Welcome to the Real World

Chapter 1: Run like Hell

“I would like to know what I did?! I want to know what,” here she slaps her hand on the table, her rings making a loud noise against the wood, “I did that was so horrible to you kids!” With that, my mother jumps from her spot at the table and rushes out the front door, stalking ahead of my step father to the car. I stay seated on the couch, staring out the window as my parents drive off down the street in my mom’s silver Mercedes. It’s the fifth time this week that my mom has blown a gasket over some silly statement, and to be honest, I’m immune to it. It doesn’t make me feel guilty like it did when I was little, which is her objective. Feeling the need to move, I stand from my spot and make my way back to my room, the one I stay in whenever I visit. Once there, I change into cheerleading shorts and a sports bra, putting on more deodorant before carefully pulling my t-shirt on and grabbing my i-Pod and house key.

A good long run is what I need; I need the endorphins and vitamin D from the sun, just a little boost in my mood. To tell the truth, I’m almost addicted to running. If I don’t take a long jog at least once a day, I’m quite a bitchy person to be around. I’m an exercise junky. Stretching before I head out, I listen to The Killers as I start. My thoughts jump from here to there as I warm up with a slow jog. Taking in the familiar sights of the neighborhood where my mom has lived for the past two years, the nice houses and the people, the dogs and their owners going on walks, it almost makes me miss our old house. This neighborhood is not very different than the neighborhood we lived in before, except of course that my dad is not here and these houses are a bit pricier. But my childhood home is not terribly far from this new house...Mom likes the area. As I jog down the street, readying myself for what I have decided will need to be an intense run, a long run, I try not to think about the house I’m getting ever closer to. Caleb’s house.

Caleb Lawson, Cal to all his friends, has been in my life since I was born. His mom has been friends with mine since college, where they were roommates, and therefore we grew up in playpens and on playgrounds together. He is one year older than me, and always liked pointing that out at every opportunity when we were little. As if that one year means a whole lot. We always got along great, even when one or the other was doing something the other thought was stupid; we were best friends, and we understood that unwavering support was what would help most, not lectures. Those came from our parents once we were caught…if we were caught. Hell, we almost always got caught, though. Like the time I got caught by my dad smoking pot out back with a few friends. Cal had made it clear he thought I was being dumb, but he’d still been my friend. And when I got caught, and punished rather harshly, it was Cal that helped me sneak out of the house or came over to visit the poor prisoner, to waste a Friday night watching horrible movies in our basement, laughing and mocking them the whole way through with me. And when Cal got caught skipping school to spend time with a girl, in other words have sex, I was the one that volunteered to be the chaperone on his outings and drove him around after his parents took away his driving privileges. And, of course, my idea of chaperoning was to drive him to some girl’s house or the movies and drop him off, then drive him home afterwards, always making sure to stay off the radar while I was supposed to be with him. I didn’t like what he was doing, or rather, who, but I was there for him.

Now, though, things are different. The friendship has sort of fallen to pieces ever since he started dating Jessica Thomas. Before, nothing could come between us, no amount of stupid decisions or arguing could break the bond we had. But then there was Jessica. She’s my age, and she went to high school with me. Cal went to a private high school in the area, so he didn’t know the people at my school. Somehow, though, he met Jessica a little over two years ago. I’m pretty sure it was at a frat party, but I’m not positive. Anyway, this is the girl that made high school torture for me. She was beyond popular, I mean, people practically worshipped her, but for some reason she felt that she needed to “put me in my place” continually. I was the class tomboy, involved in soccer, track, and horseback riding and forever scrubbing: t-shirts and shorts with soccer socks and Adidas sandals or jeans and a t-shirt with tennis shoes and a hooded sweatshirt on cold days. I was one of those girls that wouldn’t know what to do with makeup if you put it in front of me. I’m not quite so clueless now.

Something about me drove Jessica crazy, though. On more than one occasion she tripped me, and it was almost daily that she verbally assaulted me. It didn’t hurt me like she meant it to, I knew better than to let her words affect me, but then she started spreading the rumors. Those were harder to handle; since almost everyone worshipped her, they also believed her. Not to say everyone was on her side, though. My friends knew better, and some other people were immune to her charms and didn’t think twice about what she said. Quite a few of the guys at school took my side, but when my friends on the boy’s soccer team took my side that pushed Jessica over the edge. She threatened me in private, and then publicly embarrassed me as much as possible, going as far as paying someone to “pants” me. I mean, the girl paid someone to pull my pants down at school!

