I always wanted to dance pointe. Ballet was like watching a painting being created, the paint just flowed into something beautiful and I wanted to help create it. My teachers never quite were able to hold in my fasination with ballet. They were more focused on the modern dance, and it didn't fit my taste. I didn't want to dance in tap or jazz, just pointe.

I remember the year my grandmother got me my first pair of pointe shoes. I stayed in my room for hours until I could stand on my toes in the pretty pink satin shoes, and I was so proud when I could fly up and down just like the dancers in the New York City Studios. I was so proud of myself.

Dancing was my passion and it kept me happy and relaxed. When I had a bad day, I danced; it was that simple. My family went out of their way to attend ever recital I ever had even though I was horrible when I first started out. The little mistakes like when I tripped over my first costume and fell on stage, or when my grandfather drove off with my costume in his truck and I was late for the recital. There were so many of those little misakes that make me look back and laugh.

I stopped dancing a few years ago, but I never lost my passion. I'll be walking down the street in the city, see the window of a dance studio, and catch myself stopping to watch in wonderment at their delicate movements. A pair of pointe shoes are still a special memory to me. I hate that I quit dancing, but there were other things that I wanted to pursue. Dancing will always be a passion and a dream for me. Living in pink satin was my first dream, and it still continues to be a dream of mine even if I stopped dancing in the studio.

I can't say that I miss the before-performance jitters, or having my hair pulled back tightly to create a beautiful bun to go with my costume. I do miss all the times I messed up, the friends I made, and the feeling of being on stage with all those people cheering for me alone. I miss being part of the painting.

Maybe some day I'll go back to my pointe shoes, the bright lights and the stage, but I don't know what I want to do yet. I'm always going to love dancing and my first pair of pointe shoes, but I'm able to give myself a more freestyle way of dancing outside of the studio. I'm always going to miss being in the spotlight.