Title: Memory of you

Dedicated to a very good friend of mine, Janice. Life doesn't ends here. But things end when you try to end it yourself. Memory of yours...

Love

A word that was never understand. I always wonder what it feels... I understand the very moment when I met you... But everything ends as soon as it starts... I am still living in that shadow...

I was still young at that time to know anything about 'love'. But when 'He' appeared in my life and taught me all about the word 'love', I thought things will remain just as it is. But 'He' also showed me the pain it carried with it. A sand clock pendent... Laying in my drawer... It remains me of that heartless memory... My first love...

It was our last day for field trip. My classmates were feeling all excited about returning back home. But it wasn't for me. I was feeling terribly blue. After all, I was going to leave him...

“Everyone, I have something for all of you,” He spoke. His voice drew my immediate attention as I looked over towards him. His sapphire eyes deeply attracted me. I couldn't help but stared at him as he gave out the presents to everyone. All of them are delighted and thanked him continuously. He smiled warmly at each of them. Of course, none of them waited a moment to open the present when he said we could.

I was the last to get the gift. I carefully opened the present. My classmates got a range of gift, from books to dolls to bags. I looked at my gift. I was the only one who received the sand clock pendent. Its coloured sands shined under the bright light. But I wondered why I was the only one who received such a present. Magically, he seem to understand what was on my mind. He walked over to me and whispered.

“You will find out the truth someday, Janice. Don't you worry. You will know the truth when time comes by... After all, you are the cleverest girl I had ever met. You will understand the truth.” He whispered to me before walking to my teachers for a chat. I looked at his back as he moved off, without a trace of thought that it was going to be his end.

I was in my room with a few of my friends as we chatted among ourselves about our project after our trip. It was about mid-night, a time when everyone were fast asleep, when suddenly, we heard a loud noise followed by total silence. Sensing something wrong, we walked quietly towards the possible source of voice. Strangely, we found ourselves led to his room. What was even stranger was that his room door was ajar. Peeping in, I found myself in total shocked and voiceless.

There he was, lying in a puddle of blood, his body rising and falling in a slow rhythm. Blood was flowing endlessly out of his wounds. Standing in front of him, was his wife with a bloody knife in her hands. Her expression was a mixture of sadness and shock.

“Alfred!” I cried out as I bumped the door opened without a trace of thought of danger. Everything that was in my mind was I wanted to be by his side to help him. I ignored everything that was happening around me. I gently lifted his head to my lap. His weak and dull eyes looked into mine. Tears were forming in my eyes as I felt so helpless. I couldn't help him even though I was so close to him. Just then, I felt his cold hand against my cheek. He was smiling, a faint smile on his face.

“Janice...” He spoke in a weak voice, “I have... no fear... for death now...”

“Speak no more, Alfred,” I sobbed, “Please... I need you...”

“There is something.... I want... to tell you...” He continued, “That pendent... I gave you... Has a secret... Please... Don't let it... Fall into... the wrong hands... Janice... You are... my last hope...”

“Alfred... Please...” I felt more tears rolling down my cheeks.

“Smile... for me... Janice... You have... been my angel... Even for... only a few days... I have... something... to tell you...”

I looked at him as he held onto his life to finish his sentence. Tears had blinded me.

“I love you...Janice...” Silence accompanied after.

“Alfred?” Nothing came. I knew, he was died. My heart hurt badly. I could do nothing for him... To save him... Even though it was only for a few day, he had helped me a lot. But I couldn't even help in anything.

Sound of drop item made me looked over to find Alice, Alfred's wife at her kneel with the knife beside her. She was looking at us with her teary eyes.

“In the end, he chose you over me,” She sobbed, “No matter how I make myself to be his prefect wife, you still manage to change him the moment the two of you met... I should have known... The way he reacts to you... He loves you... How dumb of me... How dumb of me...”

By then, my teachers and some of my classmates had arrived. Some of them stared in shock. One had informed the police. All waited in silence till the police arrived to take Alice away. I sat at a corner, managing my tears. My friend brought the pendent for me. I stared at it for that whole night...

It was days after I returned back home, I received news about the case:

Alice was actually pro-assassin hired to spy on Alfred for he knew about the secret that many of the underworld were after. He never told anyone. But when he changed after he met me, she feared that I might become the one who would know about the secret thus she threatened him with my danger. He was angry and warned her if she dared to touch me, he will destroy everything concerning the secret. When the organization she worked for heard about it, they ordered her to force the secret out of Alfred before assassinate him.

“When the order came, I hesitated. I love him. I am willing to risk my life for him. But he changed too much after he met Janice. I can see. That girl changed him completely. He believed in her. He never believed in me. Even though I was his wife. He had no love for me.”

It took me a year to figure out the secret. But I am not letting out. This is a secret between Alfred and me. And will continue to be... But whenever I looked at the pendent... This piece of memory will come back to me... No matter how much I tried to forget... I love him too... My heart still hurts... Even now...

“Still thinking about the past?” Another voice asked behind me. I looked over to find my roommate, Lewis grinning at me.

“Problem?” I asked as I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Just how long are you going to live in that memory?” He asked, his arm crossed.

“As long as it takes,” I replied, “It's my world.”

“He will never come back to live,” Lewis shouted.

“And how much do you know?” I shouted back.

“Everything Kit!” He shouted, “I was there as well! I know everything just by looking. It was obvious!”

I watched him in silence. I forgot, Lewis was there as well. He was there to comfort me. He was always there for me after the incident. To get me out of trouble and comfort me.

“I am sorry,” I apologized, “It just hurts.”

“How many have I heard that?” He asked gently.

“I don't know,” I replied, “I never keep track.”

“Never say that to me again will you?” He asked, “It's the 10th year after that incident. You have to live on.”

“I just felt empty, Lewis,” I said, “I missed him.”

“Can I take over his place then?”

His words shocked me. I stared at him for a moment. I wasn't sure if I was hearing right. But his warm lips and his warm touch confirmed to me that it was true. We broke away after a while.

“Can I, Janice?”

“Let's try, shall we?”

Maybe soon, I will find myself in a better world. A world where Love lives again. Maybe soon, I will forget about my pain and live a better live.

If so, I will visit your grave, Alfred, and say 'goodbye'.

And also say,

'I have found someone who love me now and ever, just like you did in the past.'