The hallways of the Wisteria Asylum were quiet. Only a few people were there. Those remaining wore white. Everything was so quiet and oh so white. The only noise that could be possibly heard would be my feet tapping the white tiled floor. A few of the hallway lights flickered behind me. A scruffy looking janitor swished a mop that closely resembled a disembodied head. He dipped the mop in a disgusting water bucket and swished the smelly water over the tiled floor. The water was grey, like our clothes. The nurses changed washing detergents, causing our clothes to turn from a pure white into a washed away grey. The silence was overwhelming. I wanted to scream and break the silence. I didn't want to grab attention to the janitor; he would have me locked away. So I didn't scream. I had been cooped up in this hospital for too long. I had been here for seven months and I was beginning to think that my family had forgotten about me. Wisteria Hospital consists of three sections; recovery, asylum, and a school. I was in recovery for three weeks and I was sent to the asylum section since. I could go to school whenever I felt good enough to go. Most of the time I stayed in the asylum section. My room had a single window that had bars over it. I was under surveillance but today was New Years Eve. Everyone was gone except for a selected few. Those few weren't doing their job too well so I took advantage and escaped. I could feel the slipperiness of the wet floor as I passed the janitor. He looked up from swishing the dirty water onto the white floor with fearful eyes. I bit my bottom lip and continued towards the cafeteria. Dozens of new people were there. Many of them had blood lines going down their arms. I clutched my arms together, one holding the other. It was cold in the cafeteria. My eyes were drawn down to the scars I had made myself. My beautiful scars were faded into deep purple lines. They were no longer scabs. They had faded into my skin like they had never existed. Throughout this stay, I have grown a thicker skin. Nothing hurts me as much as it used to. The paper clothes they had given me when I entered this place were very itchy. I was dying to get them off. I had forgotten how comfortable real clothes felt. The bracelet they had given me upon entry was tight. I was sure it was cutting off my circulation. It looked like a serpent coiling around my wrist. The only way to get it off would be scissors, something I didn't have with me. They didn't allow patients to carry scissors. They looked at me, acknowledging my existence. The anger in my veins boiled. I didn't want to hurt them. They were hurting, just like me. They hadn't caused this pain. Through the blur of grungy teenagers, there was a particular one I was looking for. His name was Adrian. He had no family to go home to. I felt sorry for him. His family was lost to a fire, along with his mansion and money. He went insane. He wouldn't talk to no one except me. I didn't bother to ask. He was insanely suicidal. I was too but I later stopped after seeing him. His whole body was a work of art. Tattoos poked out from his grey clothes. His eyes were grey with rage. His eyes were wild, like many of the people sent here. When he was out, he didn't have his strait jacket on, not yet, of course. I suppose if anyone would have been sent here, their eyes would have grown wild too. I hadn't seen my own eyes in so long. I'm sure mine were too. I had just met him a day ago. He had been here for three months, he told me but I hadn't seen him around the hospital. We planned on escaping together. He was the only one I recognized in the hospital. Once I found him, I stepped beside him and told him today was the day because they were off at New Year parties. I grabbed his wrist and led him to the hallway that was usually guarded by those that work here. Nobody was there now. Bright green neon colors spelt out E-X-I-T. I was overjoyed. The neon light was beautiful. I grinned evilly. "Are you ready?" I asked. He nodded with a slight smirk that no one could have spotted but me. I still had the scissors that I had stolen from the nurse with me. I clipped his identification bracelet off of his wrist. His wrist seemed naked without it. The door was ahead of me. I pushed it open yet it would not open. "It is locked." He said, keeping his eyes to the ground. Next to the door there was a card slit. I stabbed the scissors into it. "Now it should work." I said as I dug the scissor blades deeper into the slit. The machine turned off due to a dysfunction caused by scissors being jammed into it. He pushed the door open. I looked up; several video cameras followed our movement. It saw us. "They are watching us, Adrian." "I got it." Adrian grinned and snatched the scissors from me. He stabbed the knife into the camera lens, breaking it. Sparks went everywhere. It was beautiful. I grabbed his wrist and led him outside the door when he started to look madly at the scissor blade. I didn't know what went on through his head but he had a tendency of cutting himself so I took the scissors away. The bright lights of the street blinded me at first until I realized that they were the same lights I spied on through the barred window of my room. "First thing is first, we must get into a change of clothes. Otherwise, we'll drive up suspicious folk." I said.
We saw several stores but they were all too expensive. We had no money at all and we didn't want to rob the pricey stores, they'd call the police and we'd be caught again. So we robbed a salvation army. Pitiful. There was only one changing room and neither of us was going to stand guard so we had to change at the same time. I picked out a short skirt with a faerie shirt and some knee-high boots. We kept our faces in the corners because the whole room had mirrors all over it. I kept glancing over at shirt-less Adrian. His body was perfect, almost like he was a body builder. I forced myself to close my eyes, feeling unfaithful as a friend.
