“Gerard..? how much longer do we have to walk for?”

“Uh… I dunno… Don’t ask me, ask Emily… She’s the one that said that she knew where she was going!”

“I DO!” Emily piped up. “I said I knew that shortcut from Wal-Mart to the cure! And I do!”

“Tell me again… Why did we have to stop at Wal-Mart?” Tanya questioned.

“To play SPIES, of course… And get Mentos!”

Tanya’s eyes suddenly welled up with tears. “Hugey used to love Mentos… OH GOD I CAN’T TAKE IT!!!” She screamed and dropped to her knees, only to find a family of hedgehogs lounging their prickly bodies on the sidewalk. “Damn hedgehogs! I told you to stay away! I gave your father the money I owed him!!!”

“Tanya? You owed money to a hedgehog?” Gerry inquired, Trying to forget the poker game he lost to a sloth… Gary the Sloth…

“Shut up! He’s got a mafia…” Tanya glared at him and kicked one of the baby hedgehogs.

The three of them kept walking along, but Emily just had to yell “I eat your BABIES!!!” back to the hedgehogs.

“They’ll come after you, you know…” Tanya said, depressed.

“Not with THIS!” Emily exclaimed, pulling out a large Parsley costume and donning it. “BUWAHAHAHAHAA!! Find me now hedgehogs, I can run AND hide! It’s called multi-tasking!”

Tanya and Gerry watched for a while, both raising their left eyebrow in an arch.

“Um… wouldn’t a giant green food costume make you easier to identify?” Gerry asked, resting his cheek against his index finger.

“Nope!” Emily said happily, pointing to the sky, “Just look at the town ahead of us! They’ll never be able to pick me out!”

Turning their heads in unison, Tanya and Gerry saw a small town nestled at the bottom of the hill where they could easily make out giant parsleys going about daily business. Tanya sighed and looked in the opposite direction.

“We aren’t going there though.” She said slowly.

“DAMNIT!”

Emily quickly scrapped the Parsley costume and pulled a hood over her head.

“It’s a weak disguise, but it’s better then nothing.” She said glancing up at Gerry and Tanya.

Tanya and Gerard sighed and pulled on their black hoodies. “Emily, do you know why this is a crappy disguise?” Gerard said.
“Why?”

“Because it has our logo on the back…”

“DAMMIT!!!”

She thought for a couple of minutes and came up with a battling point “It’s either this or the GREEN SPANDEX”

“OH GOD NO!!!!!!” Gerry and Tanya screamed in unison. All the parsley turned to stare.

“Keep it movin, you bloody HERBS!!!” Tanya screamed. “Nothing to see! Get your green asses outta here!”

A mother parsley covered up the “ears” of a baby parsley.

After about ten minutes of walking, Emily broke the silence.

“Wouldn’t it be ironic if Superman came by right now?”

“Yeah…” Tanya replied, “Wouldn’t it be ironic if that chick we met at the roller disco suddenly appeared right now?”

“And burst into flames.” Gerry added thoughtfully.

Suddenly, Evelina, the girl from the roller disco appeared in a chair breathing heavily (it was kind of scary).

“Oh my god!” She gasped, “He TALKED TO ME!”

Out of nowhere, she spontaneously combusted. It sounded something like SHWOOM! The trio watched her flaming body roll away.

“That was odd.” Gerry said after a minute. “So how far is this place?” Their faces were lit up by the flames of Evelina as the Parsleys rushed around trying to put her out (yes, ten minutes of walking and the Parsley’s are still in view).

“Oh, about ten minutes or so… “ Emily said, and took a turn towards a building that looked like a barn.

“Are you sure you know where you’re going?” Tanya asked, a slightly smart look on her face. “GAH! Smartness burns!” She exclaimed, rubbing her face.

Emily completely ignored the outburst, and said in a creepy voice “Someone got murdered here…” and imitated a parrot’s screech.

“Maybe we shouldn’t go here then…” Gerry suggested, but Emily was already prancing into the barn, Tanya following. “Ok, so I’ll just follow them… Cause you know, every time they do something stupid, I have to get them out of it…” and with a heavy sigh, he ran after them.

“So, what did you two fi— Oh, Christ…” Gerard gasped when he came into the barn.

“That ain’t Christ, Gerry…” Emily whispered.

“It’s…” Tanya wanted to say something but…

“HUGHEY!!!” A sparkling gold figure yelled!

Tanya Emily and Gerard all gasped!

They were in shock!

Their prayers were answered!

No, not the ones about them all going and—Ok, so that’s a bit private…

THEY WERE ECSTATIC!!!

“Hugh!” Tanya yelled. “You’ve been resurrected!!!” Her eyes were now welling up with tears of joy.

“Well, not quite.” Hugh stated, stepping off a podium he had been standing on and dusted some… dust… off his shoulders. “I just got knocked out by the inflatable bear at the Travel Lodge… And next thing I knew, I was surrounded by beautiful women that covered me in gold dust and—“

“STOP!” Emily and Tanya yelled, while Gerry looked quite interested.

“So that’s why you were all gold and glowey?” Gerard asked.

“Pretty much, yeah.” Hugh answered with perfect calmness. He then turned his gaze toward Tanya.

He looked at her with loving eyes.

She looked at him.

He looked at her.

She looked at him.

He looked at her, and Evelina rolled by outside the barn, followed by some parsley.

“I love you Hugh!” Tanya screamed, and leapt into Hughey’s arms.

“I love you too, my mustachioed lover!!!”

And the next part was much too pornographic to describe… So we won’t… We’ll just let your imaginations run wild and free! Oh, God, not THAT free!!!

Emily averted her eyes before nudging Gerry in the side and whispering, “Maybe we should get that cure… Cough.”

“Yes, the… cure…” Gerry replied, not averting his gaze which resulted in Emily smacking him.

After what we’re sure will be the next block-buster in the backroom of your local video store, the four of them left the barn, Emily leading the way.

“Okay… so where are we again?”

“Oh my god…” Tanya growled and threw her boomerang frying pan in Emily’s direction. Screaming, Emily ducked. Tanya reached up to catch it.

“Wait for it.” She said

Suddenly the frying pan snapped into a map.

“ ‘ello!” the map cried.

Emily and Gerry screamed and leapt into each others arms (which ended up with them falling to the ground because two people cannot hold each other up at one time).

“The freaking thing talks!” Gerry screeched.

“I know!” Said Tanya wiggling her eyebrows.

Hugh, shaking every so slightly, looked at the map and said, “Um… hello…”

“Where you gents off to?” The map replied, its roadmaps curving into a grin.

“To this place!” Emily cried, thrusting the paper to Hugh, “READ!! READ!!”

And so Hugh read, and they set off, in the opposite direction of where Emily thought they were going. They didn’t notice a small little hunched creature that crinkled when it walked tailing after them in the shadows.