An Afternoon at the Petting Zoo

Isaiah sat down on the back porch of his home, contemplating the events that had occurred lately and being way more quiet and thoughtful than usual when he felt two arms wrap around him.

“Hey love, what’s wrong?” his lover asked from behind him

“I’m just thinking” Isaiah replied

“About?” his boyfriend queried

“Memories…that stupid animal…” the young man replied, watching as the stupid animal in question walked by the porch, walking about the back yard.

The stupid animal was an alpaca, Alvin the alpaca in fact, and Alvin had changed Isaiah’s life forever….

--Flashback--

“Stupid fucking fascist pig, obese, son of a mormon, wannabe-intellectual, whore-mongering, sorry excuse for a human being boss…I didn’t study in college to be a damn zookeeper, much less a petting-zoo keeper.” Isaiah muttered, making his way to the section of the zoo he was supposed to be working in, following his supervisor.

Isaiah Morel had just graduated at the university as a veterinarian at the tender age of seventeen and applied for a position at many animal hospitals. You see, Isaiah is a genuine, real-life genius.

Unfortunately, the most he’s gotten from any prospective employers is condescension, the only job that he was offered was a position at the local zoo watching over the animals; assuming that the job offer was medical watching over.

Isaiah had received a rude awakening when he’d walked into the office of a Mr. Charlie Deveraux. As it turns out, the job position was as a zookeeper, offering reasonable hours and benefits, and rather exemplary pay, but Isaiah did not want to be a zookeeper.

“Are there no positions open as a veterinarian?” Isaiah had asked desperately

“No…but there is something you could do that might make a position available” Mr. Deveraux had replied, grinning lasciviously and rubbing Isaiah’s leg with his foot “A pretty little thing like you could go far here if you do what’s good for you…”

Isaiah shuddered in revulsion at the pass the fat man was making at him. He looked Deveraux over, seeing a fat, balding, middle-aged man with seemingly overactive sweat glands.

“And what, pray tell is good for me?” Isaiah asked innocently, inwardly cringing at the obese man’s smirk in reply.

“I’m sure you can think of something boy…” Deveraux had replied, fondling himself through his khaki pants.

It was all Isaiah could do not to throw up right then and there, but he decided that vengeance was more important at the moment.

“Why yes…I do believe I can think of something” Isaiah replied, hopping nimbly on top of Deveraux’s desk, sitting on it with his legs between the fat man’s legs “I sure can think of something.”

Isaiah then proceeded to rub the man with his foot for a few seconds before pausing

“No one calls me boy…” and with that, he stomped his foot on Deveraux’s family jewels, making the man scream out in pain, grasping his wounded privates.

“That’s what you get you moronic, harassing, slimy, oversexed, lewd, scuzzy, whale of a human! How dare you offer me a better job if I blow you!?” Isaiah yelled

Ten minutes later, Isaiah shuffled his way out of Mr. Deveraux’s office with the worst job in the zoo…watching over the llamas in the petting zoo.

“Stupid goat-fucking bastard from hell…” he muttered, leaving the office building and looking around for his new supervisor.

Suddenly Isaiah saw a man walking towards him slowly; his face hidden under a cowboy hat. The man was quite tall, clad in a pair of dark jeans, a wifebeater, and that cowboy hat on his head.

As the cowboy drew nearer, the body filling the clothing became visible. The man was quite tanned, and very muscular, his biceps alone were nearly as big as Isaiah’s waistline. The wifebeater has tight on him, outlining his defined chest and rippling abdominals. The jeans were so tight they looked like they’d been spray-painted onto him, and they showed off his muscular legs and impressive…umm…package shall we say?

“Well, howdy partner.” The cowboy drawled, lifting the hat and revealing the most attractive face Isaiah had ever seen.

The cowboy had intensely bright green eyes, straight blonde hair that was a little overlong and rested on his shoulders, and about a day’s worth of stubble, creating a totally droolworthy cowboy.

Naturally, in the face of such beauty, Isaiah’s ability to put his foot in his mouth made itself quite apparent “You have got to be kidding me…what is this place, Green Acres?”

The cowboy merely laughed and stuck a leather gloved hand out for Isaiah to shake. “Hi there, my name is Lane”

“I’m Isaiah” the younger man replied, shaking the cowboy’s hand “Are you the man I’m supposed to be meeting?”

“Are you them man who stomped Old Man Deveraux’s balls?” Lane asked smilingly, revealing perfectly straight white teeth.

“I suppose so, but he deserved it!” Isaiah replied defensively

“I agree with you on that one, now let’s get over to the petting zoo so you can meet your new friends” Lane said, flasing another smile before turning away and walking off, Isaiah in tow.

They walked to the petting-zoo portion in about ten minutes, and Lane led Isaiah to the llama pins.

“These are your new charges” Lane announced, pointing into the pins.

There were three pins, one with two large llamas, one with a smaller llama, and one with a baby llama.

“The two big ones are Lenny and Lana, respectively” Lane said, pointing at the two

“Lenny the llama? How fucking cute….” Isaiah drawled

The llama snorted in return, turning his head up at the small human.

“The little one is an Alpaca, his name is Alvin” Lane announced, pointing at the middle pin, “And the baby is Eduardo.”

“Eduardo?” Isaiah deadpanned

“I was tired of the alliteration” Lane said with a shrug “Alright, now your job is simple, just make sure the llamas and the alpaca don’t die”

“Oh well that’s not hard at all.” Isaiah said, dripping sarcasm

“See, I knew you’d be perfect for this” Lane beamed.

While Isaiah slowly liquefied under the smile directed at him by Lane, Lane had to go look over the other employees. Lane bade Isaiah a quick goodbye and left quickly.

