My Angel in Disguise

September 25, 2005

I am drowning in this passion

Overrun with abnormal thoughts

I am crazed

I am high

Your smile shakes my nerves

I can feel its warmth within my bones

The folded memories you wrote with a faulty black pen

I read each word a thousand times

The spaces between the lines spell out words I don’t understand

I can’t figure this out

You claim that I am beautful

But this mirror tells me otherwise

You claim that I am perfect

But you’re an angel in disguise

These lyrics wrap around my heart

And the tears fall slowly

Dragging cheap mascara down my cheeks

I twist the plastic gold ring you gave me

Around the finger on the hand you used to hold

I remember the quarter you found that day

“Heads up, good luck!”

The grimey gumball machine ate the quarter in return for this token of your love

This love I never could quite grasp

I reveled in your touch

And lived for your lips against mine

Each day together was a gift, dream

You thought that we were in love

I never told you how I felt

You could read me like the sheet music on your piano

I could barely catch the emotions in your eyes

You were too wonderful for me

I didn’t deserve you or your words

Would you believe me if I told you I was scared?

Darling I am so afraid

I have never been in love

Is this what I am feeling?

I can’t bear to take a risk for fear of falling

The harder you fall, the more it hurts

And my band-aid supply is running low

My fears held me back

I could not give you all of me

The months passed and the days seemed longer

No longer were your words so emotional

Sighs replaced smiles

I was killing your joy

The words left my lips before I had time to think

“I think that we should break up.”

You didn’t even question this

It was over

Over

Done

Finished

I was alone

You were set free from my lack of emotions and faith

I wear your shirt to bed every night

The warm scent of your skin fills my lungs, I am relaxed

You were my first love

Although I realized it too late

I cling to every lasting memory of you

Still afraid, still lacking strength

These emotions are taking over me

What once was numb has suddenly been released

Thank you for the memories

Your love was my savior

It has set me free

Darling I miss you

Your breath on my neck, your hands on my waist

Four years have passed since I ended your pain

You have forgotten but I can’t seem to ignore it

Emersed in your words, so lovely, so real

This passion becomes me

I can understand every inch of your soul

Too little, too late

You were too wonderful for me

But I still have those words

Those memories of our past

Glued to the edges of my heart

A portrait of my transformation

From loved to lost.