Chapter One: Le Chanson de la Papillon

"You can't be serious..." I murmured, pacing between the couch and the loveseat of our spacious living room, denying what my mother had just told me.

"We are sweetheart." My mother replied, her pretty face twisted into a clown's representation of a smile; too many teeth and too much makeup.

"We feel that it's best for you." My father said from his position on the couch, beside my mom.

"How can sending me off to live with Grandma Yuri be best for me??" I screeched, halting in front of the fireplace.

"We think that you've been too sheltered, you need to spend some time with normal people who don't have everything that you do." My mom replied sweetly, perched on the arm of the couch.

"But they're poor! They'll rob me, rape me, throw me on the ground, kick me, rip my guts out, and throw my limp, broken body into a river!" I cried fearfully

"That's exactly why you need to spend time with those who are less well off than yourself. All of the negativity in the media, the things that they teach you at your school, and your inexperience lead to opinions like that one." My mother said matter-of-factly.

"And besides, public schools won't cost me a penny, and the less money I spend on your schooling now, the more I have for later." My father said gruffly "The discussion is over, you're leaving for Yuri's first thing in the morning and that's final."

I stood there, devastated by the news. My whole life was being turned upside down on the whim of my maniacal parents. I dashed through the foyer and up the stairs, racing down the west corridor and throwing myself onto my enormous bed when I reached my room.

What am I going to do?

I'm being shipped off to freaking Georgia for a year to live with my senile Russian grandmother, her fifty cats, and a state full of poor redneck trash.

They'll lynch me and steal my money.

Or kidnap me and hold me for ransom.

Or suck out my br....maybe I'm getting a little bit carried away, but not much!

I sighed softly and turned my lamp off, sliding between my covers and falling asleep immediately, dreading tomorrow already.

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"Grandma Yuri?" I called into the doorway. I was standing on the front porch of my grandmother's massive white plantation-style home fifteen minutes or so from Atlanta in a suburb called Lithia Springs. The front porch was really big, and totally covered with cats.

Lots of little kitties. Red ones, black ones, orange ones, small ones, long ones, nice ones, mean ones, sleeping ones, running ones. Lots and lots of not-so little kitties as well.

I looked down to see a pretty little red cat rubbing his whole body against one of my legs before slinking over to the other leg and repeating the process.

"Hello little one..." I muttered, crouching down to pet the small cat "What's your name?"

"Buffy" Said a heavily accented voice causing me to shriek and fall down on my backside.

"You talked?" I asked the cat, horrified

"Meow?" The kitten mewed

"No, you foolish child, I talked" I heard the voice call from behind me.

I turned around quickly to see my grandmother standing behind me, a kind smile on her face. Grangma Yuri is easily the tallest person in the family, standing several inches over six feet, her hair has turned a shocking white and reaches her waistline. Currently donning a red with white polka-dotted sundress and a large red handbag, she looks like your run-of-the-mill grandmother except you know...taller.

"Grandma Yuri?" I asked meekly

"No, it's middle-aged barbie." She replied in her heavy Russian accent

I got up quickly and brushed off my tight blue jeans and light green t-shirt. Standing, I still had to look up to meet Grandma Yuri's eyes. She was inspecting me closely, hazel eyes running over me sharply; I blushed slightly under the scrutiny and looked down at the ground.

"Well, get your bags, we'll bring them inside and you can pick out you room" She said in a gentler tone, her hand going under my chin and lifting it, evincing her soft smile and near glistening eyes. "Is nice to have my grandson home with me for a while."

I smiled back at the no longer intimidating woman, wondering if maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

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A/n: Short little intro to a story I've got totally planned out...which means I have no clue what's gonna happen. I know, I'm a horrible person, but I got this idea in my head and I haven't been able to get it out. Expect an update of YSomN soon, probably Sunday, maybe late tomorrow. The update lackage has been due to my hella busy-ness, what with marching band, winterguard, SATs, Graduation Tests, Governor's Honors, and various other crap. But, I want to leave you with a positive note, so here is something I found hilarious:

19 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds".

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".

8. don't use any punctuation or capitalizing

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10 Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera.

mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day at work.

14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling,
"run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

And That's all folks!