Misterfuzzums' Tips for Being EXTREME!

Tip 1- Be ready to use any opportunity to shout EXTREME-sounding words.

Any period of silence, however brief, can be used to your advantage, making you obviously more EXTREME. A good example is the silence that normally envelops those who are riding on an elevator or bus. Almost any relatively quiet place will do, though. However, only certain words can make you truly EXTREME. A tiny, trivial slip of word usage could result in a drastic loss of credibility. Some exclamations that can be useful in these situations include 'hard core', 'gangsta style', 'beasty', '(insert random word here) to the max', and, of course, 'EXTREME!' Try to avoid outdated words such as 'gnarly', 'plasmic', or 'radical'.

Tip 2- Always bring large amounts of equipment to any event.

It's always a good idea to bring a large backpack or other carrying case to any place that you deem worthy of being EXTREME. This backpack/case should be pretty sturdy, because it is usually required that it contain many items inside for you to be considered EXTREME. If, say, you were going biking, a deflated spare tire and a bike pump, or several bike pumps, can be useful in case of an accident. However, that is only the secondary reason to bring such gear. The primary reason that it is useful to bring them is that when you show anyone how prepared you are, they will think you are a pretty EXTREME biker.

It is generally a welcome idea to bring excessive amounts of water or any other drink to any event or place that will be warm, so that you may pour the water onto yourself to cool down, or if you are already cool, then just to be EXTREME. Be sure to pour the liquid in the most dramatic way you can. Also, as an added bonus, when you pour water/other liquid onto yourself, it makes your clothes wet, giving you the appearance of trying so hard that you are soaking your clothes with sweat. Now that strikes most people as EXTREME!

Tip 3- Never give in to the EXTREME- looking strategies of posers.

Many people (who are, to the seasoned EXTREMITE, obviously posers) think they can become EXTREME by doing things that are stupid. Luckily, you have me here to tell you that the strategies of these posers are in no way EXTREME. They are only stupid, which is what these posers should have realized before attempting such feats. However, to the clueless passerby, who we will refer to as a “noob”, these acts give off the appearance of being EXTREME. So you will be warned, I will tell you the main points to look for that will lift any poser's veil of apparent EXTREMENESS.

-Is this person at any risk to himself by performing this feat?

-If he is not in any risk now, will he be at risk at a later point in life because of this feat?

-Does this person give off the aura of a professional at whatever the feat may be?

-Is this person following tips 1 and/or 2?

If the answer to any or all of the first three questions was yes, then offer no congratulations to this poser, simply walk away, or, better yet, expose him to everyone else as someone who is definitely not EXTREME. However, if the answers were no, then thank your luck, you are in the presence of a truly EXTREME person. If the answer to the last question was yes, then this person is automatically EXTREME, no matter the answers to the first three questions. I know this might be a tad confusing, but you will come to understand as you grow in EXTREMENESS.

Tip 4 (the final tip)- How to become the epitome of EXTREMENESS?

After reading the previous tip, you might be wondering how exactly you become truly EXTREME. I will tell you now that the path to becoming the most EXTREME is not an easy or comfortable one. While traveling this path, you will want to turn around or give up. Some of you might understand, having traveled this path before, only you did not know that this path led to true EXTREMENESS. I will also tell you that the answer may sound too simple to be true. The most simple, yet most complicated, way to EXTREMENESS is simply the opposite of an EXTREME-poser's approach. Rather than just give off the appearance of experience at some skill, you simply must have a large amount of experience. Such experience can only be garnered through years of practice at the skill which you are developing. It also takes patience, to continue to practice when you are obviously mediocre. But when you are finally experienced enough at the skill to be known as EXTREME, you will realize that it paid off in the end. With such EXTREMENESS comes endless possibilities for flaunting your skill that you will soon wonder why you ever doubted yourself at all.

Now that you know the path, will you take it? The choice is yours. Becoming EXTREME could be just around the corner. Believe me. I will now disclose to you the ultimate phrase, which I did not bestow upon you in tip 1 with the others. This phrase can only be used by those who have carried out the final tip to becoming EXTREME. What is it, you ask?

“Don't worry. I'm a professional at this.”