Love is the most powerful delusion any human can experience. I mean, it made two horny teenagers kill themselves, so it has to have some control over our peace of mind, over the tiny voice that tells us not to do stupid things, right? Love starts off as something pleasant caressing your proverbial heart, but before you know it, it's gnawing at the valves and slicing open the veins. It digs its claws in to you and refuses to let go until you're left a broken, cracked shell, void of real emotions, incapable to think about anything but the person whom you thought you were in love with. Love is a flesh eating disease wrapped in a pretty package.

The day I decided to become a narcissist was the day Desire broke my heart without even knowing it. That night when I was sobbing incoherent things into the shoulder of an unfortunate friends, I decided I'd rather keep that psuedo-emotion to myself. I finally realized how to paste back together my heart, which had been shattered by Desire a million times, and it didn't involve a pointy knife and some super glue. That was plan B, should all else fail.

Instead, I was going to shower that lust, that admiration I had for Desire on myself. I was going to create a twelve step program to give into self-love.

"There's no way in hell you're going to be able to pull this off..." Dahlia said, as we sat at our lunch table at school, my eyes wandering to Desire every once in a while. I think "it" might have glanced me over once. But I couldn't really tell.

"What makes you say that, oh ye of little faith?" I asked, going back at stabbing the hot dog-hot pocket hybrid sitting in front of me with a plastic spork. I swear I heard it squeal.

"First off, you can't self-inflict a mental illness..." She muttered, watching as the ketchup spewed like blood from the flaky outer skin of my victim. I laughed maniacally under my breath.

"If I can self-inflict hickeys, I can self-inflict any thing!" I continues stabbing the bloodied pieces of dog-pocket, as I had decidedly christened it.

"Well, besides that, you're way too empathetic. I mean, you cry when you see dead animals laying on the road..."

"My dear Bunny," She grimaced at the sound of her nickname, and I smiled. Dahlia always did hate it when people called her that. "Messing up my eye make-up over some dead fluffy thing does not make me want to be any less of a narcissist. Besides, empathy's over-rated." My dog-pocket crawled in a bloody mess of ketchup, meat, crust, and mustard on to the floor wailing and cursing my name. I waved. Dahlia crooked a pierced eyebrow, but didn't say anything. Maybe she was used to it.

"Okay, now that you've convinced me," She rolled deep green eyes, but I ignored her. "What about all the self-love, in general?"

"Well...I figure, I'm enough of an attention and camera whore for it..."

"That's not what I asked, I said 'self-love', as in being in love with yourself. I mean, you don't exactly hate yourself, but you don't love yourself either."

"Well...I'll just do what all the good narcissists do!" I said, with more enthusiasm then I needed.

"And what's that?" She flashed her shiny white fangs at me with a smile.

"Make up some perfect image of myself and think that's really me! Yay!" I giggled a little. "I'm pretty enough so-" She rolled her eyes again, but she knew it was true. Fuck, I knew it was true. "I figure I'll go with the obsessed with bodily beauty and what not..."

"Really? I always thought you'd go with the attention starved dictator narcissist...or the obsessed with perfect love one..."

"What makes you say that?" I quirked my eyebrows.

"Oh, I don't know...how about your hate for the general population?" She scanned the lunch room. No one was safe from her hawk-like gaze. "Or how about your secret love affair with-"

"Thou shalt not speak its name!" My hand quickly covered her mouth, smearing burgundy lipstick all over my pale palm. Her tongue flicked out of her mouth, like a snake from its hole and my hand retreated, wiping the lipstick and saliva on the table next to the remains of my dog-pocket.

"He's an 'it' now, is he?" She smirked.

"Yes, and I'd appreciate if you referred to 'it' as such." I pouted a little to empathize it. "It broke my heart."

"Aw, poor Dori!" She squealed, dramatically, arms flying around my neck in a stranglehold. I didn't know if she was doing it on purpose or not, but the spiky bracelets digging into the back of my neck hurt like hell. I could have screamed.

"Poor Dori is getting choked..." I coughed, trying to adjust my head but finding resistance futile.

"I'm sorry, " She smiled, releasing me. Finally. I exaggerated gasps for air and collapsed back into my seat. "So how'd 'it' break your heart?"

"I'd rather not talk about it..."

"That bad?"

"That bad."

"So is this what the whole 'I wanna be a narcissist' thing is about?"

"...Yes..." I said the word slowly, letting it roll off my tongue. I could taste the letters.

"Dori, I know you think you're in love with h-er...'it' but don't you think this is a bit...drastic?"

"No, not really...And I don't think, I know."

"I could have told you that..." She muttered.

"Fuck off," I growled.

"Sorry," She muttered again, leaning back in her chair. "So are you serious about this?"

"About what?" I blinked. "Oh, the narcissism? Yep, dead serious. To quote Chris Issak 'I don't wanna fall in love'...well...'cept with myself..."

"I think it's the stupidest idea you've ever had...but...if it makes you happy, good luck."

"Oh believe me, it will. And thanks..."

The bell rang and all the sheep crowded into the classrooms. I scurried away to AP Biology to write down my formulated twelve steps for becoming a narcissist.

Author's Notes: Ok, so...I rather like this story...the characters have really grown on me and what not (with the whole 3 chapters I've been writing...-.-) and um...I dunno...I guess I thought I ahd something to say here...but I really don't...um...Wow...I completly forgot what the one thing worth while I was going to put here...stupid brain...

Well, regardless, if you read and review I'll fall madly in love with you and give you a frappucino!