The Eve of a Birthday

Setting my cup down onto my desk, I looked at my clock, “Ah. It’s eleven o’clock.” On my desk lay sets of past-year examination papers, a notebook, a textbook and a cup of water.

I turned towards my left to face the screen of my laptop. The look on the screen was a familiar one. There were no messages. I fired up Word and began to write down the notes for my exam revision. I started with chapter six of the textbook, and then I continued onto chapter seven.

Suddenly a window lit up on the screen. While I moved my mouse pointer towards it, I saw that it was an instant message from a friend.

“Hey there! Happy birthday to you!”

Oh, OK, well at least someone remembered my birthday. Thanking her, I continued on with my notes-writing.

My media player was playing the song “The Perfect Ending”. I always have songs playing while I’m doing my revision. At least there’s something to listen to when I got bored.

I turned to face the mirror. My hair was longer than it used to be, well, at least a few months ago. I looked terrible. Eye-bags surrounded my eyes; my moustache was not cleanly shaven, leaving stubs of hair sticking out. My lips were dry and they lacked moisture – as always – so I took the cup to take a sip of water. It was already empty and dry. I had drunk the water subconsciously while doing my notes.

The song ended, which gave start to the next song. I needed not to even listen to the introduction to find out what song it was. The song was in F major. The first chord played was a second inversion of the main chord. I could hear the notes, C, F and A played out harmoniously. Just those first notes could allow me to identify that song. The song’s title was “Tong Hua (‘Fairy Tales’ for those who can’t speak Chinese)”.

I knew this song so well because it was what I had always wanted to play for her. She liked this song a lot. If the time I spent with her was a show, that song would have been the theme song of that show.

Hearing that song used to bring me tears, but maybe these tears of mine had already been depleted. My heart may already have been hardened, like that of hers. There’s a mini-drawer on my desk. Pulling the lower tray out, I noticed the silver ring upon which we pledged our love. I took it out, and read the engraving for the hundredth time, and reminisced.

“Hey, how are we gonna celebrate your birthday this year, hmm?”

“Ha, well, I don’t know.”

“You gonna celebrate it with your friends?”

“Well, that depends…”

“Haha, depends on what?”

“If you want to celebrate it with me, then you’ll be all that I’m gonna invite.”

“Yeah, right… Hehe… Where will we go?”

“Anywhere is fine, as long as you’re with me…”

As I withdrew from my recollections, I came to the realization that it’s the eve of my birthday, and I was here all alone. How I wished that she’s here right now. Maybe I should be more practical, and wish for a phone call from her instead.

And yet again, there’s a saying which goes, “You’ll never get what you wish for.” I looked at the clock and it’s already a quarter past twelve.

The message tone was played. I grabbed my mobile in one fell swoop. My thumb hit the read button right on. It wasn’t her. I thought to myself, she must be asleep by now. I caught me lying to myself again. It was not because she was asleep, busy or even caught up with other stuff. The fact was that I was no longer part of her life. I no longer held even an ounce of importance to her.

I am worthless to her. She no longer needed me. It’s not a nice feeling to know that someone doesn’t need you anymore. In fact, it was heart-piercing.

I did something which I don’t do every night; I switched off my mobile phone.

And then I went to sleep.