You stupid worthless bitch! I hate you, do you know that? Do you understand just how much I hate the fact that you’re still breathing? Still walking? Still able to eat and sleep and pretend that you’re okay? I fucking hate you for that. I hate you for not disappearing. For not walking away and ending it like you should have. You seem to think that you’ve got so much control over all of this. Well let me break it to honey, you don’t. You don’t have one ounce of control. You wake, and sleep, go to school, whisper the words everyone wants to hear, come home, and fall asleep. Same routine every day.

But I caught you looking in the mirror the other day. How you thought you saw that pretty girl. Ha, She’s not pretty. You want pretty? Then go through your magazines, your book of “special tips”. Go find someone who you think loves you.

Because guess what sweetheart, no one really does but me. When everything comes crashing down, who do you think is going to be there to catch your fall? Your family? Fuck no. You honestly think those people are going to try to help a little bitch? You aren’t worth it. You think your friends will try to save you? Well they won’t either. By now they’ve come to realize what a worthless whore you really are; a food whore if nothing else.

You can’t put it down, can’t walk away from it. Fuck, you can’t even avoid sneaking looks in the kitchen cabinets every time you pass. And you’re still so sure that you’re okay. Still so sure that you’re not sick.

I’m the only thing here to catch you when you fall. I’m all you’ve got and I love you. I’ll love you with everything I have if only you do what I ask. It’s for the good of both of us. I need you and you need me. Just be strong, stand up to them, but don’t rebel. Don’t make them suspicious or they’ll take me away from you.

Don’t eat, don’t fall, don’t pass out, don’t let them suspect. Don’t let them break you. You’re better than that. But at the same time, you’re absolutely worthless. I’m the only one that’s going to tell you the truth. I’m the only one you’ve got that really cares that much.

When you strip away all that fat, all the excess junk and look down into who you really are… when you’re able to do that you’ll thank me. I know it’s hard, and that’s why I chose you. You’re a fighter, a one-of-a-kind diet guru. You never give in.

And you’re almost perfect. You’re nearing perfection at an alarming rate and you’ll get there, I promise. Just stay away from the fridge, away from your friends, out of the eye of teachers and parents, and away from the spotlight. Convince them that you don’t have a problem. Promise them that you’ll get better. Keep up your lies and I’ll keep you safe, because I love you. Really I do.

I love you to the bones