Once I was done, I stepped out and looked at the makeup and jewelry. I took my old clothes and tied a knot at the bottom so that I could steal stuff and carry it in something. I didn't pick out anything I particularly wanted. I hopped over the counter and shoved everything into my bag. Once I was sure everything was gone, I walked back into the changing room. Adrian wasn't there. I was getting worried. I turned around and there he was, hovering over the napping cashier. I got his attention and we ran out of the store. "What were you doing?" I asked, cocking my eyebrow. "Look." He said, smiling like he did a crime. He reached into his pocket and pulled out some cash he took from the store. "Are you hungry?" I smiled the first time for seven months. " did you come to Wisteria?" I said, stirring around some iced tea as we sat in a pizza place. "Why must we discuss such an awkward subject?" He asked, stretching back in his seat, making his tattooed arms stick even further out of his shirt. "Why must you be so difficult at answering my questions? If you want to play this question game then fine, you can play with yourself or you could answer my question." I said as I looked him strait in the eye. His eyes were grey. "Curiosity always killed the cat, Lilith." Adrian said, still arguing his point. We weren't yelling although I felt like I should. "The cat has nine lives, Adrian and I'm sure it could spare one for curiosity's sake." I said, my voice rising a bit to the borderline of speaking and yelling. "Very well." Adrian said. He knew he couldn't win this case. "How should I start?" "Before the fire. What were you doing before the fire?" I lowered my voice a bit, we were making a scene. "Curious, are we? Very well. I popped in so many pills. The doctor in the west wing said I took 19 pills but I could have sworn I took 21." He paused to drink his tea. "Anyway, I had been smoking on my bed when I felt sick. I rolled over, cigarette still in hand and went to sleep. The cigarette fell into the wastebasket and pretty soon the entire house was aflame. I had been hoping to kill myself anyway so it didn't matter how I died. It was still considered suicide and murder." "Murder? Why?" "My family was killed in the fire. By the time the police arrived, my entire family was gone, except me. They took me to the west wing, which is where they revive people. Maybe it was because of the pills.I had a hallucination. A girl with green eyes appeared and she said 'Now is not your time, Adrian, you must get up.' I didn't want to but I was forced. The doctor said that it was unbelievable that I was alive. My eyes flickered open and I saw you walking down the hallway of the west wing." He said, sipping tea. "I associated you with the girl who appeared. And you know how the rest of the story goes." That was how we met. Thanks to the green-eyed girl in his dreams, we are friends. After a moment of silence before eating the pizza, I broke the silence. "Do you believe in God?" "I wish. I am an atheist. I'm afraid to say that I was born that way." Adrian said. More silence.
I ran out of things to say. Adrian left $20 on the table and we left the pizza place. "How long have you been in the Wisteria asylum?" Adrian said, coughing. "Four Months I have been in the asylum. Two months I've been in the west wing, recovering. In total, I have spent six months in the Wisteria hospital." Adrian rolled his eyes. "I have been in Wisteria for five months. My family has forgotten of my existence or so the nurses say. If I stayed there any longer, I would have gone insane." I said, as we walked around the city. "I wish I was older. You see, my family left my sisters and me a fortune in a savings account to take when they died but now that those two are dead, I get to have the money to myself. The thing is, I have to wait until I am 21 to claim it." Adrian said. He was 19 years old. "Why didn't you get your family out of the house? Surely you didn't mean to kill them in the flame too." "If I could go back in time and lock them out of the house, I would. What is done is done, you cannot change it." His eyes were downcast. I couldn't see any emotion in his eyes. "Isn't suicide illegal? Why weren't you sent to prison?" I kept asking him questions about everything to make the time go by. "Suicide is illegal if you are caught doing it. They don't know about it. I told them I told them 'I grew tired when I was smoking my cigarette, which fell from my hand and into the wastebasket, lighting the entire house aflame.' So I wouldn't get put in prison." Adrian said.
"No drug tests or anything?" I asked. I had to know everything about him. "No, I was too badly scorched by the flames. They immediately sent me to the hospital and doped me up on morphine so they couldn't give me a drug test just then." He said, he went into a store and bought some cigarettes. "Enough questions. I don't like talking about myself. So lets here some about you, Lilith." "Well." I said, digging the toe of my boots into the mushy mud. "What do you want to know?" I didn't know how to begin and I didn't want to tell this boy my whole life story. He lit up a cigarette with a lighter he had kept from the fire. "What made you cut yourself?" Adrian said, puffing on the cigarette. I sat down on a curb as did he. "I'm not much for answering questions about myself, either." I tried to avoid the subject. I really didn't want to talk about it. "But still, I answered them. Now, answer my question." Adrian smirked. I looked at my feet to avoid his tempting gazes.
