I feel the air compress around me

I feel my mind cave in

I hear you say you’ll be my friend

But I know you don’t mean it

I know you don’t care about me

So I put up black walls to save me

And to make you go away

With looks and words

And thoughts and threats

I save myself from you

My biggest regret

Is that I will never meet you

The black walls that save me from boring you

Or having you forget me

Save you from truly knowing me

And me from knowing you

I empty myself of emotion

Trying to save myself from you

I laugh, I cry, I scream in pain

All from the thought of you

The person I never knew

The one true regret I have

Is that the black walls I built

So long ago to save myself from you

Have grown higher and higher

I won’t, I can’t, I refuse

I will not live my life afraid

Afraid that I will be forgotten

Afraid that my walls will keep growing

Afraid that the sun will set

And no one will think of me

I feel the air compress around me

I feel my mind cave in

I hear you say you’ll be my friend

But I don’t want to believe

I cannot hope for love

I cannot dream for thought

All I can do when they ask me why

Is say ‘I save myself from you.’

-CES