In times past we had fairies for teeth and for sugar plum dances

But today we live in a world of scientific advances

A world where it’s important that a body be treated with care

Because not nearly enough individuals possess a spare

And brought forth from surgical procedures so amazingly keen

We’ve been gifted with a gruesome fairy with a penchant for spleen

I speak not of emotion but of things not nearly so cheery

Rather, I speak of Gertrude the superfluous organ fairy

First born to the world for the good of the ailing Sally Bendix

Gertrude gave her a quarter for her amputated appendix

Gert’s quite surly and liquored and never got her fair share of smarts

Made obvious by her collection of mistakenly snatched hearts

She’ll swoop down into your room with her scalpel and stitching in hand

To trade your ‘useless’ organs on the black market of fairyland

And while she cannot pilfer any organs you may be using

The bureaucracy that promises this is ripe for abusing

For instance if the organ is left beneath your pillow at night

Gertrude may slice it out and bring the specimen out on her flight

There will be little you can do but serve a useless subpoena

No jury dares to stand against this surgical ballerina

For Gertrude knows a leprechaun with knowledge of law most arcane

And he’s a pint-sized green-coated harbinger of judicial pain

He does all of her scheming, for Gertrude’s far too idiotic

His motives are unknown, but almost definitely psychotic

Thus she got off scot-free in the case of poor young Brian Willow

Who every single night would sleep with his head under his pillow

Gertrude flew down one night with a hacksaw and a heart full of greed

And sliced Brian’s head like a big bone-filled melon, watching it bleed

She smiled like a lunatic as she pictured her wallet fatter

Than it had once been, thanks to Brian’s profitable grey matter

So be sure to sleep carefully, if you really must sleep at all

And shun the rear of the pillow, lest you find your organs recalled