Death is a fantasy

By Vigdis Dammyr

Cold. So very cold. The sun is on its way up; pink, purple and red colours lightening the few clouds on the sky. I’m shivering. I can’t feel the warm newborn rays against my skin. It is a feeling I miss. It is impossible not to see how incredible beautiful the sunrise is, but inside me it is still dark as the night. It is because I know what is. Far away I can see something fly on the sky. It is not a bird, but something a thousand times bigger. I can hear the morning wind whisper in the trees where I stand at the edge of the forest. It is like I have never used my senses before. Never have the sounds been so clear, never the grass so green and the colours so beautiful. But still I can’t feel any of it. I can’t feel the morning dew under my feet, not the wind that normally would have caressed my skin, and wherever I go I leave no footprints.

The creature on the sky is swiftly coming closer, but is still unclear where it hides in the light from the sun. It does not really surprise me that I can look at the sun without getting hurt; after all I know what is. I keep shivering in the unnatural cold while I wait. Inside me it’s still night, and I’m starting to get impatient; a feeling that is unusual to me. But then again everything is so different now. I sigh and look around me. A white hare has come out of the forest to eat grass just a few meters from me, and I can hear more animals wake to life in the world. The hare doesn’t seem to take any notice of me, but lifts its head occasionally to search for any danger that might come. A crow shrieks and suddenly takes off from one of the trees, and the hare bolts into the forest and does not come out again until it is sure everything is safe.

I look again towards the sun which has now come over the mountains and started on its daily journey over the sky. The creature is closer now, the huge form easy to recognize. Blue-green scales cover the body and head, and the outstretched wings are huge and leather-like. The head is big and can seem terrifying, just like most people might imagine a dragon would look like. But I know, though I do not see it yet, that its eyes are mild and warm, without any trace of evil within. A last cold shiver goes through me before the cold slowly lifts from my body while the dragon comes closer. Soon it is above me, though there is no shadow to indicate its existence. But this I know. And it is no longer night. Slowly, and gracefully despite its size, the dragon lands close beside me and folds its wings. The hare keeps eating grass like the dragon does not exist, but for the hare this is indeed the truth.

The blue-green creature lowers its long neck and looks at me, the eyes clear like the sky mirroring in the sea. And with a deep, calm voice that couldn’t possible come from its mouth it speaks to me.

“Are you ready to leave this world?” I nod, though I know that I would have no choice even if this had not been true. But I had never felt so ready before. Because death has never been the end, but a new chance to go to that place you always wanted. A smile spreads across my face, and I stretch out my arm and feel the surprisingly soft skin of the dragon under my fingers. I don’t need any help in getting to its back, even though it is several meters over the ground. The dragon looks at me while I place myself behind its wings, and – assured that I sit steadily – spreads its wings, ready to take off towards the sky. I smile again and finally feel the sun and wind on my face, while I whisper to myself; “I am ready to go to my fantasy.”