FictionPress.com - let the words flow| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
Note: Since this is a parody, please do not take offense in anything here. I am not racist. The characters were created by the people they are actually parodies of. I did/will make some slight mods to make them fit into the story. And of course, this parody started from boredom. Sadly enough, there are people more into this than me, and I’m the one writing it… I don’t like some of the stuff I wrote because it sounds stereotypical, but alas… evil parodies. Some of you people in the parody may or may not sound like yourselves… we’ll see. Besides, none of us have ever been in this situation. Hopefully, we will never be. There are random inside jokes here too. Here, this one goes. It all began… Remember this is a parody so some things are exaggerated. First chapter is always the most annoying due to introduction of characters.
Format note: Indenting doesn't work on here. Italics in the story mean thoughts unless specified.
CZET: Cornfield Zombie Extermination Team
Cornfield University is a university situated on a hill. It is a rather vast campus containing several bridges, a lake, and several rivers and creeks. There are many open fields on campus as well as many trees. The clock tower in Central Campus has a set of bells in them that chime to indicate time. At times, chimesmasters will perform in concerts for 15 minutes, and the bells will echo throughout the university and surrounding area, waking you up in your sleep rather loudly.
It is a vast campus with "North" campus(where the freshmen live), "East" Campus(where the upperclassmen live), "Central" campus (where classes are), and collegetown (which officially is not a part of the university, but students live there as part of off campus housing. It’s the closest to the surrounding town).
Let’s dumb it down… Cornfield University is a university situated on a hill. It is a vast campus with "North" campus—freshies(They don’t know how lucky they are), "East" Campus--non-freshies, "Central" campus--classes......., and collegetown --non-freshies and drunks.
Welcome to Cornfield University, also know as the Big Corn/Yellow, with the mascot of a yummy dancing corn!
"A cornfield of one acre gives off 4,000 gallons of water per day in evaporation."
-Drinking Water Quality Report 2005
– Random note by Jade Valentine, Google Smoogle, and Liza Idontcare
Situated on a hill surrounded by a small town on one side, Cornfield University was supposed to be quite prestigious in academia. Every year, flocks of students would apply as high school seniors or transfer to be either accepted happily or rejected drastically by the university. As all universities which wanted to be famous and at the head of the pack, Cornfield had its own conducted experiments by professors and such. There were research laboratories all over the place with a linear accelerator, a vet school, and other places.
Cornfield consisted of five colleges; engineering, arts and sciences, agricultural and life sciences, human industrial relations, and architecture. Graduate wise, there was a med school, a vet school, a business school, and a law school. The campus was rather big, leaving space for much to happen. Being a big prestigious school, anything negative that happened was suppressed and glazed over, leaving the mindless masses of the university unaware and clueless of random happenings.
Recently due to natural disasters, massive earthquakes and floods, on the south coast of the country, the university, in order to follow other universities and to maintain a good image, had decided to take in as many students from universities down south as it could. The freshmen class for the year had already been an overbooked class, causing the university to squeeze students into the smaller east campus dorms. The situation was becoming drastic. Even in the classes that were overbooked, the new students were able to get in ahead of the waitlisted Cornfield students. Not knowing that the new students had been even coming, some of the Cornfield students were upset. It was all politics, they postulated. Cornfield wanted to look better in image and did not care about its current students. If it did care about students, it only cared about those that were famous or the freshmen, who they wanted to ensure would stay for another year as sophomores and so on.
Less than a fourth of the semester had passed, and the fall was breaking in…
Chapter One: Sophomore Tandem
On this morning….
“How do you tell which acid is stronger? With practice, you will know.” Black haired brown eyes Canadian Liza Idontcare scoffed as she listened to her professor. Professor Gagme was not the most interesting of professors, and besides, the way he phrased the answer to his question implied that “with mistakes and exam failures, you will know.” Liza sighed as Gagme rambled on. She was a math major, but she was taking organic chemistry because later in her life, she wanted to be a doctor. Organic chemistry was part of the premed tract, requirements for applying to med school…unfortunately.
Next to Liza was Australian red haired green eyes Google Schmoogle. Similar to Liza, Google looked like she was also bored out of her mind. Google was a soil sciences major. Unlike Liza, Google needed the course as part of her major.
“So you think it’s easy? Don’t worry! It’ll get harder.”
There was a chorus of groans. Having the class at eight in the morning didn’t help either.
“Uhh… shut up!” Zhen Yangju shouted. The alarm clock of his roommate, Ethan Brunther, was loudly ringing and playing Japanese music. The music was getting louder by the second, but his dirty blonde haired, grayish blue eyed roommate made no movement out all. Reaching out to grab a random empty water bottle, Zhen picked it up and chucked it violently across the room at his sleeping roommate.
“Ugh, what the! What was that…” Ethan groggily opened his eyes as the bottle made contact with his face. “What the…” Sleepily, he tossed the water bottle back at Zhen and went right back to sleep.
