Chapter 5

I sat in a seat near the back and next to the window. I pressed my forehead against the window. I was ready for this week for quite some time. I pulled out my headphones and pressed play. Clay Akain came on and his sweet voice sang out the words to Invisible. I didn't notice Mike sit down next to me. Or at least at that moment, I did about five minutes later when he tapped me for role call.

Mr. Raspo called out, "When I call your name say 'here'!" He started on a long list of 60 Students and staff. We were taking about 8 buses up to Anderson Lodge. The destiny group were all on one bus, this bus. The first out of eight of us called was me. Then Tristan, then Joe then Sky, followed by Dani, Mike a bit later then Marty and last was Tatiana. The doors slammed shut and we were off for the winter battles.

Mike said, "Night Molly." He closed his eyes and drifted off. I played my Clay Akain and fell fast asleep. The next thing I knew Tatiana was prodding me awake.

She said, "Coffee break time Molly."

I nudged Mike and he groaned saying, "That was fast."

I said, "Only a break so get up. I'm stiff!"

He said, "Yes your majesty!" We walked into the plaza to few stores. Some of the seniors went into Mc Donald's for Breakfast. Tristan went with his football buddies, they eat all the time! Some of the kids went into a little newsstand store. It had stuff like coffees, papers, drinks, a little convince store. Most of the school flocked Starbucks! I was one of them I wanted a caramel latte! Dani, Tati and I stood in line talking. Apparently I missed a lot sleeping! Marty hitting Coach Faril with a spit wad in the back of the head. Mr. Raspo singing Michelle Branch! (Maybe I was glad I missed that one!) Miss Anderson showing off her engagement ring! J-Lo's got nothing on hers! I saw it before we left! We got to the front and the cutest guy was standing there. I read his name tag it said, "Hi I'm Ethan" I smiled as confidently as ever!

He asked, "You three together?"

I said quickly, "Yes."

Dani poked me and said, "Molly!"

I said, "Don't worry guys I owe you. Go ahead Dani." She ordered a tazo ice tea with passion tea. It's definitely one of my summer favorites. Tatiana a mocha latte and I a caramel latte. Tatiana ordered a coffee cuz her parents don't approve of coffee so away from them it's fair game! The destiny group grabbed a table by the window. I sat between Mike and Tristan. Joe had bought a paper and a small hot chocolate and was enjoying them both. Marty sat with a Pepsi.

Sky commented, "Trying to get hyper Marty?" He grinned and toasted to Sky. Dani had her Tazo ice tea and actually bought a bag of cream savers for the bus ride. Apparently she gets sick pretty easily. Sky had a large black coffee from the news stand. Mike sat down with a sausage egg Mc muffin. Tristan had a Mc Griddle and a coffee. We sat and talked about the Coach D. incident. Before we left Tati bought a bag of Reasons and gummy worms. She says they're so weird! Well if you've lived in America since you were born things like gummy worms don't bother you or affect you. I bought a Tazo tea with passion tea too for the ride or after I woke up for lunch. We went back on to the bus and sat down all comfy again. I reached above me for my Titan's challenge long sleeved tee. I wiggled into the huge gray sweat-tee.

Mike said challengingly, "Smack me again Molly?" I playfully smacked him. He took my tazo ice tea and took a sip. He gagged on it! He spit out, "Icky Molly! How do you drink this shit?" I laughed. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and he hugged me. He said, "So are we going skiing at all?"

My eyes widened and I spit our indignantly, "NO!"

He said, "Chill, I didn't know. Scared Molly?"

"No, I don't know how and don't feel like trying!"

He said, "Oh, well I was going to offer to teach you but seeing as how you don't want to try, I'm fine by that!" We rode for another two hours. During those two hours not much happened this time Tati fell asleep. Sky told me that they had work that morning. No wonder Tatiana was tired she gets up like three in the morning! We stopped for lunch and it began to snow. The rest stop was actually a mall! I was in heaven, they told us we were an hour ahead of schedule so we could stay for an hour and a half! I selected Subway for lunch. I had an Italian BMT on wheat bread with Italian dressing. The destiny group did not sit together. Sky and Tatiana were sitting with some of Sky's friends, Tati hated her freshman class except for Maria Gibson her eighth grade buddy. Marty and Dani were sitting with some of their classmates I didn't know. Joe was sitting with Li Wong, Steven Richardson and Michael Malley. Tristan sat with all his football buddies. Mike and I sat with Kris Harris and his girlfriend Kirsta Duff, one of my friends. So we had an enjoyable lunch. Mike offered to go shopping with me.