By the time I got out of high school, I hated her. She has always hated me. So, when Cal started dating her his junior year of college I could not support his decision. I knew exactly what kind of girl she was, and when I tried to warn him about it he exploded at me. Spouted off all sorts of bullshit about me forgetting what happened in high school and how people can change. How I needed to grow up and get over my petty jealousy. Jealousy? That pissed me off beyond reason. What was he thinking? Why would he listen to her over me? He’d known me for almost twenty years, after all, and he had just met her. And thus our friendship eroded. Every time we saw each other after that just made things worse. He took her side over mine, chose her over me, and it hurt. To make it all worse, this was when my parents were really going at each others throats.

Whenever I came home to visit I would return to them shouting and things breaking; a vase, a plate, remotes, anything within reach at the time was hurled against walls or the floor. That was before my mom lived here; before I moved out for good. Back then, when I took a jog, when I fled the house and just ran, I never worried about who I may see. But today, I’m visiting my mom, who now lives on the same street as Cal’s mom, and my mom informed me earlier that Cal also happens to be visiting, and now I’m working myself into a frenzy about it. I shouldn’t care that he’s there, that I may accidentally see him. The thing is I do care. Just because I’m disappointed in him and angry about what he said to me, even though I’m hurt because he could seemingly forget me in the snap of a finger, that doesn’t mean I don’t still care about him. We did, after all, grow up together.

The roof of the house comes into view first, and my stomach knots itself into a bow, I swear. As the rest of the house comes into view, I can feel the organ drop to the ground. Not only is Cal outside with his mom and one of his brothers…but Jessica is there as well. I want to turn around and run back to the safety of my mom and step dad’s house, to be anywhere but here. But Cal’s mom, Cassidy, has already spotted me and is waving. Shit. I raise a hand and give a quick wave, hoping I can just keep going. No such luck. She calls me over, smiling at me as I hesitantly approach. Jessica’s eyes are drilling holes in my head, and Cal has not looked my way yet. It is all very awkward. Cassidy reaches out and pulls me to her, crushing me with a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. She’s like my second mom…well, I guess it would be third now that Dad has remarried.

“Astrid! Where have you been hiding yourself? I haven’t seen you in months!” She questions as she hugs me close. She’s always said I was the daughter she never had. Instead she had four boys. Cal is the second child. I give a nervous laugh.

“Hiding? Me? I’ve just been rather busy recently, what with school and work and Isaura’s wedding and Jayden—my dog.” God I’m uncomfortable standing here sweaty and tense.

“That’s right, I remember Odette saying you somehow wound up with a dog. How did you get the dog again, honey?” I can tell by her face that she remembers exactly how I got the puppy, but I cannot prove anything so I just give another half-smile.

“Um, my friend found him at the pound and adopted him, but then he got transferred out west and he couldn’t take the dog with him. Since I’d named him, and really Jay likes me more than he liked Chris, I wound up with him. He was a handful for a while there.”

“I can imagine. You’ll have to bring him over so I can meet him. Oh, look how rude I’m being! Astrid, this is Jessica. And you remember Brayden, I’m sure.”

Smiling, I reply, “Yeah, I remember Bray. He and I used to be ace pillow fighters.”

He laughs, his cheeks turning a bit pink. “Yeah…I’m surprised neither of us got a concussion from that. We would hit one another pretty damn hard.” I nod my reply. Despite the fact that I’m still on good terms with his family, Cal and especially Jessica’s presence is making me uneasy.

“A concussion from a pillow? I think you were both pretty safe from that happening.” Jessica’s voice cuts in.

“Yeah. Probably. So…I was just taking a run while Mom and Abbott are gone and I should get back—“

Cassidy interrupts me. “Oh, that’s right. Odette has that charity dinner tonight. So you’re home alone then?”

“Um…just until Peyton or Leif get home.” God, get me out of here. I can still feel Jessica’s eyes boring into my head, and now I can feel Cal’s gaze on me as well.

“Oh, Leif is home? When did that happen?” Damn my brother for being interesting. As a matter of fact, damn me for bringing him up.

