuring me that everything will be all right.

Can true freedom emerge in a world where everyone is equal in every sense? Well, it’s another imaginary creation. No form of government or even a political transition could ever reach utopia whatever the level and extent of belief, ideologies, persistence or legitimacy it boasts.

It’s completely a paradox…I told myself sarcastically.

A pained groan went out of me as I cursed myself for feeling so helpless.

The bluest sky is infinitely high and crystal clear.

I closed my eyes as I bit my lower lip in contempt. I wonder if the world could ever be like this moment—a world of infinite possibilities…

Perhaps, we may never find a fitting answer to the bewildering question of where true freedom is. In the end, we may or may not find it. Probably it’s because we have always been in an unending state of social differentiation, dependent on the equally changing environment.

I have come to grow up in a situation where values are mostly heterogeneous and where there is no, if not little room for common goals. It is quite amusing as well as dumb-founding to recognize that none of nature’s mechanisms for adaptation devised anything to make people truly the way they should be. That is, to be actually responsible for every living creature there is.

So is this it? I unknowingly ask as I jerked from another current of pain that swept over my upper body.

Who…who are you protecting? Why do you sacrifice your life? Yet another question came into my psyche.

This situation is so pathetic and frustrating! Euthanasia could’ve been better! Why didn’t I just simply die once and not like this?!

The decision to give ourselves a gift of solidarity was nonetheless thought of. Our fathers had faith and hoped that by spilling their blood on the ground in exchange for freedom, we, their future would continually work on what they have envisioned—to steer society where everyone can have the chance to live in peace, prosperity and freedom.

But, did we achieve that? More importantly, did we even care to achieve such a long wanted dream? Does that dream even exist today wherein institutions and individuals (economic, religious, social, political and others) have created fissures among themselves and are relatively distinct from each other?

It was not a mistake for our heroes and liberalizers to believe in us. It’s just that, again, the uncertainty of this world could be clearly seen through such acts. We may want to build the future, but this future can also be the blue print of our own demise.

In the battlefield, there is no right or wrong…it is the grand illusion.

Just people fighting for what they believe in…to take one’s life or lose your own life…it doesn’t matter…

A short cough which ended itself with a choke came at my throat. Panting badly, I was well aware of how much blood I already lost—half of my uniform was soaked with my own blood.

I felt my eyes widen as my vision started to fade. I frantically raised my right arm upward as I watched the sky deteriorate in front of me, first into grey-black dots, and then into nothingness.

A positive societal transformation was one of man’s greatest obsessions—and it still is. But, as I see it, we haven’t accomplished nor started anything yet. Millions and millions of people still suffer from numerous reasons that will not cease to haunt mankind: prejudice, social hierarchy, poverty, war, disease, and obviously a lot of other overlapping factors.

We always had the opportunity to change—we have our forefathers to thank that for. Moreover, the freedom we have right now can only unleash its power to shape society if we are willing enough to be genuinely responsible for such a transformation. If otherwise, then everything we see now—everything we’re desperately trying to piece together will just stagnate, or worse, simply fall apart.

I felt something moist run down the side of my cheeks.

Am I…Am I crying? I asked for another time, astonished by my own actions.

But the truth still remains: no matter what kind of persuasion methods one uses, be it inspirational, autocratic, thought-provoking, self-reflection, or even the sacrifice of one’s self, those left behind are just humans. Humans bound by their own natural desires to succeed at the expense of others by exploiting the resources that they have convenient access to.

We can’t also run from the fact that everything, when done right will magically reshape in one boom. It’s a wish that it could be that way, but again, it can’t. It will be a slow and agonizing process. Along the way, we’ll be facing obstacles that will stubbornly challenge us, like it has always been.

Hierarchal difference for example, will always be there because people are different in their beliefs and abilities. Disease will remain, and so will poverty. There will always be wars and bloodshed. There will always be deceit and grief. These are things that we will continually fight against.

Freedom…

This…I whispered to myself with my remaining strength as my tears continued to roll.

This sacrifice is for my children…and for my children’s children…I have finally found my answer…It’s for them…so that they don’t have to go through things I did…

Being free and being free-of-all-problems are different entirely. We can never achieve the latter nor fully appreciate the former. Surely, there can be a way to use the freedom we have to at least control and change the things we can—ourselves.

It’s that change within each one of us that will be able to bind society’s broken pieces. We may not live long enough to see if such a change will ever happen, but it’s never late to change course in this journey we call life. We all have the power and ability that’s lying deep within us. It’s just a matter of how determined we are in discovering it. A matter of how much we want such a change or not.

I felt my raised hand lose its balance and heard it fall to my side. I don’t know if it hurt or not, but then again, I don’t really care anymore.

We already are leading a hard life. To each and his own beliefs, it’s ironic if we still prefer to go on this way.

But, will they take care of this freedom? Will they protect it and understand its importance?

Will they fight over it? Or will they use it for everybody’s well being?

It doesn’t matter…I have given what I can…

I have faith. They’ll be in a place where everyone can live to their fullest. Where they can do anything they desire and make their selves eternally fruitful.

What if they knew there would never be an assurance of us completing what they have worked hard to establish and faithfully envisioned? Do you think they would still have the determination and bravery to die for a better future that might not ever come true? Would they still have endured the mortifying guilt of taking away another person’s life for the rest to go on living?

A sudden coldness washed over me and even though I tried to keep my eyes open, some unknown force kept on telling them to close—and finally, they were.

Of course, they would still choose that same sacrificial path for our sake.

With one short breath, this ends so that everything can begin…

And even though how hard life seems to be, hope remains for tomorrow.

And that is why I must die, with tainted hands—

For you

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS:

Dawn Dekle, (Practice Associate Professor) Singapore Management University School of Economics and Social Sciences

Burkhard Schrage, (Assistant Professor) Singapore Management University Lee Kong Chian School of Business

Hikaru Suzuki, (Assistant Professor) Singapore Management University School of Economics and Social Sciences

Clint Mark Gono, Singapore Management University School of Information Systems

Samuel Christian Sy Chan, Singapore Management University Lee Kong Chian School of Business

Jonathan Zhan, Singapore Management University School of Information Systems

CITATIONS:

Przeworski, Adam, Democracy and the Market, Cambridge, Cambridge University Press, 1991

Thompson, William E. and Joseph Hickey, Society in Focus: An Introduction to Sociology, 4th Edition, Boston, Massachusetts, Allyn and Bacon (A Pearson Education Company) 2002