The first time I saw her, if I had known all that encompassed that one word, that one attempt at intimacy, I’m not sure I would’ve asked her name.

I was incredibly bored on that night. Exams were over. The summer stretched before me like one enormous math equation that would make me so uninterested, yet unwilling to return to the daily grind of high school. My seventeen year-old mind wanted a challenge, and my hormonal body wanted one too. In the winter, all you can think about is the sweet release of summer. But, then it comes around, and its false advertisement fails to deliver. Life is never what you expect to be, so says the clichés of old. So, I decided to never assume anything, never to guess, and I guessed I’d never find any disappointment in life, right?

Italicized…

My name’s Linda. I hate it. At school they call me Linda the Lesbo. Summer is the only time I’m free to go out into the world with the dropouts who are my closest friends. I always yell at them about leaving me behind. On June 3, there was a new moon out. Everything was even darker than usual, which was cool. We usually would go up under the bridge that’s about fifteen minutes walking distance from the little run down house they all live in. We live in this little run down town that’s trying to be a thriving town again. Well, I don’t know if they’re even trying anymore, to resuscitate it, I mean.

The people I’m going to live with when my mom kicks me out for my preference and atheism are named Michel, Erin, Freddy, Nicole and Nole. Everyone save Nole works at the pathetic attempt at a mall in the middle of town. Nole just quit his job because he was accused of stealing something that he didn’t. Sure, he stole other things, but why would he want a seven-dollar tube of lipstick? Moving on, I’m the only one who hasn’t yet contributed to their rent. I feel bad about it, yeah; I’m there almost every other day. I’ve tried to find a job, but I can’t. I guess I’ll have to make some money this summer, to put some back for rent. Maybe I’ll go to the suburbs and mow some grass. Whatever.

Anyway, that night we all gathered our sober asses up and walked down to the bridge. When we got under it, the sky began to piss on us. We gathered all the trash from the road and threw it in a barrel to make a fire. It kept us warm while we tried to wait out the storm. Not that we needed to be warm, being in the middle of summer and all, but we like to make fires so the homeless people will leave us alone. We leave it burning when we leave, we not that bitchy, but they stink.

This night, I was, as I said before, horny. Chel was out of town, so I was alone as everyone else began to hook up. They were all straight, so, I was out of luck. Just as I was resigning to drink myself into a stupor, a twig snapped and everyone froze and looked out into the dark night. I’m a firm nonbeliever in anything spiritual, so I assumed it was either an animal, or a courageous hobo. But the other girls, goth as they are, squealed. The guys tried to calm them down, and hoped that it was true what was said about scared women. Nevertheless, much to everyone else’s relief, no more sounds were heard, other than the rain’s song of triumph over the dry air, and the games resumed.

“Okay, I’m frickin’ bored, see ya’ll later.” Yes, I said ya’ll. I was born and raised in the south, I can’t help it. Not that anyone bothered to say anything back to me. I stood up and walked out into the humid night, praying that I did get raped. The night welcomed me with open arms of steam, which rose from the road like spirits laboring to escape this purgatory. Suddenly, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, but I assumed it was because of my rain-drenched hair. Its auburn colored, and shaved short, with long chunks of hair hiding my left eye, which was black because of the latest fight with the captain of the pompom heads. She was much worse off, of course. I stopped short of breaking her collarbone.

I walked along Main Street, on which was located the local Wal-Mart, the antichrist of stores I’ve heard. I haven’t applied there, I thought, so I walked the quarter of a mile long parking lot and went to the little computer application center back behind the crafts. Fifteen minutes later, I finished and walked back out, grabbing a new lip ring and a Smirinoff and slipping them in my newly acquired book bag on the way. I would have grabbed more, but I felt like I was being watched by some creep, so I headed back out into the darkness with my small haul and kept my eyes open for anything that might suggest a good time. You know, kegger, birthday bash, whatever guaranteed illicit content.

Having seen little to no chance of anything fun, I started to make my way back home. I was pissed at having done jack to make myself happy. Some jackasses had tried to pick me up, thinking I was a whore. I resisted the temptation. I was about fifteen minutes away from my mom’s house when I saw tons of cars pulled up at this one house. I walked in and grabbed a hard lemonade, made out with some chic, and left. Nothing interesting, just tons of coke. I know better than to get addicted to that shit. I don’t do drugs that often. Liquor’s my demon of choice.