“Today, actually. He and Juliana are in the middle of some big drama at the moment and he said something stupid. Got his ass kicked out of the house. Anyway, he was going to stay with me, but…here I am. So here he is as well until I head back or he and Juliana make up.” Once again, I am the one to care for the family member that is depressed. He’s out with a few friends right now, getting drunk I’m sure. And I’ll have to care for him when he gets home stumbling and slurring…not to mention tomorrow when he has a hangover and is vomiting. I really need to just run like hell.

“I’m sorry to hear that. He and Juliana are so good together. I’m sure they’ll work it out.” Cassidy stops and stares at me a minute. “You’re just too good, Astrid.” She envelopes me in a hug and I stay stiff. Pulling back she places her hands on my shoulders and looks me in the eyes, smiling. “I’ll let you get back to your run, honey.”

“It was nice seeing you, Cassidy, Bray. I’ll bring Jayden over soon.” Looking to my right I give a tight smile. “Jessica, Cal nice to see you.” Then I walk back to the street and start a slow jog. My jog quickly turns into a run as I think about my brother’s marital problems and my sister, the bride from Hell, my mom the drama queen and my half-brother…the spoiled brat. I run as though I can escape them all, as though if I run fast enough, their problems will disappear and I won’t have to deal with it anymore. It’s childish of me, running like this and thinking it will solve anything, but it makes me feel better about everything. Nobody is really aware of how much they put on me; I’ve just always been there to receive it, and I never complain because I love them all. Despite their flaws, I love them all because they’re my only family.

By now I’m sprinting down the road, moving so fast that one wrong step could send me to the hospital. My ponytail whips behind me and my feet are burning from meeting with the hot pavement, but at that moment, my mind is far away from all that. After a few minutes I can feel myself slowing down, my legs feel heavier. Falling back into a reasonable pace, I keep going, pushing myself when I start to feel tired. When I finally slow to a walk, I’m surprised to see how far I’ve run. It is at least five miles away from where I started, and the sky is starting to darken. Turning, I start on the long trip home. At first I walk, keeping a slow pace to allow my muscles to cool down and rest, but as soon as they no longer feel like rubber bands, I pick up my speed into a leisurely trot. From there I accelerate into a quick jog which I sustain all the way back home, through all the twists and turns. When I get back into my mom’s neighborhood I realize that unless I want to take the long way back, I’ll have to pass the Lawson house. Feeling that my mouth is starting to get dry, I know that I need water. I’ll have to take the short way. With a deep sigh, I head in the direction of the Lawson house. Thankfully, nobody is outside when I pass. However, as I near my house I see the outline of someone sitting on the front porch swing. As I get nearer I know it is not Leif. This person has shaggy dark brown hair, and when he turns to look my way, I can see his penetrating azure eyes. At one time, I thought those eyes were beautiful. Now they make me nervous. Slowing to a walk, I approach the house and mount the steps onto the porch, removing my headphones and turning off my i-Pod.

“What are you doing here?” I decide not to add, ‘shouldn’t you be with Jessica?’ to the end of the question. Things are tense enough.

“I came to see you. Why else?” His eyes stare directly into mine, making me shift anxiously.

“Well…come in the house. I need a glass of water.” He stands and walks over behind me as I unlock the door.

“Smells like you need a shower, too, Astrid,” he teases.

“I don’t wanna hear it, Cal. It’s been a bad day.” Opening the door, I enter and head straight for the kitchen, leaving the door open for Cal. I hear him enter and close it behind him, looking around as he unhurriedly follows me. By the time he comes into the kitchen, I’m on my second glass of water. His eyes come to rest on my own over the lip of my glass and stay there. Lowering the once again empty glass to the counter, I lean onto the island, the cool granite countertop feeling good against my hot skin. “Well?”

“It’s just that things were so weird earlier. We never ignored each other before.”

“Caleb, we’ve been ignoring each other for the past two years. What’s so different about it now? That we were face to face and ignoring one another? It’s all the same thing. And it was bound to happen, what with our mom’s being so close. Your family is all invited to Isaura’s wedding, you know.” I’ve broken eye contact and am now busy staring at the fruit bowl on the island. Apple or orange? I think to myself.

“Well, it is still weird. I mean…I never actively ignored you. We were just in different places.” He pauses, watching me.“You called me Caleb…”

“Yeah. That was strange, wasn’t it? I don’t think I’ve ever called you Caleb before…well, except when you pissed me off.”

