Author: Biting My Nails PM
I giggle at first and then it turned into laughter. It’s a frightening laugh, loud, somewhat even cheerful, but on the edge of hysteria. Oh hun, looking at your face, you finally realize that I am quite insane.Rated: Fiction M - English - Drama/Angst - Words: 1,450 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 08-27-05 - id: 1995139
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
The glass perfume bottle shattered against the wall above my head. Do you even care if that would've hit me in the fucking head, I'll would've been bleeding. But you don't care, and so, I throw a bottle of Jack Daniels at your head. I smirk as the bottle came into contact with your shoulder. I always had a lousy aim.
I look up to see the blood soaking your shirt, and then I giggle at first and then it turned into laughter. It's a frightening laugh, loud, somewhat even cheerful, but on the edge of hysteria. Oh hun, looking at your face, you finally realize that I am quite insane.
Why are we are fighting? I don't even remember why were fighting, but you probably do. You always have to remember every fucking detail. One word, control freak.
"B-bitch, your not right in the head. What forget to take your fuckin' pills again?" you slurred, like the drunken loser, that you are. I stopped laughing, someone else said that to me once. Who? Hmm--Oh yeah, Dawnie-girl, my mother. God, I hate that fucking bitch!
My face turned emotionless, and fear went into your eyes, but the fear dissolved into anger. You feared me, just like my father feared my mother. Great, I'm just like her, but she never lost it--like me. She was just naturally cruel. What was I? A shy, nice little girl that lost all control at the age of fifteen.
"I am, huh? Guess who fucking help me go off fuckin' edge? Who's always trying to control me?" I replied coldly, sucking all the stale, humid, heavy air from the room with a cold, dark glare at you. You're silent for a moment for once, Jack. I getting a little scared for myself, but more words come out of my mouth, ripping you down to shreds. I smirk cruelly, while tears fall form my eyes. But isn't this what you do to me, when I say 'no' or I don't do what you want?
Jack, why do stay with me? Why, Jack, why? Why do I stay with you? We only fucking hurt other, fighting for dominance. But you always the loner, while I was born in large pack. I knew how to submit, which I did--for you. I realize I'm sobbing. You walk to me and hold me, rocking me softly. Do you really want to comfort me, or is this another method at controlling me.
I ended my sobbing with a couple small sniffle. I wanted to laugh again, then maybe it can drown the question and sick thoughts in my mind, because the crying, sure in hell, didn't help. You kiss me softly on my mouth and then my forehead. You rested your chin on my head, it hurts. But I don't care, I never care about anything, but you. You are only one that love me, and you want me to love you? I can do that, don't I always?
My cracked lips brush your throat, my pink tongue trails down to your shoulder, I lick the blood coming from out of your shirt. You jerk me away, your fingers dig into my arms. You shake me, and all I do is laugh. It doesn't hurt and it not "shaking" me back to reality, if that's want you want. I haven't been in reality since my first suicide attempt at fifteen. I wasn't fazed by his so-called efforts to help me.
"Please, babe! Just--just stop fucking laughing, okay?!" his voice went to pleading to anger. I did shut up for you, you are the only thing that keeps me alive. You're thinking, your eyes are distant and face is tilted. I sighed. The wound from your shoulder is still bleeding, tears form in my eyes, but as quickly as they came, I blink them away. I turn my face in shame. I can never can control myself.
The mirror on the wall, reflects me. I looked deranged and maniacal. My dirty, greasy dyed crimson hair which down is my back, is covered in knots. My brown eyes blood-shot and seem so beady and my skin was a sick pale. My clothes hung off me, I stopped eating food about three months ago, the only thing that I did have, was my choices of poisons: Pepsi and Cigarettes. Both one day are going to kill me--slowly. You snapped out your thoughts, and open your mouth.
"I can't it anymore! I'm leavin'. I'm not goin' to become someone like your father," You inhale deeply, and then continue, "I'll stay, if you only start takin' your pills. Fuck, Lilia, You're a bipolar! Don't you understand, you need your pills," your voice was pleading with me. Your voice sounded so fake, and it probably was. I wanted to say, I do try, but I don't want to be a fucking drone. Jacky-boy, You hated me when I'm on the pills, because I'm too tamed and you don't even have to play for control, but when I'm off, you hate me, because I'm too wild and I don't obey you. Fucked, we are, either way, oh Jacky-boy!
I grab a cigarette from my jean pocket and lit it up. I needed to have some freedom, and for some reason, cigarettes seem to give me some, and at the same time calming me. Fuck, I need a drink of Pepsi too.
"Damnit, Lilia. All you can do it smoke! It going to fuckin' kill you! Don't you care that I'm leaving. You need me!" You have said the same shit, so many times, I think now it's just a damn routine. You always hated changes and loved to be in control. Then I snapped, and I realize that what you really are doing. No more doubts about it. I do need you, because you made me like this. Yeah sure, I was bipolar, but I never really needed anyone. I smiled bitterly in the mirror, then turn to you with same expression. I inhale the cigarettes. I can't wait for the fucking day, I do die from my babies.
I push you away. I walk away. You call out my name, and I flip you off, only because it was the only thing I could do. My voice doesn't seem to work, right now. I walk out the door to our apartment to the hallway, then out the apartment, and then to outside world, which I abandon so long ago. The weather was windy and raining, so the heavy water drops whipped against my once fitted clothes, which covered me poorly now.
I can't believed it. I'm really walking away, I can hear my boots click against the cement, It sounded like heavenly church bells from my childhood church. Bliss filled me for first time in a long time. My face lit up in happiness, but still a hint madness in my eyes and face. I know I never really be as I once was, but at least, I'm away from you.
I sighed, relieved from all this bullshit. You just wanted to control me, and I let you. Another person to control me, like my mother, my sister, and now you. But at least with my family, they let have me some freedom. If you gave just that, maybe I would've stayed, even if how wrong the situation was. I would've--and did anything for you.
When I far enough away from you. I laugh.My laughter, It's a child's laugh, lighthearted, and merry and somehow innocent. People around me,rushed away from me. I swirled and sway my hips on the pavement sidewalk in the park, to music I can only hear. I'm dancing in the rain. I feel free for once. Freedom, is what I dreamed of, and now, I can taste the freedom on my tongue, and strangely enough it tastes like rain.
Delirious Child: My first real (non-fanfiction) story. Review please, tell me what you think. I went through my story four times. I probably didn't get all the grammar mistakes, but if you point them out, I'll fix them. Don't flame me! If don't like the story, I'm sorry! But don't tell me I suck and I should die. Thanks for reading. (I removed and corrected)