It’s at times like this when we ask questions, sometimes to one another, sometimes to ourselves, sometimes to God. We ask why. We ask why something like this had to happen to someone like her. We seek escape in our desire to know, to have these answers, knowing deep down that we’re not going to find them in the manner we want them, also knowing that if we did find them, we wouldn’t know what to do with them anyway. Yet, it is one of the natural byproducts of the grieving process.

Rachelle was a unique presence here, and away. I myself only knew her in the professional capacity, but even then, I saw a sweet little lady with a kind heart and the voice of a canary. I remember when she would use that voice, and when you heard her and saw her doing this, you may have been fooled that this woman of forty wasn’t really twelve years old. Because I place such great value on laughter, I prized her because she could so easily bring it to me. She was also the best friend of one of my best friends, and that means something to me as well. I will miss her a lot, as I know we all will, especially those who knew her better than I.

When I’m faced with something unexpected or difficult, and this was definitely both, it is my nature to retreat a bit and think about it, and that’s what I’ve been doing these last few days. I think about the memories I had of Rachelle, the things I knew, and the things I was told. What I do know is that I will miss her. What I also know is that it is not the presence of a person that makes us cherish them, nor is it the deeds of that person. It is our memory of her, her personality, maybe specific words, maybe a broad range of them, mixed into something not crystal clear but still pleasing to the mind. It is these memories that ensure her at least a small measure of immortality, and we’re always going to smile when they come across us throughout our lives.

Yet even then, that’s not the best of it. Those who leave such memories are helping us in an immediate way, but the real gift people like Rachelle leave behind really have nothing to do with her, but with us. When we lose someone who is near and dear to us, it is our nature as human beings to feel closer bonds with those we love and admire. This is a part of the grieving process, but it is also an opportunity, to forge these stronger bonds with greater permanence. It’s up to us in the end, but truly, this is the greatest gift one can leave behind. Someone so easy to become friends with is someone who has the ability to give us such a chance.

Rest in peace, Rachelle. I love you, kid.