The lotus is dormant, not dead.

And not all of my friends have deserted me;

I still have the guys in my head.

But another human being would be quite swell,

Someone to pull me from this lonely hell…

I have no inspiration, I’m running on empty,

There is no interaction, no words to interest or tempt me.

I want to write, I want to express,

Admittedly, I want to impress.

But with no one to listen, it feels like a chore,

And I’m left feeling bare and undressed.

Am I below you, god? Am I above you, man?

Am I really merely one grain in an ocean full of sand?

Aren’t I special at all? Why can’t you see that I’m unique?

Why do my own hands now cover my mouth when I open it to speak?

Why do so many questions haunt my mind,

Whilst others seem to be so utterly blind?

Am I truly alone, or am I surrounded by people as quiet as me?

Do they also cover their mouths when they feel the urge to speak?

Do they bite their tongues when they have something to say,

For fear of sounding stupid in front of people stupider than they?

Why do we care? Why do we fuss?

I think it’s because they’ve instilled it into us.

They’ve beaten it into us time and again,

Until we had no choice but to become one of them.

Are conformity and maturity one and the same?

Must we choose to go by the rules or start or own little game?

And then live with the realization that no one wants to play?

To be miserable with people or lonely on our own pathway…

But even around people, loneliness still stays,

Especially when said people treat you like a dangerous stray.

I’m not dangerous, I’m not deadly!

What’s wrong with all of you?

How can you look at me and him, and say that I’m a criminal, too?!

You’ve known me all my life, and yet you don’t know me at all!

For how can you look upon me and not see,

That I’m just a girl with hopes and dreams,

That everything isn’t always what it seems!

You treat me like I’ve done something wrong,

When I’ve done less than you!

I’ve never smoked a bong; unlike you!

Never hit another person; unlike you!

I’ve never bullied, never was enthralled by someone else’s pain; unlike you!

I’m no saint, but at least I try to see things from another’s point of view,

You don’t even try, you just assume, assume, assume!

I’ve taken all the pain that’s been thrown at me and stewed quietly in my room.

Do you have any idea why? Because you told me to!

Told me that it’s better to bite my tongue and let other people abuse me,

That god sees all and that’d he’d never let anything happen to me,

But he did. You did. I did. I tried to forget the memory…

It almost worked, too. But it still failed, at any rate…

Because of the ignorance you let me keep, I was almost raped.

I had the sense of mind to kick him away, but from then on out, I knew…

That you were simply humans. I couldn’t expect any help from you.

That the only person who could help me was none other than myself,

And that’s when I begun to shun and shut out everyone else.

I refused to say hello when they waved their hands at me,

I knew that they were as bad as you. Worse, actually.

They weren’t worth my time. Hardly anyone was, then.

And because of how I acted, I lost a lot of friends.

Yes, I made my own choices. But you, too, are partly at fault.

If it wasn’t for all this drama, I would have been so much better off.

But now it’ll take years for me to sort all of this crap out.

So I hope you all are happy, now that you’ve dragged me down with you.

I don’t care, I’ve put it all behind me. I have more important things to do.

You see, I’m building a ladder, and it will take me away from you jerks.

And I won’t listen to your insults or your taunts that it won’t work.

You may think you’re better than me, and you may think that you’ve won.

But you’re wrong on both accounts. This war has just begun.

But I won’t be the one to fight it, no, you’ll fight amongst yourselves.

And while you do, I’ll escape from this prison; free myself from this lonely hell.

And I’ll finally be able to live my life, even if you still have a grip on me.

For once I get a hold on something, you’ll never be able to pry me free.

You may have an army, and I none, but you can’t keep me here for long.

This bird will eventually pick the lock on her cage and let everyone hear her song.

You’ll think it’s ugly, devil’s notes, but I’ll be too far away to hear you anymore,

I’ll still remember those things you silently called me – Pagan, criminal, whore…

And I’ll remember the times you hit me, sending my glasses crashing to the floor…

But I won’t weep, for the knowledge that I’m better than that will keep me standing tall.

And I can live happily knowing the most important thing…

I’m not you. I never will be. Let my freedom ring.

Owari