"A speed freak, an acid tripper, and a pothead are travelling, when they reach a kingdom at midnight. At the front of the kingdom is a gate with a sign that says “No Entry Until Morning”. The speed freak says "Let’s bash the gate down with our fists!" The acid tripper says "Let’s become a floating cloud and float over the gate." The pothead says "Eh, let’s just wait until morning.""
Old hippie joke

I.
Blargh, where do I begin with this, Matt Jablonski thought. He had a lot to write about. It had been three years since the massive plague that changed the world without directly harming a single person. It was one in the morning and Matt’s research paper about the 420 Blight was due at noon that afternoon. Despite this, Matt had still not started writing it. It was a long story, and he wasn’t sure whether to start with an explanation of the blight, or write about how it started, or go over the effects the 420 Blight had on the world. His professor in Botanical Diseases 634 was waiting. Matt decided to think it over some more.

Matt heard his Mr. Coffee espresso machine sputter. Good, the espresso is finished, he thought. It was his second pot that night. Matt was a chronic procrastinator. This wasn’t the first time he had to write a huge paper in one night, and certainly not the last. Matt thought about the effects the 420 Blight had on his life. He used to be a local campaigner for the legalization of marijuana, but that debate was now a moot point.

Matt Jablonski was a second-year grad student working on a master’s in botany. Plants were his passion, and Matt loved plants like a mother loves her children. He had plants of every kind in his house. Outside, the smell of tobacco wafted in through an open window. Matt liked the smell of the tobacco farms. And the farms were common in central North Carolina. Matt loved it, even though he didn’t smoke. Well, not cigarettes, but that’s another story.

Matt walked to the Mr. Coffee, and drank the black brew straight from the carafe, without sugar or cream. Matt felt the buzzing go through his body. Yes, he thought. I need the energy if I’m to write this goddamn paper. Or what caffeine can give me. Matt was a caffeine junkie. He loved espresso, especially the powerful shit they have in places like New York City.

Matt drank his espresso, and looked at the massive stack of magazines and articles on his desk. All were concerning the Blight. Everything from the New England Journal of Medicine to Department of Homeland Security papers to issues of USA Today was on his desk. Lord knows enough has been said about this disaster. Research had been a breeze, or it would have been had Matt not waited until a week before the deadline to begin researching the blight. Matt thought about this as he chugged down the coffee.

But now the swamp water was gone, and Matt was back at his computer, looking at the monitor. Outside, the weather was warm, unseasonably so for mid-March in North Carolina, and Matt felt the warm air come in through an open window. He still had to write the article on the 420 Blight. Fuck it, Matt decided, here goes nothing: