We at Stellar! Action News recently had the opportunity to sit down with famed super-villain Doctor Macabre for an exclusive interview. For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past 25 years, Doc Macabre was the madman behind the recent attempted nuclear bombing of Kirby City, before he was thwarted in the zero hour by Captain Awesome and the rest of the Union of Exemplary Heroes. And now, onto the interview!

S!: Doctor Macabre, let me begin this interview by telling you that it is an absolute honor to be given the chance to talk to someone as infamous as yourself.

DM: Please, please, the honor is all mine! I’ve been aching to do an interview with your publication for ages, I just haven’t had the time!
S!: Well, you’re certainly doing plenty of time now aren’t you? What did they sentence you with for the bombing, anyway?

DM: laughs Oh, 12 consecutive life sentences, three goes on the electric chair, and about two dozen hangings.

S!: How unfortunate, how do you think that will affect your career?

DM: It’s a setback, I will admit, but it’s not like I haven’t suffered worse over the years, right?
S!: True true. Your short-lived career as a Gangsta-Rapping Super Villainous Mastermind springs to mind.

DM: laughs Ahhh yes. My old days as Mac-Daddy-Abre. That whole bit was a disaster from start to finish, really. I remember… Oh God, I’m blushing just thinking about it, I remember my costume. It was this really poofy get-up with the big pants and the uh… the… what is it they call it these days? Shingles? Pringles? The shiny stuff around my neck. And of course, the name, oh my GOD the name… You know, I don’t think most people even got the joke? A complete and utter disaster. My publicist jokes that it was the biggest tragedy of my career, even more than the time I turned all those pandas inside out.

S!: Ahh yes, the great Bamboo-Transmogrification Scheme of ’93. You were in the paper for weeks for that one, I remember it took them a while to sort that one out. Who was it that ended up catching you for that one?

DM: It was… Oh God, I can’t remember his name. It was the foppish one, with those weird cheese graters. I remember he was… something French?

S!: Oh! I remember, it was Le Fromage, right?

DM: Right! Aaaahhh, good times. Whatever happened to him?

S!: I believe he went into exile after you killed his wife.

DM: That’s right! Oh man, that was a fun time.

S!: I’m sure it was. So tell us Doctor Macabre, how did you end up where you are today? Everyone’s dying to know the life story of one of the world’s most infamous evildoers.

DM: Well, I suppose there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s kind of a funny story, actually. Did you know that I didn’t originally plan to become a super-villain?

S!: Really? How fascinating!

DM: It’s true; I actually started out as a veterinarian. I even took Dober-Man’s temperature once, got his autograph, the whole nine yards. He told me I had very supple hands. I asked him why he couldn’t just go to a normal doctor, and he gave me a strange look and left.

S!: So what happened? How did you become the feared Doc Macabre?
DM: Well, when I became good enough to start my own veterinary practice, I asked them to call it Dr. MacAbre’s Veterinary Clinic. See, not many people know that my family is actually Scottish, and of the clan MacAbre, with a capital A. Apparently, the sign makers didn’t understand that the ‘A’ was supposed to be capitalized either, and gave me a lower-case a instead.

S!: But what happened then?
DM: Well, the sign came back reading “Dr. Macabre’s etc…”, and I figured there wouldn’t be any real harm in it, it was just a small typo. But about a week later, some young upstart wanting to make something of himself came knocking on my door and started shooting me with his laser vision, calling me all sorts of rotten things like a “dastardly madman” or an “infernal megalomaniac” and things like that. Really clichéd, lame, typical superhero-y stuff. And after he got his jollies blasting the ever-loving mercy out of my torso, he decided to haul me off to the police station.

S!: So he just assumed you were a super-villain because he thought your name was Dr. Macabre?
DM: Exactly! Of course, the police assumed I was a super-villain as well, so they decided to kick me around a bit before I finally managed to call a lawyer. But you want to know what the real kicker was?
S!: What?

DM: None of them, and I mean none, could pronounce macabre right. laughs They were saying things like Micahbree, Mackabtree, one guy even thought it was pronounced Mcsobby. Mcsobby! The whole debacle disillusioned me to the law and whatnot in general enough that I figured the whole lot of them could use someone to keep ‘em on their toes.

S!: laughs Oh, that’s rich. So, what’s in the future for Doctor Macabre?

DM: Well, my publicist has been talking to Universal Pictures, trying to work out the rights to Doctor Macabre: The Musical Ice Show, and of course I’m always working on some sort of sub-orbital laser cannon or another. Other than that, who knows, really? I’m always open to suggestions. There may even be a Mrs. Macabre at some point in the future, and maybe even a little litter of Macablettes.

S!: Well that’s dandy! Thank you very much for the interview, Doctor!
DM: Please, thank you, I’d love to do this again!