"Let's say you find someone who you love. You want to stay with that person for your entire life. You cannot imagine living without that person. Let's say that person stops their own life short. You're stuck without that person. I did it because he did it." I said, looking up into Adrian's green eyes.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know it was that bad. I had someone like that. She was murdered by her boyfriend. He had beaten her so badly when he found out that she was pregnant that it killed the baby and her. The reason why it hurt me so bad was that the baby was mine." He had much more of a reason to cut himself then I did. I felt horrible. I unwrapped my arm to check on the wounds. It looked smaller than I had imagined. "When I found out that he had shot himself, I started cutting. It grew worse from then on." I wrapped it back up. It could still get infected even though it was healing. "It looks like both of us are horrible at working relationships." Adrian smirked. He offered the rest of the cigarette. I rejected it. "It seems as if this guy you speak of is really Don Quan." "I'm not sure what happened that day. He called me up and told me that he had a bad day. I told him I would be at his house as quickly as I could." I paused. "When I got was gone." I could not hold back the tears. They poured out. I buried my face in my hands. "It's not your fault." He said, putting his arm around me. Warmth. You don't just get in love with someone, you fall in love. Maybe it is accidental. You cannot control love. I did not want to love Adrian and yet I did. "It's not your fault. You didn't pull the trigger, he did." Adrian said, with his arm around me. His body felt so warm next to mine. I could see my breath in the cold air. I knew better than to fall in love with someone like I was doing. I did not want to end up like I did the last time I fell in love. I stood up, ending the moment of beauty. "Where are we going to stay? I don't feel well." I said, hugging my arms close to my body. I pretended my head was starting to hurt even though I just wanted to be alone for a moment. "Well, we could stay at a motel." He said, looking up at me. His eyes were oh so beautiful. I had to turn from him to break the temptation of falling for Adrian and nodded. I was shivering it was so cold. Adrian wore a jacket that he stole from the Salvation Army. I was so stupid as to pick out the skimpiest thing I could find. I bit down on my lip to stop my teeth from chattering. "Are you cold? Here take my jacket." He said, giving me his jacket. I couldn't help but look into his eyes. I couldn't break away either. He must have seen my affection for him. "Lilith, I like you. I like you a lot. but it is just that. I don't want to hurt you." With that said, he broke the staring contest and we walked into a ramshackle motel. We got our room, room 13 and we had separate beds but only one television. It was color television at least. After staring at the idiot box with Adrian's words echoing through my mind, I turned towards the wall and tried to close my eyes. ''I don't want to hurt you.'' Silver tears ran down my face. These silver tears simply would not do. I needed red tears - blood. He didn't want to hurt me but he already had. I unwrapped my wrist and pulled out the razor from the purse I made out of my grey clothes and cut 'WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?' on my arm. Once I was done, I put the razor back in the bag. I realized the sharp sting of the blade. It had been awhile since I had done it. The silver tears streamed down my face as I ran to the bathroom and ran icy cold water on the cut. I turned the water off and wrapped my wrist back up after drying the water off the cut with my purse. I looked in the mirror. What had I done? I was doing okay. I didn't cut for an entire month and now this I no longer saw myself in the mirror. All I saw was runny mascara and bleeding wrist girl. I went back to my bed, sitting on the edge, leaning against the wall, whispering to myself 'It'll be okay. it is all going to be okay.' but I knew I was lying to myself. My lies seemed to make it worse. Adrian woke up because of me. He came over to the edge of my bed. "Let me see your arm." I unwrapped my arm, revealing the message cut into my flesh. He looked like he was going to cry. I pulled him to me, I wanted to hug him but he pushed me away, yelling at me. "No, I don't want to hurt you anymore."
"You are hurting me. Every time you push away, you stab the stake deeper into me." I yelled back. "Tell me. What am I supposed to do, Lilith?" He said, standing up from my bed and looking into mine with raging grey eyes. If looks could kill, I'm sure he would have driven the stake right into my heart. I looked at the bed spread, trying my hardest to avoid his menacing eyes. The pattern was roses embroidered into black tiles with the occasional tear drop on the rose petals. When I finally looked up, his eyes were sad. "Let me love you." I said, still looking up into his grey eyes. With that said, he finally collapsed on my bed, letting me hug him. When he finally sat up, his platinum blonde hair was messed up. "Wait. promise me you won't do this ever again and I'll promise you my heart." My heart skipped a beat. "I love you." Those three words meant everything to me. I grabbed him again for another hug, this time he pulled in too. "I promise. Please don't break my heart, Adrian." I said. He kissed me to sleep and tucked me into my bed. He walked over to his bed. When Adrian said "I love you", he had meant it. I smiled. He took the razorblade away and threw it outside. He held me in his arms and for once, I felt even though my life was a burden, I was glad I was unsucsessful at suicide. I had found a good ending to my messed up fairy tale of drugs, suicide, asylums, hospitals and hurting. I would love to say that we rode on horseback onto the horizon but it wasn't like that. I wish I could tell you the rest of this story but this ending is perfect. I found my love.