And then, I saw her. She seemed to be walking away from the same party I was, but she looked like she was from another world all together. Long, black hair, a little on the short side, but I could tell she had a nice body. I walked straight up to her, hoping for my chance, and said “Hey.”

She actually jumped, I guess I startled her. She looked at me straight into my eyes, and I saw hers through the weak light coming from the flickering lamppost. They were twin globes of ice, inviting you in, letting you drift in a mindless mess in their unfathomable depths. Mine aren’t nearly that interesting, plain amber color, edged with a little brown. Her face was slim and pale; she still looked a little surprised at being spoken to. “Hello,” she said uncertainly. I shook myself, pulling my consciousness away from those eternal pools and used my usual line.

“I was just wondering what someone as fragile as you was doing walking alone.” She took her frighteningly beautiful eyes away from mine, and spoke softly.

“There is no one else.”

“Oh, what do you mean?”

“I have no one and no home…”

“Really,” I replied, getting a little apprehensive. She was acting like she wasn’t all there, so I was getting a little disappointed.

“I’m sorry, I probably am sounding insane right now.” Mentally, I agreed with her. “I just lost someone. Just now.”

“Was it a girl?” She nodded. “Were you really close?” She nodded again. “I’m sorry, I forgot. My name’s Linda.” I held out my hand, and she took it.

She spoke one word. “Jessica.”

“Pretty name.” She smiled gently at me, making me think of angelic paintings. “What did you mean, you don’t have a home?”

“It was destroyed in a fire, along with my girlfriend.” My heart did back flips. I really thought I was going to get laid tonight.

“Well, I live in a pretty big house; you need a place to stay?” Another nod. “C’mon.” She tried to refuse, but I convinced her. I led the way to the gang’s house. It was still raining, so those pansies wouldn’t be coming back for a while. When we arrived I got into some dry clothes and Jessica changed into some of my clothes too. She looked hot in one of my camisoles. I told her so, and she giggled, and thanked me. We discussed where we were born and growing up and all that jazz. An hour later, our conversation lulled into a silence where we simply sat there and looked at each other. I leaned forward from my position on the couch, and kissed her. She kissed me back for a second, but then, she pulled away and stood up, her back towards me.

“I’m…I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Jessica seemed upset. I suppose I guessed wrong about her. Damn.

“Nah, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…Jessica?” She was rocking herself on the floor, covering her ears with her hands and whispering something. I stood up and crouched beside her. I could now understand what she was saying.

“No, no, no, no, please not her, not her, its not her fault, please no, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…stop it…” I had brought home a psycho.

“Jessica, who are you talking to?” I asked her gently, trying not to upset her.

She looked up at me, terror and tears in her blue eyes. “Him…Andrew…he killed her…now he wants to kill you…”

“There’s no one here. It’s just you and me, I promise,” I cooed, not believing a thing she said. Then, that familiar chill went down my neck, and my breath became visible. The temperature had dropped maybe thirty degrees in a second. Fear set in as I began to tremble. A groan of horror escaped her throat. “What’s…going on?” I whispered as I hugged her shivering form.

“He’s going to kill both of us…he used to love me, but he hates me now too…he wants me to die…” she sobbed into my shoulder. Her noises of grief made me crack. Tears trailed down my cheek but my mind raced. I couldn’t think of any way to explain what was happening. But, through the terrified ramblings of my mind came one word. Survival. I gritted my teeth and stood up against the winds that were ripping through the living room.

“Y-you punk! Sack of sh-shit! Y-you’re killing her! If you love her so much, then why don’t you back the fuck off and let her live a normal life?!” The gusts began to slow down a little, and I thought I heard the sound of a man crying. The gentle sounds of heartfelt words floated around us.

I’m sorry, Jessica…I’ll always love you…I’m sorry…

And he was gone. Our ordeal was over, and whatever had happened to Jessica before never did again. We dated for about a month, when she died in a car crash. Since then, I haven’t had the same date for more than a week. They always seem to disappear and never call me back. I haven’t figured that one out yet.

Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, right? Yeah, right.

&c&o&c&o&n&u&t&s&!& Thanks to all those who have bothered to read this. I'll bet this makes absolutely no sense, but think about it and it will. Flames are welcome. My rabid llamas need to be kept warm. MWA HA HA HA HA HA!! Bye bye!