Zhen groaned and dropped his pillow over his head, flattening his black hair, to block out the irritating noise. “I don’t have to wake up until 11….damn it.”
“The sky is blue!” blonde haired blue eyed Jade Valentine exclaimed.
“Uh… yeah….maybe you should pay attention to psychology now,” black haired brown eyes Serena Evans rolled her eyes.
“But I’m going to fail the course because it’s multiple choice!”
“I hate when you say that…” Serena mumbled.
“Well, if I didn’t need the liberal arts credit, I would so drop this class. It’s so boring… got suckered into it because I heard it was interesting and one of the professors teaching it is famous…”
“You’re not interested in the experiments?”
“This course is common sense even though I don’t have any!”
“Oh my gosh, Jade! Then you should do well on the tests.”
“I tend to stink at multiple choice no matter how well I know the material. They sky is blue!”
“Stop it… you can’t see the sky anyway!”
“Ah, and take for example those two girls sitting in the fifth row. Obviously, they feel that psychology is not important, but we all differ in that opinion. Psychology is a science where experiments are performed to discover new things and explain occurrences. Science is psychology… Psychology is all science. Everything fits under psychology. It is life. It surrounds you. Alone, psychology is the only application that you will use in your daily life! You should be happy. With this class, you will learn to think by yourself…”
“Retard,” Jade muttered under her breath.
“Look what you did,” Serena hissed.
“Not my fault psych’s boring.”
“You’re better off doodling rather than talking out loud and him noticing,” Serena shook her head. “Besides, it’s interesting.”
“Right…” Psych isn’t interesting. Even though I have no common sense, it’s common sense. How rare is that?!!
Thanks to Jade, the two girls were picked on for the rest of the lecture. Serena was more than unhappy about the occasion.
Isiah Doyle Brown, Woozi’s red haired, blue eyed African American roommate laughed. “Well, that’s not a surprise. Ethan sleeps through his father’s snores, which are much louder than that radio.” The two roommates snickered. Next door to them was the room of Zhen and Ethan, which they could hear snores coming from. The alarm had long stopped, and the two occupants of the room were once again both sleeping soundly.
“Well, I’ve got some girls to impress today.” Woozi smiled smugly as he put on a black suit and trendy black sunglasses.
Isiah snickered. “Right.” He never understood why Woozi would go to such extents to dress so strangely. To him, Woozi was just dreaming that he was in the Triad. It was something that the rest of the house had assumed.
Somewhere next door, they suddenly heard a string of curses.
“!# #$ #$ I’M LATE!!!!!”
“Yo, shizzle. Why you being so loud? Oh.. I think I missed my first two classes…Oops.”
White haired green eyed Deran Crutiux raised an eyebrow as he spotted the American girl collapse. If there was anything that one would do to fall asleep in class, that option that the girl had made of crashing was not a good one. Deran was an albino, and because of that fact, he was more of a social outcast. British in heritage, Deran had spent several years living in Japan, so he qualified as an international student either way. Deran almost felt inclined to wake the girl, but he was afraid that it would result in an outburst such as “ACK! YOU’RE OLD! WHITE HAIR?!! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!!”
He took the chance.
Alexia’s eyes shot open as Deran poked her from behind. “Uh.. what?” She woke with a jolt, turned around, and stared at him. At that moment, the professor turned around. Seeing Deran’s eyes shift to the man behind her, Alexia quickly turned around and started taking notes.
“The silverware is so dirty,” Alexia complained.
“It’s college,” Serena replied.
“I’m hydrophobic,” Jade mumbled.
“How do you shower then?” Deran asked curiously.
“Blarg…” Jade grumbled something indistinguishable, not noticing the newcomer.
Deran blinked, and Liza giggled.
“Oh, Jade,” Google sighed. “My roomie’s weird.”
“Oh, Google,” Jade replied. “My roomie’s weird too…” Jade looked at Deran. “Who are you? Weren’t you in one of my classes before? You were the guy that the prof said was nicer on crutches!”
Deran blinked. “Uh.”
“What?” The other girls stared at Jade. Liza and Serena rolled their eyes.
“Jade’s random,” Google said.
At this moment, the boys from the house joined them; Woozi, Ethan, Isiah, and Zhen. Jade and Alexia moved away from that side of the table.
“Uh, why are you dressed up?” Google asked Woozi. She and the boys had come from the same high school, and she knew them from there.
“Weirdo,” Alexia muttered underneath her breath. Jade agreed.
“Oh, he’s just expressing himself,” Liza suggested.
“Uh… right,” Serena sighed unconvincingly.
“Hey, there’s a DDR competition during the weekend. Ethan should join since he’s so good at it, right Ethan?” Zhen patted his roommate on the back.
“Yeah… no… those other people are pros. They’re mad crazy,” Ethan shook his head seriously.
“Well, if he gets more than twelve hours of sleep a day, he should be fine,” Woozi said.
“What the freak! This morning, Ethan, your alarm!” Zhen yelled.
And then the lights went out, and the fire alarm blared.