I said, "You don't have any idea what your getting into!" He said he didn't care. Mike and I went into Sweets from Heaven where we caught up with Danica and Lena Macintire Dani and Lena were grade school friends. I knew we'd find Dani here, Dani has the world's largest sweet tooth! Little did we know this was going to be one of the last times we ever saw Lena and Dani together. Next Mike and I went into Charlotte Russe. I bought an adorable tight turquoise shirt. It was over my shoulder and went down to my wrist. It was so cute. Mike's eyes bulged outta his head almost! We then went into Build a Bear where Mike allowed me to buy one. I told him he'd have to split the cost with me or I wouldn't do it. He agreed and we began to make a bear. I picked a rather cute white bear. Then we stuffed it and sew it together. His hand right on top of mine. Then we picked clothes for our teddy bear. I picked a little cheerleading outfit and Mike picked a little frilly pink dress. Then we had to name it. We wanted to combine our names somehow. It wasn't working.

So he said, "You pick the name."

I said, "No, you select the first name and we'll use Connor for the last name."

He said, "Fine, since there's no point in arguing." He picked Elisabeth. He said, "If you want to shorten it, there's Liz, Beth, Lizzy, you get the idea!" We paid and then realized we had to get back. Mike bought a large Pepsi before we left. We clambered back on the bus. It was Sky's turn to fall asleep. It looked rather funny for Tati to play with his hair, usually it's the other way around Sky's stroking and playing with Tati's hair. She just sat there with her walkman on and reading "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants." I knew it was for English Festival. But I thought it was a Sophomore and up book. I didn't worry too much, Tati loves to read. So she was probably reading it for fun. Mike and I talked very little. He fell asleep, he was probably up late packing his bags. I pulled his head of curls towards me. I saw Joe's face. If looks could kill, I'd be a dead girl right now.

Joe stood up and walked back saying sarcastically, "So cute Molly!"

I matched his sarcasm, "Yeah it's nice to be appreciated." Joe snickered and sat down behind me talking to Marty and Dani. Mike remained there for about an hour. Then I fell asleep. At 3:30 Dani was prodding me awake, we were here.

Dani smiled and said, "Vacation Baby!" I nudged Mike awake.

He said, "Skiing here I come!" We all disembarked and walked through a foot of snow to Anderson Lodge. I was in a room with a bunch of Junior girls and loved it. Davina, Cat, Miranda, Marleigh, and a few of the snotty girls.

That evening Sky, Mike, Tristan and I were sitting in the commons. We were talking about all the letters we had received from various colleges. Sky was talking about Temple University down in Philly, he had received a letter from there. Mike was all hung up on MSU. Tristan was saying about sending his applications out. He wanted to go to Loyola in Chicago. And I was talking a bit about the various ones I had received. I was pretty interested in St. John's just outside of NYC though. The phone behind the desk rang.

The guy called out, "Is there a Tatiana Yagudin here?"
Sky said, "She's outside, Hold on." Sky threw on a pair of boots and ran out to get Tati.

Mike said, "I wonder what's up?"

I shrugged as Tristan said, "It's gotta be important for her parents to make a long distance phone call." Sky reentered with Tati on his heels in her ice skates. I was amazed she could run in those things!

She picked up and her face lit up when she heard who it was then she said, "Hi daddy!" Her face fell the longer she listened then she said, "Okay, I get it you're joking! Nice one Father!" Her face fell again. She said, "oh okay, tell her to take care, thanks for calling. Bye, Love you too! Bye." She hung up and came over to the couch. She flung herself upon it and Sky sat next to her and wrapped her in an afghan. Tati spoke softly, "That was my dad."