As soon as Lane left the area, the alpaca became very noisy and started bucking about the enclosure.

“Hey! You! Yeah, you with the neck, I’m no happier being here with you than you are with me, so just calm down and go back to doing whatever it is you llamas do.” Isaiah told the alpaca.

Alvin then walked over to the edge of his enclosure, craning his neck over the side and narrowing his eyes at the human. Isaiah then walked right in front of the alpaca, glaring back at it.

It was actually a very humorous sight, a rather small human and Alvin the Alpaca less than two inches from one another, stuck in a standoff. The alpaca eventually turned away, moving to eat something.

“Booyaka! You better walk away! You’re not even a real llama, you’re a quasi-llama, half of a llama, the llama that wasn’t, you are the Volvo of the llama world, imitation llama, pllama, fake llama, an ex-llama, you, my friend, are diet llama!” Isaiah taunted

The alpaca then turned around and walked back in front of the human and returned to glaring. They remained like that for quite some time, man and beast caught in a dramatic struggle for….okay, maybe it’s not so dramatic.

“Are you two having a little spat?” Lane said, returning to find his newest worker and an animal glaring scornfully at one another.

Isaiah was surprised by Lane’s sudden reappearance and jumped a little, breaking his starting contest and turning to the cowboy.

“What’s up?” Lane asked the younger male, looking him up and down. Isaiah was a nerd, and he never appeared to be anything else. He has normal length black hair that looked as if he’d just gotten out of bed, unbelievably pale skin, warm brown eyes flecked with green, and a thin build. To complete the look, Isaiah wore wire-rim glasses, and was quite blind without them.

“Nothing, Alvin over here is just cocking an attit—OW! Holy son of a leper!!” The young man yelled

Lane looked the boy up and down alarmedly, checking for any injuries, and then he saw that the boy’s foot was covered with the hoof of the alpaca. Alvin had, in effect, stepped on Isaiah’s toes.

The young man then bent over in pain, gasping for air and pulling the hoof off his foot before looking up at the alpaca.

“I hate you…” Isaiah growled, and in reply, the alpaca headbutted him. The young man stood stunned for a second before his legs gave out from under him.

Lane caught the boy before he hit the ground, hauling him up against himself and holding the boy in place.

“Alvin! I cannot believe you did that!”

The alpaca merely looked at the dazed boy in Lane’s arms before making some noises that sounded suspiciously like laughter and prancing over to the other side of his enclosure.

“You okay?” Lane asked the young man

“I feel like I just got hit in the head by an iron skillet” Isaiah replied dazedly

“Try an angry animal with a really strong neck” The cowboy drawled in his accented voice

“Your voice is really hot” The young man said in that same dazed voice, giggling at his admission.

“Why thank you, I aim to please” The cowboy returned

“I’m sure you do…please that is” Isaiah replied

“You’re not so bad yourself” Lane replied, picking the boy up and starting the walk to the infirmary so that the boy’s head could be looked at.

“You’re so pretty…pretty pretty pretty…not like me…” The boy sighed, actually looking as if he was going to cry

“That’s not true at all, I think you’re very pretty” Lane said, smiling at Isaiah

The young man then burst into laughter, snorting every now and then, “You’re funny…”

“I wasn’t trying to be funny” The older male said, frowning.

Soon enough, Isaiah’s breathing evened out and it was apparent that the boys had fallen asleep in Lane’s arms, giving him some time to think. Lane was troubled by the boys lack of self-esteem, he had a rather biting personality, and seemed to be a bit of a brat, but when the alpaca conked him on the head and he started speaking unguardedly, he was quite demure.

Isaiah woke up sometime later in the infirmary, a bandage around his head and an icepack on his wounded toes. The doctor came in to tell him that he merely had a mild concussion and that nothing was broken, he’d be a bit woozy for a while, but he’d be fine in a couple of days.

The doctor then left the room to be replaced by a strangely nervous and worried Lane

“Are you okay?” Isaiah asked the cowboy

“I should be asking you that” Lane replied dryly

“Yeah, well you look pretty bad. I’m fine though, my head just hurts a tad, and I’m a little dizzy…stupid Alvin and his stupid headbutting-ness.” Isaiah said

“Would dinner make you feel better?” Lane asked shyly

Isaiah was amazed, this hot muscular cowboy wanted to go out to dinner with him? Something must really be wrong with my head, the young man thought.

“I-I-I-I’m s-s-sorry, that was o-out of l-l-line, I don’t e-e-e-even know if you like guys…or me for that matter” Lane stuttered.

Isaiah smiled at the adorableness of the man in front of him. He stuttered when he was nervous, how much cuter can you get?

“I’d love to have dinner with you cowboy” Isaiah replied, temporarily mortified when he realized what he’d said.

“Cowboy huh? I don’t suppose you’d like to be called little lady would’ya?” Lane asked, exaggerating his accent even further.

“You call me little lady and I’ll feed you to that damned alpaca.” Isaiah replied.

That was six months ago, today Lane and Isaiah live together on Lane’s ranch. Isaiah saved the life of a man who’d gotten to close to the moose exhibit and got kicked in the spleen, and the Zoo executives made him the resident veterinarian. As a present, he also got to keep Alvin, affectionately referred to as That Damned Alpaca, who lives in their back yard.

--

A/n: This is my entry in my Llama challenge….I know,Alvin wasn’t a llama, but close enough no? I don’t know if I liked this, it was not only my first one-shot, but the first time I’ve ever written in third person, so I dunno if it was any good. Oh well, read and review please! And if you want to make an entry, the only rules are that the fic be a one-shot slash with a llama as a main plot-thingie.

The End!