(A/N: Yet another song fic from me. This one’s about a girl who has lost control of her life, and gains it back in the only way that she can. I’m not really sure about the ending yet...please give me some input on it or any other part of the story; I could really use the advice. Kudos to Audioslave for the awesome song.)

I am the Highway

Pearls and swine bereft of me

Long and weary my road has been

She walked a scattered path; one moment at a street corner with a spray painted stop sign, the next walking down an emptily busy highway. Cars speeding by with ignorance, too busy to notice her; not that she wanted their attention anyways. Their looks and thoughts played out in her mind, deepening her depression. She taunted herself with imaginings; what people must think upon seeing her, walking all alone down a highway. A tramp, a runaway, an addict; they would speculate through the windows of a sheltered life. Anything but what she really was.

She shifted her shoulders to better hold her bag, and wrapped herself in her sweater. The cold threatened to break apart the strength that had taken her so long to muster up. She reminded herself of where she was and what she was leaving, but it was hard find any future in the blistering winds and lines of cars. She closed he eyes for just a second and imagined herself free.

I was lost in the cities

Alone in the hills

Life with him had been painful. The only word she could find fit to describe it. She had felt hurt everyday of her life back there, her livelihood had been diminishing before her eyes and she knew it. Leaving was the only answer, and one she had considered long and hard before going through with it. Everywhere she went, she had felt out of place, with or without him by her side. She envied all the people she saw around her; they knew where they were and who they were. They were never lost. A faint hope in her had once existed, that she would find herself too. That she could run away, find new places and new people, and that somewhere in the midst of these new things, she would find what she had been looking for at long last.

The idea had long since been abolished from her mind. She had learned that leaving only caused more problems, and had decided mentally to never leave again. That vow lay lost at her feet now.

No sorrow or pity for leaving

I feel

She had to leave, she needed to leave. That stupid vow had dragged her life into a dank hole of reliance and fear, and holding her back from what she knew was right. The one thing that had finally turned her into the light of realization was her past. She finally saw that her life was him was even worse than her life without him.

It came to her one night when she was home alone. The time to herself was comforting, she almost felt safe without “him” there. But no sooner had she thought this than her little bubble was burst by the sound of an engine in the driveway. He was home.

What happened next was a blur of unwanted memories. He was mad about something, enraged even; his breath reeked of alcohol and cigarettes, clouding her senses as he pulled her towards him in rage. She could hardly understand what he was saying, but still she tried to calm him down. His hand burned on her wrist.

The next thing she knew, she was holding a hand to her face to stop the flow of blood from her nose. Stumbling quickly to the bathroom, the sight that met her in the mirror was a blow to her already shaken moral. Her hand was sticky with blood as she held back the gushing from her nose, and large red mark could be seen on her face from the point of impact. She held a wet washcloth to her face and held it there; staring at the bloody image in the mirror, which soon became blurred by her tears. She closed her eyes, letting the salty tears drip into the sink, mixing with drops of blood that had already stained the porcelain.

I am not your rolling wheels

I am the highway

She had left the next day, nose still tender from the night before. The thought of his reaction when he saw that she was gone made her cringe with fear. Looking around her, she half expected him to leap out in front of her and drag her back to the hell hole she had once lived in.

The cars around were growing more and more suspicious in her mind. He could be in any one of them, driving around in search of her. She pulled the hood of her sweater farther over her head, but still peered out the flap. It was strange, ridiculous even, but half of her wanted him to find her.

I am not your carpet ride

I am the sky...

She was torn half by reality and a dream; she hated him...she loved him...

He needed her, she knew that well, but did she need him as well? She hated herself for the thought; for the longing in her heart to go back. Was she really better off without him? Images of her past life played in her mind, distorting her common sense. The cold streets...the strip clubs...the lonesomeness tearing at her heart...

She didn’t want to go back there, she didn’t want to go back to him, and she didn’t want to leave him. So, with no where to go, and no right answer in mind, she continued down the path of devastation.

Friends and liars don’t wait for me

‘Cause I’ll get on all by myself

Back when she still had friends, they used to ask why she stayed with him and why she didn’t just leave him. But it was more complicated than that, she loved him. She loved him in a way that meant she could never leave him, even if he hit her, even if he degraded her, even if she hated him. They had a dependence that could not be broken.

Those friends were all gone now, leaving her like a disease they saw might infect them as well.

I put millions of miles

Under my heels

A familiar ring tone jingled from her sweater pocket, freezing her in her step. Her heart pounded as she reached for the slim flip phone in her pocket, a gift from him after one of their infamous fights. She stared at the phone for a while, the digital song playing on in the palm of her hand.

She envisioned what he might say to her. Would he plead with her to come back to him? Or would he threaten her until she was too afraid to run away? She played out scenarios in her mind until finally the jingling stopped. She flipped it open quickly, hoping to catch him at the last second before the call was lost, but her hello was met by a dial tone on the other end.

And still too close to you

I feel

She closed the phone slowly, still not moving from her spot on the side of the road. She looked around once more, as if hoping to find some guidance. A bridge could be seen not much farther ahead, she decided to head for it. But, just a she began to slip the phone back into her pocket, the electronic song began again. He was trying again; it gave her a slight, erroneous hope that he really did care.

She answered the phone quicker this time, but didn’t say anything to the man on the other end, waiting for his response to the silence.

I am not your rolling wheels

I am the highway

Her premonitions were correct, in both ways. He began with an apology, pleading her to come back. He loved her, he needed her, and he wanted her back. She stood her ground, she didn’t reply.

That’s when he began to get angry. Threatening her, swearing at her, calling her any horrible name he could think of. She didn’t hang up just yet, she was used to all this rage, but it was what he said next that really got to her.

“You stupid bitch, you won’t last a day on your own without me. Don’t you remember what it’s like out there? I saved you from it before; don’t think you’re gonna be that lucky again.”

She hung up.

I am not your carpet ride

I am the sky

He was right. Every word of what he had said was right. She couldn’t live without him.

I am not your blowing wind

I am the lightning

She was approaching the bridge now, feeling ever more secluded by the railing and line of cars the bordered her on either side.

He needed her, she needed him. It was all so simple, yet extremely difficult to understand. She was so lost, so alone in her love for him. Questions and answers plowed through her mind, each one more wrong than the next.

I am not your autumn moon

I am the night...

Her phone sang once more, vibrating slightly in the hand that still held it. She looked down at it, full of distain. Drifting towards the railing, the wind around her blowing strong against her slow moving figure, she held the phone in her hand over the icy water below and let it drop. Its happy jingle of a better time floated away into nothing in the water.

She watched it go with no release from him. She could feel him wherever she went, dragging her along to his demands like a dog on a chain. He was waiting for her right now, expecting her to come back to him like she had no choice.

Tears fell from her eyes and into the depths bellow, mixing with the wind like they had mixed with her blood in the sink not long ago.

I am not your rolling wheels

I am the highway

He needed to see that he relied on her, just as much as she relied on him.

I am not your carpet ride

I am the sky

She needed to go where he could never find her.

I am not you blowing wind

I am the lightning

She wouldn’t be his anymore.

I am not your autumn moon

I am the night

She left...mixing with the blood, tears, and wind that had gone before her.

The night....