Tristan prompted her, "And?" Tatiana sat there not responding.

Then she said, "I promise I'll tell all of you tomorrow, it just needs to sink in!"

Mike nodded and said, "Take all the time you need Tati." Sky gently kissed her. Tati laid back and started falling asleep.

Sky woke her saying, "Tati, you have your contacts in!" She reached for a pillow in front of her and heavily swung it at him.

Mike said, "See Sky, that's what you get for messing with the BIG T!" Tati threw it instead across the room and it hit Mike full in the face!

"Not nice, Tatiana." I scolded with a smirk on my face.

Tati grinned, "Yeah, Molly, but someone's gotta put these big boys in place, and it may as well be me! And besides! It's too fun being mean!"

"True, Miss Tati! Well it is a good time to go to bed. So nite all!" I said as I left and went up to my room and fell fast asleep. That is until I felt a nudge, I looked up and there was Mike.

He said, "Come on Molly, I wanna talk to you." I grabbed my robe and we walked to a dorm, it wasn't one of the schools, Mike must have rented it for himself. He said, "Sit down Molly, he indicated a spot on the bed besides him.

I said, "I'm not that stupid, Mike. Guys like you do things like this to try to get me to sleep with them so they can brag to all their little friends. Sorry Mike, I won't do it! I'm still a virgin and plan on keeping it that way!"

He said, "Uh Huh. What about after that night Molly?"

I knew what he was talking about, I responded, "The night Jason took me to that club illegally?"

He said, "Yeah, I was there Molly, you were stoned. How would you have know what happened between there and home with Jason?"

I said, "Shut up Mike."

He said, "Maybe you're not as pure as you're telling me."

I spat venomously, "Mike, I don't remember, you're probably right, but I don't consider that! It was against my consent, that's called rape."

He said, "You remember Molly. I know what rape is, but rumor said you were the one who started it. I know that's not true cuz I saw you. You were in no state to start anything!"

I snapped, "Just drop it!" I didn’t want to be reminded of my fault. I knew perfectly well what happened that night, normally I just choose to pretend it never happened. With a softer voice I said," Mike, I know that's not what you wanted to talk to be about."

He said, "Yeah you're right actually I wanted to talk to you about Joe."

My mind went totally blank as I said in a dazed voice, "Joe?"

He said, "Yeah, Joe." Mocking my dazed voice.

I said, "He is the last person I want to talk about right now Mike." Yet, I still sat down next to Mike, I realized I really trusted him.

Mike said, "I know that Molly, but something has to be established or, I know, I can not trust myself to stop taking it too far."

I said, "You really care about me, Mike, no other guy would ask me that."

He said, "well yeah, Moll, is there any chance of you two getting back together?"

I said, "I want to, I just don't know if my heart wants to trust him again."

He said, "I don't think Joe ever meant for it to go as far as it did."

I said, "Well I wanna believe that too, but I can't. He has the will to make it up and fix it, he chooses not to!"

Mike said, "Maybe he doesn’t know how to make it up to you, he might want to, but is unsure how."

I said, "Not Joe, Joe is one of the smartest people I know, there is nothing he doesn’t know how to do."

Mike said, "So if you had the choice, I wanna know, would you want to marry him someday?"

I looked Mike in the eyes and said, "Yes, I think I would. I love Joe and….." It was too late, I realized I had just shoved the purest love, Mike, outta my life. I started crying. Mike tried to figure out why I was crying I couldn't tell him. I pretty basically said, 'the fuck with you, I want Joe.' I sniffled out, "I have to go back Mike."

He said, "Love ya Molly." That only made me want to cry more. I ran back the girls dorms and locked the door. I cried and only after I heard Mike leave did I unlock the door. I fell upon my bed and cried myself to sleep. I had a dream that night, Mike was standing there watching me walk down the aisle at my wedding. I didn’t see Joe at the alter, it was Mike instead. I reached the alter and realized I wanted Joe instead.

I screamed, "NO! JOE!" I woke up in a cold sweat. I slowly fell back asleep and I didn't remember the dream too well the next day. The next morning I woke to Mike nudging me.

