I'm so sorry for the very very long wait...but finally, this is the last chapter of this story.

But it won't be really the end. I'm planning a second part. It will take time too to write it, and I'm going to revise the first part too...

Thanks a lot to my beta Rachizzle (and I absolutely understand if you don't remember everything of this story, you're forgiven ^_^)

That strange chant …

In the distance, trees are singing. Nearby, my thoughts are sounding like a harsh blues. Leaves are quivering. Branches are cracking. The warm breeze is a faithful lover, never sparing with caresses. I hear them, those plaintive voices. I hear it, that bitter-sweet ballad. It lulls me. I was expecting to find absolute silence, here. Don’t you believe it! It is dancing, humming, sparkling, and then, the weather is fine. Clear sky. A brilliant sun. You can just imagine.

My shoes are crunching under the path of sand, the resulting sound slightly breaking the surrounding harmony. Several more steps again…I bite one nail. I move an unruly lock aside and breathe in deeply. Air burns my lungs for a moment, an unknown alcohol sets my senses on fire. My shoulders sag. A black hole devours light. A bottomless pit deepens inside of me.

I stop in front of that grey and plain slag.

One could almost miss it if one didn’t pay enough attention. Very close, luxuriant marble gravestones are full of flowers, crosses compete with others, epitaphs in gold letters pile up. It is an orgy of farewells, an aesthetic pleasure. Elise’s grave is so modest by comparison. At the same time, it blends in with the mass and it is distinguishable. It is sober and noteworthy.

On the white, blinding ground, I can see my elongated shadow, a black tint area which starts from the path to overlap a dreary step to cover the dates carved into stone. I lean forwards abruptly. I push some potted plants aside. A white rose meets dark granite. Innocence is wrapped up in the cold of the earth. It is really the end. My palm wipes away a few tears. I clear my throat. I feel strange facing this stone. I shiver.

« It comes from the garden. », I whisper, staring at the flower and its thorns.

I look up. My eyes take in the rest of the cemetery, with its dusty paths which pass through that space. The keeper is going around. Nearby, a person has just turned a faucet on to wash his hands. I count to three and then I let my thoughts overwhelm me again. They are ringing out on every side, assailing my heart.

Elise, your wish hasn’t come true. It was like the trembling flame of a candle. It went out so quickly. How to relight it? I think I don’t want it anymore. I am cynical. I am pessimistic. Don’t criticize me for being like that. Anyway, there is nothing surprising about that, after what happened before.

I think about those days, about what had occurred. You were faced with this madness. You were swept away by this storm. I have lost you. I didn’t hold your hand long enough. Wind has taken you away. He has laughed at me and at my pitiful efforts. Desire has caused all of this. Bad luck is in our blood, really.

Do you hear me? Is my voice is ringing out correctly? Should I shout? That is true, you are deaf. I carry on though…I can’t give up. I am asking you all these questions…and it is too late…never before have my eyes been so moist with tears. Never before have your eyes haunted me so much. The green irides are striking down my nights, turning them into endless nightmares.

Did you love him?

You shouldn’t have done it. You shouldn’t have expressed your interest. It was a fantasy which went by a shadow. How could you believe his brother? Although…I have no lesson to teach you. I was mistaken too. It seems to me that was a long time ago, and I still can hear Jude speaking to me.

I have got some staggering news for you.

In the end, only one love prevailed.

Only one.

I couldn’t believe my ears.

I still remember Jude’s outline, his continuous limping gait, his sloping shoulders, and his sadness. He had cried so much that his eyes were red, him, who usually kept his composure. Nobody is safe, I assume. An unfavorable wind can at any time capsize a life. Nothing is stable. It is like a house of cards which might collapse any day now.

And my thoughts are still spinning, twirling inside my head.

Some blades of grass have grown on the path. They are yellow at the end, a little dry. They are really a pitiful sight. Here, it is usually well-kept, though. It is usually spotless. They look after the dead well enough, even better than the living. Ironic, isn’t it?

You are pampered, Elise. Every time one is dead, one will be treated with more respect. I find this idea unbearable, so I lose myself in the contemplation of this superb cemetery landscape.

A ladybug is going for a walk, just nearby. It lifts its red wings and black veils start to shake. It flies off before settling on a small pebble. I smile. I forget for a few short seconds the bitterness of my memories. Unfortunately, the break is brief.

A voice starts to ring out through my head. My throat is drying itself. It is as if there is ash rolling up under my tongue.

« I’m leaving. I can’t stand living here anymore. I’ve been undecided for a long time. Not until then. »

A new betrayal. I felt it like that. I didn’t say anything though. And Jude continued talking. Me or someone else…it wasn’t important. He just wanted to confide in anybody. I was the lucky receiver of this melodrama.

