Chapter five:
The Dawning of Something Else

Winter gave way to spring. Everything was fresh and alive again. My attitude began to change over time. I was generally happier and smiled occasionally. David and I would hang out by the tree after school every day, just basking in the glory of spring. I got my nose pierced and my lip pierced twice. David probably just thought I was crazy, even though he said he liked how I let my hair fade back to natural red again.

One day after school I was reading a magazine when David jumped from out of nowhere and surprised me. He laughed at my startled face and sat down beside me. "What are you reading? Anything interesting?"

“Just some junk-culture magazine. So, what’s up?” I said, putting the magazine into my bag.

“Nothing much…” He said, leaning against the tree. He seemed to be a little nervous or anxious, I couldn’t tell what exactly. Apparently, he knew what I was thinking and decided to give me a halfway-decent answer. “I hate Calculus. There’s a ninety-nine-to-one chance that I’m going to flunk the final. That’s a fact.”

“You got to have more confidence!” I said, somehow a little bit confused that he was getting so worked up about a math course, it wasn't like him at all. “Look, we could go over to your place sometime and study for it. Or at least you can study while I eat your food and make sure you don’t watch TV or something.” He thought about it for a moment.

“Studying is not really my thing, you know? But I guess I could give it a try anyway.”

“Cool, oh, and guess what happened? My mom started dating again. And I really hate the guy she’s dating. Did I say hate? I meant loathe this guy. I despise him.” I told David earnestly. I don't think I've ever been so open with anyone in my life. Then again...I've never even had a person like David in my life before. Is this what friends do? Listen to the other's problems?

“He must be a creep if he got on your bad side that quickly.” David said softly. Something was definitely wrong. I just continued my rant like nothing was suspicious about the way he was acting.

“You wouldn’t believe this guy. I don’t know how my mother could even stand him. He’s loud and obnoxious and hates the way I dress. It’s not like I care what he thinks about me anyway, it’s just that it pisses me off, that’s all. I have this sinking feeling he’s gonna move in, too.” I sighed and looked up at the clear sky, frowning. David looked at me.

“Maybe you just think that you detest this guy because he’s not your dad.” I look at him, nearly horrified.

“Thank you, Freud; I’ll take that into consideration!" I said, laughing a bit. "Don’t you think I thought about that already? But I’m not telling you the dream I had last night, I’m telling you that I generally dislike this guy. Like, for instance, he’s so nice around Mom and my sisters, but for some reason he seems to hate me. He seems to hate me like I’m the scum of the earth or something; like I’m a bug on the floor just waiting for his fate!”

“Jeez! I’m sorry! I won’t bring it up again if you’re gonna spaz out on me like that!” David said with a smile, even though I could tell by the irritation in his voice that he wasn’t happy. I looked at his face for a moment. He looked away from me and bit his lip. I wasn’t sure if he was upset with me, and if he was, I didn’t know why. Maybe my talking about my family problems got him all riled up. He turned sharply and narrowed his eyes at me.

“Stop looking at me, alright?!” he yelled. I was caught off guard and turned away from him. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him pick up his backpack and walk away. I was so confused; I didn’t know what to do. For a moment I thought I would run after him. The thought passed and I was left there alone in the twilight.

The next day I didn’t go back to the tree. He wasn’t there anyway. I would see him walk past me in the hallway but not say anything, not even a hello. I was starting to worry that he didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. I felt like I had worn out my welcome in his life. Maybe I just wasn’t made to have friends.

The man that I detested came over to the house more and more frequently. My mother began to hint at him living there. I didn’t understand why everything was going wrong now. Neither could I comprehend why David wouldn’t talk to me. Many nights I stayed awake, thinking and wondering and hoping and wishing. Nothing ever became of my late-night thoughts.

I became miserable again; my grades slipped. I began to skip classes again. Fate was handing me crap and I was taking all I could get. I was undeniably alone.

It had been exactly a month since I had last spoken to David. I had become obsessed with trying to get him to notice me. He didn’t seem to acknowledge my existence anymore. I would try bumping into him in the hallways at school a few times, trying to start a conversation, to which I failed miserably. He would run away from me. I was getting past being confused and now starting to get mad. He was staying after for swim practice one day, and I caught him on his way to his car.

I was leaning on the side of the trunk and starring daggers at him as he walked up to me. “Liam! Hello, I…didn’t expect to see you here…” I smiled and then charged at him, knocking him onto the ground.

“Tell me why the fuck you are doing this to me!” I yelled. “Why do you ignore me all the time and pretend like I don’t exist?! The fact that you don’t even have the fucking guts to tell me must say something about you! Listen to me, I don’t care if you just recently found popularity or you just straight out hate me for whatever reason, you just don’t not tell a person when you are never going to speak to them again! Do you fucking understand that?!” I felt that I was going to cry so I picked myself up and started to run away as fast as I could, not waiting for an answer.