“You were always pissed at me for something. Listen…I just wanted to see if there is any way we can…stop ignoring one another. It just seems stupid. I don’t really remember why we got so mad at one another in the first place.”

“You said something…unforgivable.” Grabbing an apple I turn my back to him and open the refrigerator to pull out…well, I really only opened it so I could get away from Cal’s eyes. He’s always been able to read me like a book, and I don’t feel like being read right now. But now that I’m looking, that cheesecake looks awfully good. Pulling it out, I glance at Cal. “Want a piece of cheesecake? Raspberry…your favorite.”

He smiles, his face softening. “You know me too well, Astrid. How could I refuse it?” I turn back to the cheesecake, sitting the cake plate it is on down while I grab a knife, spatula, and two plates and forks. Cutting into the cake, I put a piece on each plate and replace the cheesecake to its place in the refrigerator before handing Cal his piece…it is slightly bigger than mine. We eat in silence. “Astrid…for what it’s worth I’m sorry.”

“It’s not worth much. You don’t even know what you’re apologizing for, Caleb. What do you really want?”

His eyes narrow as he stares at me. “Astrid, I said I was sorry. I remember the fight we had, and no, I don’t remember exactly what was said but…do you?”

“Actually, Caleb, yes. I do remember exactly what was said. I remember because it was then, there, those words that took my best friend away. My Cal was gone like that,” I snap my fingers. “Standing in front of me was a stranger. I had no idea who you were or where you came from, but you weren’t the Cal Lawson I grew up with. Now, if you don’t mind leaving…I have a migraine coming on and Peyton will be home very soon, not to mention Leif. I still have to do something about dinner for myself and Peyton, and Jay has been locked up in his crate for quite some time.” Bringing my eyes to his, I try to keep myself together as I quickly fall apart. “I don’t have time for this, Cal. I don’t have time.”

“Fine, Astrid. We’ll just continue to ignore one another from now on.”

I sigh. “Cal, we weren’t going to solve things right now no matter what. I’m just…it’s like a flood, you know? And the current gets stronger every day, and I’m clinging to an unstable little tree with the water crawling higher. I can’t sit here forever, because eventually the tree is going to fail me and get washed away from me…and there’s just…nobody to help.” I look up at him and see that his eyes are focused on me, an unreadable expression shining through. “Don’t add to the current, Cal. My little tree is under a lot of stress already.” He keeps right on staring at me, an emotion I cannot pinpoint shining in his eyes.

“Okay, Astrid. But promise me something.” His eyes are still on mine, seeing right through me.

“What?” God, I can’t look away from his eyes. They’re so intense and…gorgeous.

“You’ll talk to somebody. It could be me, even, if you want. But you can’t take everyone else’s problems on yourself.” He holds up his hand when I try to interrupt. “I know you, Astrid. We might not really talk anymore, but…I still know you. You worry me, you know? I still care what happens to you, despite everything. And right now…just promise you’ll tell someone how you feel.”

Removing my eyes from his powerful gaze, I stare at my hands before whispering, “I thought I just did.” Looking up at him, I see that he’s smiling at me. I give him a tight smile in return, and then I hear the front door open.

“Astrid? You home?” Peyton calls from the entryway.

Composing myself, I call out, “I’m in the kitchen, Peyton.” He enters, giving Cal a quick glance before focusing on me. Peyton is my younger brother, and possibly the only family member I have that doesn’t dump their problems on me. He comes to me for advice, but he is definitely capable of taking care of things himself, and I love him all the more for it.

“Did Mom and Abbott take Gavin with them? It’s quiet.” I smile at him.

“Yeah, they took him because I refused to watch him. He was especially cranky today and—“

“Good.” Peyton interrupts me. “I’m glad you refused. They take advantage of you. They’d do it to me, too, but I stand up to them. Besides, I wanted to be able to spend some time with just you…before Leif gets home drunk and we have to carry him to bed and make sure he doesn’t suffocate on his own vomit.” I notice his eyes narrow a little when he looks at Cal. Peyton might be my little brother by a good five years, but he’s always been very protective of me. He’s really the best kid. Which is why I’m so protective of him. I can’t let some girl take advantage of him.

“How are you Cal? Haven’t seen you around since…well, I was a sophomore in high school.”

