Hide and Seek

Where are we?

What the hell, is going on?

The dust has only just,

Begun to fall,

Crop circles in the carpet,

Sinking, feeling…

This moment was so surreal. The living room was so empty, so desolate. It was almost like an island, the blue carpeting acting like a sea. The land, a black leather couch she let him keep, and the glass coffee table. He brought the small television from their—pardon, his bedroom. It was a rather pathetic island, but he had to make do with it for the time being. There were splotches of brighter blue on the carpet, from where furniture once stood, until she took it all away.

Tobias ran a hand through his blonde, dishevelled hair. He’d never felt this crummy, or this low before in his life. Who hadn’t, when your wife left you for someone else?

He paced around the rooms of the apartment, noticing the marble counters in the kitchen gathering dust. Noticing now how much his surroundings had changed.

Spin me around again,

And rub my eyes,

This can’t, be happening,

When busy streets,

A mess with people would stop to hold,

Their heads, heavy…

He had to be dreaming, he just had to. This was ludicrous, any minute now he would wake up and see her lying next to him. Tobias went into the bedroom to peer out the window, and see the busy sidewalks below. The noise was almost like music; it gave him a distraction… a distraction from how shitty his life had become.

If only they could feel my pain, he laughed to himself bitterly. They would all be sulking… they would be living in hell, every single one of them. Everyone would be wandering aimlessly, not caring which direction they were heading, because each one leads to oblivion.

Hide and seek,

Trains and sewing machines,
All those years,

They were here first…

He sat down on the bed, putting his head in his hands, and staring down at the hardwood floor. Something white poked out from underneath the dark green blanket. Once he pulled it out, he winced in pain; her wedding dress.

Why would she put it there? he pondered, holding the dress up to the sunlight seeping in from the window.

The memory still seemed fresh in his mind, of her walking down the aisle. She was so beautiful… so perfect. He slid his fingers across the silky white fabric, and the sequin design on the hem of the dress. It was so simple, yet so elegant; his heart got heavier just thinking about her on their special day.

Well, more like his special day… had their vows meant nothing to her?

Oily marks appear on walls,

Where pleasure moments hung before,

The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity,

Of this,

Still life…

The walls seemed so desolate, so empty; pictures of them, their families… all these memories were gone from the walls. They were locked up in the darkest part of his mind, where he never wanted to venture again.

The light blue paint on the wall seemed so dull, after the photos were taken off. He just couldn’t bear to look at them again; he couldn’t bear to look at anything in this house again. There was no life in these walls… there was no life in him.

Lifeless…

Hide and seek,

Trains and sewing machines,

Oh, you won’t catch me around here,

Blood and tears,

They were here first…

He went back into his bedroom feeling nothing but anger and vengeance. He took a pair of scissors from the kitchen drawer and went into his bedroom to see the wedding dress lay there on the bed.

He snipped the air twice, then shredded the dress into pieces. If their wedding meant nothing to her, than what good would the dress be? It’s not as if she’d need it again, and if by some bizarre reason she did he would send the remainders of it to her by mail.

Snip, snip, snip. The dress started to turn into smaller pieces by the second. The bed looked like it was covered in a layer of snow, making this room feel cold to him.

Is this how all marriages worked out? If it was, he really didn’t want any part in it. Hell, he didn’t want anything to do with “love” again.

Going into his closet, he took his tuxedo from that “special” day, and began the same process he used on the dress. Anger made him carry on his task, and as soon as he finished, he dropped the scissors onto the floor with a clank.

Sobs wracked his body, as he fell to his knees, and put his head in his hands. Tears spilt onto the torn pieces of fabric on the bed, as he cried for everything. Tears were falling for his wreck of a marriage, everything he just couldn’t seem to cry for in the past.

Mm what you say?

Mm that you only meant well,

Well of course you did,

Mm what you say?

Mm that it’s all for the best,

Of course it is,

What you say?

Hmm that it’s just what we need,

You decided this,

What you say?

What did she say?

As the salty tears streamed down his pale cheeks and dark stubble, his mind travelled back to that horrible moment.

---------------------------

It had been a week after their honeymoon from Italy, and Tobias couldn’t have been happier.

So when he returned home expecting Mia to be home from work a half hour later, a look of shock fell upon his face. Mia was sitting on the couch, a suitcase on either side of her.

Her fiery red hair was dishevelled, and her emerald eyes a dull colour. Her tear stained face spelled out his worst fears.

“ Mia?” he asked quietly, as he closed the door and eyed her warily. “ What’s going on?”

She ran a pale ivory coloured hand through her hair and took a deep breath and said those dreadful words.

“ I c-can’t do this an-anymore, Toby,” she stuttered as tears threatened again.

Time almost seemed to have stopped, as that awful phrase left her mouth. Did he hear her correctly? No, no, he couldn’t have… it had to be something else.

“ What?” was all he managed to say, looking at the ground in fear of hearing it again.

“ Toby, I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, as she got to her knees in front of him, and took his large hands in her small ones. “ It’s not you… I just think I rushed into this a little too soon. I don’t think I’m ready for marriage… I know I’m not,”

What did she say? Did he hear her correctly?

“ I don’t want you to waste your time with someone who doesn’t deserve you… you deserve so much more than me,” she continued. “ It’s for the best… for the both of us… please… please don’t be mad. I’m only doing this to help… I don’t want to hurt you,”

Mia made him look at her, but it’s almost as if he saw right through her. As if she weren’t really there, it just air, and nothing more. He didn’t see the woman he married; there was a stranger in his house, and he wanted her to leave.

He saw her mouth move, but no sound came out. The world was on mute, and all he could hear was the silent screaming in his head.

What was she saying?

“ I love you, Tobias,” she whispered in his ear. It sounded like such a foreign phrase. “ Please, say something,”

Silence engulfed the room, as she held on to him for her dear life… to say anything… just anything to make her breathe.

“ Leave,” he whispered.

It wasn’t his intention to say that one word, but it came out. Anything to get this stranger to leave him in peace, to leave him with his thoughts.

Again he saw her in motion, but he couldn’t make out the words she said. The next thing he knew she was gone.

Gone.

----------------------------------

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth,

Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs,

Speak no feeling, no I don’t believe you,

You don’t care a bit, you don’t care a bit…

The wedding day was a lie… everything that built their relationship was a fucking lie. Her vows meant nothing, they were just sugar coated lies; lies that he believed, and would cherish for the rest of his life.

It was almost as if she was a robot; she didn’t love him… she could never feel the hurt and pain that he was suffering right at this moment. An emotion wasn’t a familiar term to her, nor had she experienced it.

His heart felt heavy, his world was nothing but grey and cloudy. He wanted to stop this pain… this hurt that was eating him alive.

The scissors on the floor looked tempting, and his only escape. It’s not like his wonderful “wife” would care if he vanished from the face of the Earth in the first place. For whatever reason misery was bestowed upon her in the future, she deserved it… every single bit of it.

Tobias didn’t want to deal with this anymore; all the sorrow and depression was a living a nightmare. He was praying for a release… for everything negative to seep from his veins. For all the memories of Mia to fade away…

He didn’t want to love her anymore… he wanted to let go. He needed to let go. Anything was better than this torment.

The blade of the scissors were his saviour; one cut to his right wrist, another to his left. All he saw was red, and a chance to let go… to be free.

After all this was the only answer.

As the saying goes, until death do us part…

You don’t care a bit,

No, no, you don’t care a bit,

No, no, you don’t care a bit,

No, no, you don’t care a bit,

You don’t care a bit,

You don’t care a bit…