I ran until I finally broke down in back of the school. I slid against the concrete wall, my fishnet sleeves ripped even more. I tore them off in frustration and sat with my head in my hands. I didn’t think that he would follow me here. Why would he even care about me anymore? He hadn’t done much of that for weeks. Obviously I was wrong. From my position I could see his shoes and kicked them away in frustration. “I’m sorry…” he said softly.

“Fuck you, no you’re not!” I cried. “You’re the only fucking friend I've ever had and now you just had to take that away from me too!” He knelt down in front of me but didn’t say anything. I could feel the air getting colder as I sat there. “Why does everything have to be a so difficult…” I said dispassionately.

“Liam, let me explain. I owe you that much.” I looked up at him. The wind against my face stung because of the trail of tears running down my cheeks. I told him I was listening. “I just…I dunno, I thought this way would be easier than actually telling you myself why I stayed away. I thought you hating me for no reason was better than you hating me for another.” I didn’t understand what he was saying. I think he even knew it didn’t really make much sense.

“David, I would forgive you no matter what you did, you know that!” He bit his lip; he looked a little bit nerve-raked.

“No, Liam…you, you just…you don’t understand. You wouldn’t have been able to stay friends with me even if I told you what is going on.” His eyes were pleading with me to understand. I just couldn’t do that.

“It’s no excuse! You should have told me then! Tell me you don’t hate me, David; tell me that whatever I’ve been thinking these past weeks isn’t right. Tell me you don’t hate me. I need to hear that …” He looked me in the eyes.

“I don’t hate you,” he said honestly. I sighed a breath of relief. He looked off to the side and said lowly, “That’s the opposite of the problem…” I was infuriated and stood up abruptly.

“Well, will you please tell me then what the problem is, because I can’t keep up these guessing games-” and then it dawned on me. “W-what did you say?” I whispered, breathless. He got up slowly and looked down at his feet. I guess he didn’t notice I was shorter and could still see his face.

“Liam…I should have been honest with you from the start. Ever since the first day we met last year, which really wasn’t the first day at all, if you’ve noticed…” he said softly. “There was another time I helped you out.” He laughed and looked up at me. “I was in 7th grade and you were in 6th…” I knew instantaneously what he was talking about.

“You! You were that kid!” I exclaimed. I smiled for a second, and then I remembered the awkwardness of the moment.

“You have to forgive me, Liam. I thought that if you were angry at me, it would give me an excuse to stay away from you and, hopefully, not to think about you. I was so selfish in not telling you, but I was scared of what you might think of me.”

“But you never care what anyone thinks about you!” I said, the anger was leaving but I still was feeling very much confused. He paused for a moment.

“I care about what you think about me.” That made me put things into perspective. I heard the crack above my head and realized it was going to rain soon. I struggled to find something to say. I tried to categorize the events that had lead up to this and failed in the attempt. My heart felt heavy and constricted; my tongue was dry. I couldn’t think of one word to say to him when he was so clearly waiting on something from me.

“I can’t talk to you right now, you know that.” He nodded his head. “I just need time to think about what I think of all of this…” the words came out strangely enough, but David understood what I meant. Another crack was heard in the sky and then the hard water came slamming down on us.

“We don’t have to talk or anything, but…do you want a ride home?” I smiled and said it would be nice of him. We didn’t talk much in the car. It was very awkward. I was worried that what David said was right. Things might never be the same between us again. We might never be friends again. There was no guarantee we would ever talk again. The small confession left a big stain in our relationship.

We arrived at my house and paused for a moment. I looked over at him. “I…I don’t want to stop being friends.”

“Me neither,” David said. “Do you want to forget this ever happened and just…start over?” I smiled weakly at him.

“I can’t forget what happened. Things just won’t be the same anymore, that’s all.” He nodded. I opened the door. The rain came pouring in, but time moved slowly. I put my hand on his face and smiled at him again. He almost looked hurt by it. I pulled away and said goodbye, closing the door behind me.

When I got inside the house I let out a big sigh. My mother, Jesse and Mina, and the man who I despised were already eating dinner. “Sorry I’m late,” I said as I sat down in my usual seat. Everyone was in their normal seat, except for my father’s seat, which was taken up by the stranger. I ate mostly in silence, and then afterward locked myself up in my room to “study”.

I'm going to be faster getting out these chapters. As you know, there's over 21 of them already, I just have to revise all of them, cause I wrote them at least two to three years ago. So if my writing seems a little...well, "ick" that's why. Anyway, it's a good story so...yeah. I forgot what I was going to say.