The gap was getting bigger and bigger inside of me as he told his story. Jude didn’t give a shit about what I was just feeling. His brother’s suicide had loosened his tongue. Later, I understood what that had meant. Elise or I in this fiasco, we were the innocent victims of a long quarrel.

« Yesterday, he came to see me. I refused to let him in. I refused to let him talk. »

My face is sweaty. It is hot today. But fortunately, there is a wind cooling my boiling body down. I would need a tissue to mop my wet forehead. Too bad. It doesn’t matter. I can stand this lack of comfort.

« Once, I let him speak. And he dared to say that thing. I left home shortly after. I was playing the piano at that time. I used to love it. He was listening to me. That’s when he said it. It definitely spoilt this urge. »

This game is cruel. This story is cruel. Elise, you shouldn’t have been a part of this.

«I have never forgiven him. It was madness. He shouldn’t have spoken like this. That was…those feelings…I didn’t want to see his ugly face anymore. He disgusted me. »

Some clouds are hiding the sun, casting a premonitory shadow on the world. The ladybug is climbing over your grave.

« Yesterday, I first bared my door to him. And then, I noticed that…I believed that he had changed at last. He seemed very happy! I told myself that a dark chapter in our lives had just ended. But again …he started to say that kind of things…I got angry. He told me…Thomas…he was laughing when he was saying that…he was making fun of me… ».

I showed him the photos. He didn’t want to believe it. I think I am mean. I felt he still refused to believe it. It is not a matter of believing. It is a fact. It had happened. Jeff was taking the photos. For him, it was another game.

He liked to destroy. He was fierce. He didn’t stand the idea that someone could claim the place he wanted to take. It hadn’t been like that for me. After all, I have demonstrated it with my body. He had felt it. I am still astonished.

His suicide is a slap, sheer mockery. I won’t be able to reach him anymore now, that little shit. My rage is pointless. The anger, too. Well…there is still one thing to do…to find the unknown bastard who was doing this, on those photos. Only Jeff would have been able to tell me, but now, he will definitely keep his secret. He had given away a few things to Jude very imperfectly. Currently, he is silent. What a shame.

What is left for me?

Yes, is there someone I have got left? The cypress trees can’t answer this question, of course. And that overwhelming silence…

Yes, Jude is going away. He has moved to a new house. He likes fleeing. And he still doesn’t know why his brother had hung himself, upstairs, in the attic. He still doesn’t know why a cord had met its counterpart. I think that…to tell the truth, I don’t know how to explain it. Who can really understand Jeff? How can I understand him after what he has just done?

He has left too. That mockery blows up at my face. It is still blowing up at my face. I hear a magpie cawing. It is like it is a laugh. Yes, it is funny, isn’t it? I would like to wring this bird of ill omen’s neck. They have both gone away. You have gone away, my sister.

What is left for me then?

I murmur very gently, speaking to that grave. My choked voice gets those sentences out with great difficulty: « You see…Elise…your promise…it’s only what I have…that wish…it isn’t feasible! Happiness? Elise ! You were so naive to believe in it! »

The ladybug is running along the curves of your name carved into stone. Its task seems very arduous. Although, that stupid yet courageous insect is still going on. And I tell myself that I’d better follow its example. I don’t know if I can have such strength. It is much easier to take things as they come, pass and end eventually. So, I think I will wait. Maybe, one day, I will have an answer. Maybe or maybe not…

I sigh. Despair, sharp and cruel despair, is assailing me again. My eyes are burning. Again. I don’t know why they won’t stop. My body is trembling. I would like to sleep, to stay here forever. I would stare at that grave; always stare at it in order to not forget and to punish myself. Memories are my punishment. It is because of this weakness, that weakness of the heart that I accept and bear everything. It is because of him.

Elise, do you hate me?

I start with surprise when some protective arms embrace me suddenly. I lean backwards, welcoming the hug, seeking the warmth which, previously, has deserted me, taking refuge in this familiar cocoon.

I whisper weakly: « I thought you didn’t want to come. »

« I’ve changed my mind. »

I turn around. And my eyes meet such a gentle, such a sad expression. I smile shyly. I say: « It’s hard. ».

A nod. That is enough for me. I clasp the person to my breast. What is left for me?

« Thomas…I’m going to divorce him, and…we’ll go back to square one. »

I close my eyes. To start from scratch again.

Mom strokes briefly my hair.

« I hope so. », I reply.

And the trees go on singing…

The end (Part I).