Talk Like a Pirate

Avast me hearties!
Will ye look it thar
Thar be a purty lady a-comin’ this way
Straighten up, act proper smart!
Maybe ye will get a reward

Yo ho! Thee hull be a-burstin’ today
Watch out for tem collective reefs
Don’ step on thee shark tail
Lest ye want to painfully wail

Break out thee flute!
Play thee accordion
Listen to thee beat an’ pulse
Straighten ye up an’ sit proper!
This band ain’t for slobs
We must be dapper!

What be this thing called ‘ere?
Fisics? What be the use of fisics?
Arr! I don’ need to know me ships velocity
Needless, needless!
So what if thee ocean be draggin’ me ship?
Dat ain’t somethin’ I can fix!

Precalculus, Analysis
Algebra an’ Geometry?
What are ye doin’ stuffin’ me
Wit this useless knowledge for thee career I ‘ave chosen?
I can count by hand thee treasure me plundered,
I don’ need statistics to average me net
When I know that I be rich
An dat is dat.

Haharr! Laugh wit me, mates!
I cannot explain thee hilarity me find
In this matter called history.
All me knowledge need consist of
Whether me enemies be just as history.

Yar! Why am I ‘ere?
What be this thing ye call learnin’?
It don’t pertain to me
I don’t need velocity to calculate me ships speed,
Analysis an’ Statistics, so pointless for the accumulation of me treasure
‘ave ye ever seen a swashbuckler hesitate to contemplate
‘ow fast ‘ee needs to trow thee apple in battle
I’m not a lawyer, a scientist not me!
I be a pirate and thee pirates life is for me!