Rosa And Raj

Prologue

Returning back to where it all started was immensely painful and terrifying. I never imagined that I would ever come back. As time went on I was tempted to go and see what had happened to the place I left behind.

Before I left I entrusted all my fondest memories to the wind and surrounding land here. I knew that no one would ever find out. The wind here never whispers its secrets; it’s as silent as my soul.

I promised myself that I would leave behind everything and start fresh, which I did but somewhere in my inner core the love that had bloomed was still present like an antique, the more time went on the more priceless it would become.

I sound like someone past my generation, but all the experiences I have had with life makes me more mature than some people my age. I left my sanctuary which was crumbling in front of my eyes ten years ago. At that time I was only 17. Now I am a grown woman.

I escaped to Australia with my Mother and brother. I promised myself that I would forget the land, the love and the bad times that came with them. I went to university and became a lawyer. I got married and settled down. But something was missing.

My heart became stone and I could not feel any emotions. I accepted cases and took them to court and won. I lied to save murderers and criminals. On one occasion I remember accepting a case about a young girl who had eloped with her lover only to be caught and brought back to her angry parents. This young girl’s father had gone and stabbed her lover. I was defending the father. Memories were rushing back with such intense force that I couldn’t keep my head up. I intentionally lost the case.

My husband left me. He said that I did not love him and that I have changed. It was that day in court that brought upon my rapid change of character. I was dragged back to the past. A past that was worth more than anything, a past that I had tried to leave behind; I knew it would someday catch up to me!

That was when I decided to return to my tiny village in Northern Sri Lanka. This was where my story began…..

- Memories -

The roads were crumbling, no one had bothered to fill them with tar and fix them up. I had to stop my car about 15 km away from the village because I couldn’t take it on this harsh road. I walked passed the old temple which seemed to be deserted now. Everything had changed to the extent where I wondered whether this was the place I used to live. I was taken back at the sight of the little clay houses as I entered into the village. Some had collapsed and some had crumbled leaving only a pile of dried clay. There seemed to be no one living here now.

I could see Signs posted up. Very old signs from the time I used to live here. “Land mines beware” I read out loud. That was how my father died. He stepped on a land mine. A stab of guilt hit me hard. When my father passed away I did not even go to his funeral. I was too convulsed with fury to even look at him after what he did to me and Raj. But now I regret it. That moment I wished I could go back in time to be with my father. But no matter what I knew I could never go back in time.

I walked further into the fresh greenness of the trees. I remembered running passed them everyday in a rush to get to school. My sister and brother were always behind me. Maybe our house was still here. I wished very hard that it would still be here. I walked further into the trees. I passed another clump of clay which I suspected used to be houses.

At that moment it hit me. Maybe I shouldn’t be walking here. Maybe it’s still dangerous. That might be the reason why there is no one else here. I stopped walking and looked around me. I really wanted to continue and something inside my head kept telling me I should and that I won’t get hurt. So I did, I didn’t care anymore about my life. What was the point of a life without Happiness; my happiness had been sucked out of my soul a long time ago. I doubted it would ever return.

The smell of the damp Paddy fields where welcoming. I wanted to run across them like I used to with Raj. He was the chaser and I would run away from him. He would catch me always and then we would both run together. I loved him. He loved me too. We planned of how we would get married and build a house and have children. We lived in our little dream world hidden away from all danger.

I walked passed the village Masters house. That house still stood tall and proud even when the rest of the small clay huts had fallen. That was similar to how it was back in those days. We poor Villagers were made to feel like we were worth nothing while the household of Master Chris was almighty and important.

Master Chris who was in his mid 50’s had a son, Karl. He came to the school all the other villager went to. He always boasted that his father could send him elsewhere because they were rich. Once I said to him “then why don’t you goto another schoolif your father is so rich? Why are you staying here?”

And he replied saying “I only stay because there are pretty girls like you roaming around here”

I remember everyone in class laughing. I got very embarrassed but felt myself rising 6 inches into the sky with pride.

I walked along the path to the house that the Masters used to live in. Maybe they still lived here? I was curious. I knocked on the door and waited for a moment. An elderly lady came walking from the back of the house. She looked alarmed at seeing me.

“Rosa is that you?” she asked

I was stunned. Who was this lady and how did she know me?

“It’s been so Long Rosa can you remember me?”

“I’m sorry I truly don’t remember; who are you?”

“Aunty Margaret; I’m Irene’s mother, remember Irene your friend at school?”

“Yes yes I do remember her how could I forget; is she here too?”

With those words a dark cloud arose above Aunty Margaret’s head. It looked like someone had reached in and pulled out her soul.

“Irene is dead; the soldiers came and took her. We tried to stop them, everyone tried. I tried so hard not let go of her, but one of the soldiers pushed me and I broke my hand. The last words I heard from her were amma come and save me please don’t let them take me away. You remember what those days were like, don’t you daughter?”

“Yes aunty I do that’s why we left this country with those foreign people who offered us tickets to Australia, Aunty, I remember they offered most people in the village tickets. Why didn’t you go?”

“I love this village my child I could never leave it”

“What happened to the Masters? Master Chris? Karl?”

“Master Chris died when the army attacked this side of the village and Karl went overseas too. I think he has a family now. He left this house in my care.”

“Aunty it’s nice seeing you but I should get going. I want to walk around as much of this village as I can”

“Bless you daughter”

As I continued to walk along the dusty path I felt empty inside. Hearing the News about my friend made me feel like I didn’t deserve this life I had. Irene had been my best friend. I trusted her with all my secrets. I told her everything about Raj, But in the end that trust was thwarted.

I don’t and will never blame her for what happened. I know what sort of colossal pressure she must have been under to safe guard my secret. It wasn’t fair! Why did she have such a terrible fate when I of all sinful people had a full yet bitter life? I couldn’t help but feel guilty. I had yelled at Irene the day before our departure. I was outraged at what she did and I was not prepared under any circumstance to forgive her.