Oddly enough, what I wanted
Was the feeling of being haunted.
Secretly I like
All the feelings that came with my depression.
I even enjoyed my short fuse,
And I liked feeling out of control-
I wanted everything that I had kept bottled inside.
Which is one of the reasons I went as far as I did.
I didn't always want me to detach myself
From my aching body and unorganized thoughts.
I wanted to be consumed in deadliness
And headaches from distress.
I also didn't mind all the stares I got
Of shock and disgust
Because what I got from it was power;
For the first time,
I was fearless.