A Thousand Breaths

2005

Life has cursed me

With a thousand breaths of longing

I dread the day someone comes into my life

Pretending to care, and pretending to feel

They clutch at the hem of my shirt

Pleading with me to help them fight their demons

My emotions become a doormat for other humans needs

I hide away in the dark corners of my room

Fighting the loneliness surrounding me

I can’t seem to find the stretch of white light

Beckoning to me

I wander around aimlessly

Darkness slowly enclosing me in my thoughts

There are times when the tears escape

I do not recognize the feeling of joy

Laughter becomes fake

Smiles become forced

No one knows who I am

I don’t know who I am

I pray for the day when someone will care

I dream of the day when someone will be there

Family isn’t enough

I need an outside source to tell me the truth

I feel sick

Nothing here, nothing there

Obsessed with a weakness only few can take

I can take it

I will beat it

I will show them that I am worthy

Why do they deserve love and happiness

I am not happy

I have the perfect life

I hate it

There is nothing here for me

I have myself

I have my thoughts

I have my dreams

The only things keeping me breathing

Life has cursed me

With a thousand breaths of loneliness

My own hand shall stop them

Only then will I be happy.