“I’m well, Peyton. You’ve grown quite a bit since I saw you. You’re a senior this year, right?” Peyton nods. “How goes the college search?”

“I’m going to NYU. I got a damn good scholarship and they really want me to play soccer for them. Plus, Astrid offered to let me live with her so I have a place to stay other than the dorms.”

“Not bad. You’ll be graduating from Columbia this year, right Astrid?”

“Yeah. I got accepted to the School of Physicians and Surgeons, though, so it is right back there next semester.”

“Congratulations on that. Well, I’ll leave so you two can hang out. See you around.” Cal stands up and walks for the front door.

“Yeah…see ya.” I turn back to Peyton glaring at me. “What?”

“You aren’t going to just forgive him because he was pleasant, are you? After what he said and did, he should have to grovel for months before you even think of being his friend again.” Peyton is the only person I ever told what happened.

Smiling, a true, full smile, the only kind Peyton ever receives from me, I tousle his shaggy blond hair. “You’re the best brother, even if you are annoyingly protective sometimes. Don’t worry about Cal…I can handle him. Now what do you say to dinner at Joe’s?”

“Sounds good to me. You paying?”

Laughing, I reply, “I invited you didn’t I? So where were you all afternoon?”

“Some of the guys wanted to play a game of soccer, so we did that and then we wound up at some girl’s house. I didn’t want to be there. All these girls kept trying to climb on me and I don’t like them. They’re whores, I’m not joking. Mom and Abbott really need to get me a car.”

“Good luck with that. You should probably ask Dad to get you a car…he’s more likely to cave. Anyway, you’ll be in New York City most of the year from now on, and cars are practically useless there. You should have called me to play soccer…that would have been great. I could have gotten some aggression out.”

“I’ll be sure to call you next time so you can take some aggression out on my friends and me. Because that sounds like so much fun. Really.”

“Shut up, smartass. I’ll just call up some of my friends and take some aggression out on them on the soccer field. Really I just want to play some soccer.” Taking in Peyton’s dirty, smelly clothes and my own dirty smelly clothes I laugh. “I think we both need to shower before we go anywhere. But make it snappy, Pey, I want to be out of here in case Mom and Abbott get home with Gavin.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice. That kid screams like he’s on fire or something.” We both wait a second before simultaneously taking off for the best bathroom in the house. Peyton gets ahead of me on the stairs, so I grab his arm and pull him off balance. He returns the favor by pulling on my dirty blonde ponytail a little. At the top of the stairs, Peyton gets ahead again and triumphantly claims the biggest bathroom. Not that the other bathrooms are bad, just smaller. Conceding defeat, I go into my old room and pull jeans, a clean bra, and a nice black tank top out of my suitcase before heading to the bathroom down the hall. There is a bathroom attached to my room, but it is by far the smallest one in the house besides the half bath downstairs. After showering and dressing, I pull my towel dried hair up into a ponytail and put on a bit of makeup: mascara, eye shadow, lip gloss, and some powder. Returning to my room, I slide on some black flip-flops and knock on Peyton’s door.

“Hurry up, Peyton, or I’ll leave you behind.” Grabbing my keys, which are attached to a small wallet-like thing that holds my ID, debit card, and school ID, I head downstairs to wait for Peyton. He appears five minutes later in jeans and a polo t-shirt, his worn out leather flip-flops on.

“Ready?” I glance at his face as he nods.

“Good, because I’m hungry. Lets go.” We both go out and get into my Sentra.

“You know, you’re the best sister…” Peyton looks at me with innocent eyes.

“You can have dessert, Peyton. No need to suck up. It doesn’t suit you.” I punch him lightly in the arm. He might be five years younger than me, but he’s quite a bit taller than me. I’m just 5’7” and he’s 6’2” and could still grow more…though I think his growth spurts are over.

Peyton smiles. “You know me too well, Astrid.” He jokingly rubs his arm where I punched him. “You’re also abusive.”

“Wuss.” I tease him.

“You found me out, Astrid. Damn you!” He is quiet while I start the car and back out of the driveway. “You know, it just isn’t fair that I can’t punch you back.”

“Well, it isn’t my fault that you’re a big oaf that doesn’t know his own strength. You always leave bruises.” I grin. “Besides, I’m just a helpless little girl.”

“Yeah, helpless my ass.” I just laugh at him and keep driving.