Heaven, Hell, or Both?
BishounenBabe91

Hell found me that lonely day on the street. I was cold, hungry, and alone. No one cared. They never did; I don't know why I thought that would ever change. I mean, what do people want with a little poverty stricken teenager? Nothing. To them, I'm just another statistic.

I rocked myself as I sat with my head in between my legs, crying. I've learned to deal with my emotions to the best of my abilities over time, but it just... it just doesn't work sometimes. Sometimes you have to break down. It makes you human. People passed me without looking. Like I said, no one cared. But I was used to it by now. Five years on the street had taught me a lot about the human race. They only cared about themselves, not willing to help anyone if it doesn't benefit them.

Hell found me that day. Hell prevailed until... until someone told me it was okay. That someone would actually help me was a reality I almost couldn't accept. He helped me up off the ground and held me close. I'd never met him before I realized. So why was he being so nice? It just didn't make sense. I just knew that in that instant, Heaven had found me.

"Are you all right?"

"I-I'm fine," I stuttered out, not meeting his eyes.

"I don't believe you."

"Aw, who asked you to?" I asked stubbornly. He had to have ulterior motives behind this sudden lapse of generosity.

"No one did. I wanted to. You looked like you were... hurt in more ways than one," he said, smiling sadly at me.

"N-No one has ever-" I started, tears welling up in my eyes.

"I know," he said softly, hugging me still. "But I will."

"You don't even know me," I told him.

"I intend to learn all I can about you."

"I don't need your pity."

"It's not pity. I want to know you. Learn about you," he said, and I could tell he was being true. How could he not be telling the truth? It was in his gentleness and caring that told me that.

I didn't know what to say. I was tongue tied. So I didn't talk, I cried in relief. Relief that there still were people out there that gave a damn what happened to people like me. He stroked my hair and told me it was all right, that nothing would ever go wrong again.

"....manda..."

I rubbed my eyes. "Amanda!!"

"What?!"

"You can't stay there. It's public property."

It was all a dream... There is no such thing as Heaven... How foolish I was...

"Did you hear me?" I turned beseeching eyes upon him.

"Yes," I spat before getting up and moving away. Stupid cops. No one cared. Now that I was eighteen I couldn't go back to the orphanage. I was legal. I was on my own.

I can't believe it was a dream. He had been so perfect. So caring. Everything that I had ever wanted in my life. Everything shattered. I found a new corner to sit on. One where I wouldn't be disturbed and I could mourn the harsh reality all by myself. I can't believe I actually thought it was real. I mean, that would never happen. Could never. God just didn't allow it to happen.

God. I had walked away from him. I don't believe anymore. They had told me that my mother was a nun. Yeah, some nun she was, huh? Getting knocked up and all. She sure screwed my life up with that little number. So she gave me away to a foster family so I would be cared for. We all know how well that turned out.

Long story short, they just didn't have room in that orphanage for another kid. So they found a 'nice' family to take me in. Nice as in abusive, neglecting, and... and some things I'd rather not talk about. I often wonder if they were coerced to take me in because they never loved me. At thirteen, I ran away. I'd finally had enough.

Strangers continued to pass me and I hoped against hope that one would notice a dirty little girl who had sold her soul to the devil just to live. Cheating, lying, stealing... It was how I survived. All kids on the street did it, right? No one even glanced at me. Like I've said many times, though, it was to be expected. They all had their lives, I had what was left of mine.

My tears had stopped now. I wasn't going to let the truth bring me down. Okay, sure it was a dreary, dark, and rainy day, but it wasn't going to ruin me. I'd dealt with this hell for so long... Surely I could deal with it a little longer? All I know is…Hell found me.

And I can’t change that. I can only live with it. And I shall do so. I won’t let hell live over me for the rest of my life. No matter where, hell finds me.

Owari (End)

a/n: i'd luv a review for it... plz?