I WISH I COULD TELL YOU

I wish I could tell you everything

I wish I could spill all my pain into your hands

I wish I could trust you not to judge me

I wish I could trust you just to listen

I wish I could tell you every single sin

I wish I could tell you all my deepest sorrows

From the trauma of today, to the vacant tomorrows

I wish I could tell you everything like when I was five

I wish you could wrap your arms around me and tell me it’s all right

But I know you wouldn’t accept it

You can handle the real me

The way I am when I’m with my friends

You can’t handle my true behavior

You wouldn’t understand

Or maybe you would, but it would scare you

I want you to love me like you’re supposed to

So maybe that’s why I don’t tell you the things I do

Maybe I don’t tell you because of all the little things you do when you see a real part of me

That grimace, that frown, that disparaging remark

It’s not that I don’t love you, I really do

It’s just I can’t trust you to accept what my life really is

What really happens when I go out with my friends

What we really talk about

What really goes on while you’re away

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When I hurt inside and am acting like a bitch, that’s just because it hurts inside because of what happened last night and how I

can’t tell you

How I can’t tell you that my friends are betraying each other right and left and that all I can do is sit and stare

It’s killing me, what they’re doing to each other

And how it’s affecting me

How their hatred is tearing the whole group apart

How I don’t know who some of them are anymore

How I don’t know if I can continue on

How I don’t know if we’ll all get through this

If we’ll all just go back to the way things were

If we can just be happy, like we used to

If I can ever accept what he did to her

And what she did to him

I don’t know if I can take it

I want to fix it; I want to make it better

I can’t comprehend why someone would be so mean

Would be so inconsiderate, selfish, and rude

It makes me want to hurl a brick at a wall

Watch the wall cave in

Watch it sink in pain like you deserve to do

Will we all continue on in this treachery?

I want to rewind it all, to go back in harmony

To take back all the hate, all the phone calls, all the nasty e-mails that only rip us apart

The mellow music cannot camouflage my anger no longer

I want to scream at the injustice

To shake them upside down until a true apology comes from their mouths

It makes me sick the way they treat one another

It makes me want to self combust from all the anger I suppress

To implode from all the pain that haunts my days

I could break a board right now, with how angry they make me feel

Damnit, I want to break a wall