I groaned, "Mike!"

He grinned and said, "Up and at em Sleepy Molly!" I reached behind me and threw my pillow at him. He said, "Oh Molly!" I pulled my covers up around my head. This was way to early! He complained, "Come on Molly! No time for this funny shit! It's 10 and you got a skiing lesson at 11:00."

I said, "I said no skiing so no way I have a lesson!"

He said, "Yah, I'm the teacher."

I groaned and said, "Then I'm really not going!"

Mike leaned over and pulled back the covers whispering, "Yah you are. You can find I'm very persuasive." He lifted the covers and crawled in. I felt very exposed with an undershirt and shorts on.

Mike nipped, "You're scared I can feel you tense up Molly." I tried to relax to prove him wrong but I couldn't! Mike was so close to me. His touching of my bare shoulder killed every fiber of control in me. My brain was trying to remain calm. I was seizing up in an attempt to remain composed. Mike gently kissed my shoulder making me weak. I think I was going weak because of the amount of passion he placed in his kiss. This made me want him to continue. The opportunity was smacking me in the face. He said softly, "Molly…." Then a moment later he said shakily, "I have to stop, I have to, it's going to far." I was thinking, 'no! you can't! I need that ecstasy you give me from touching me.'

My voice came out almost unrecognizable, " No, Mike, please….. don't stop."

Mike responded, "I'm sorry Molly, I can't take you like this." Did he mean what I thought he meant by 'Take you'? For once in my life I wanted to do the unthinkable. I wanted Mike and his body.

I whispered back, "Mike, I want you to."

Mike climbed out of bed saying, "No Molly, it's not for me to do. I don't hold that right. You lost it once, wrongly, so I can't mess up the true time."

I bickered back, "Who gives you that right to take me?" Answering my own question I said, "I do. And I'll gladly give it to you too."

Mike said, "It's not for you to decide Molly." Mike leaned over and kissed me gently saying, "I love you Molly."

This was my moment to get what I wanted, I said, "Prove it!" He turned back to look at me.

His eyes held a rather awkward look and then he smiled saying, " That's Joe's job."

I said, "Mike! If you loved me you'd understand!"

Mike turned around and said rather sharply, "What's there to be understood?"

I said, "I never meant what I said last night! I screwed myself, You've shown me so much love, and I basically spat in your face."

Mike said, "No, you reacted the way I expected you to. I knew you and Joe were perfect together, he just made a mistake, a mistake you need to help him fix. Don't double the bubble of trouble."

I said sadly, "Mike, no, I can't forgive him."

Mike said, "Yeah Molly, you can, if you look deep inside you I know there's a part of you that can forgive him. But seriously Molly, Like I said last night, I can't lower myself that far. Don't get me wrong Molly, there's nothing more I'd like than to have the honor of stripping you of your true virginity, it's just I can't do that if you're still in love with Joe."

I said, "But I'm not!"

He said, "You know that's a lie, I can see it in your eyes Molly."

"MIKE!" I protested. Mike smiled and turned to leave. Then I must have lost all sanity! I ran as fast as I could then pinned him from behind to the door. Then I softly whispered, "No, Mike, please, I'm scared, I don't want to loose both you and Joe."

Mike turned around and gave me a reassuring hug, "We're both here." He said placing a hand over my heart. "And you know it, Molly. And deep down you want to forgive Joe."

The tears began to fall, "You're right, I do." Then I was beyond any more logic. Mike was right, I wanted Joe, I needed Joe. "Hey Mike, I'll… see you down there I guess." I finished lamely. I got dressed and went down to breakfast, arguing with Mike made me extremely hungry. I went in to the cafeteria, it was 10 so breakfast was going to end in about 15 minuets or so. I grabbed a bowl of Special K. and a coffee. I sat down at a huge round table where the rest of the Destiny's group was sitting talking about plans for the day. Mike sat down quietly next to me. Joe looked between the both of us and just shook his head continuing to eat.

Tati said, "Okay everyone, I have something to say. I don't think a lot of you knew but, last night I got a phone call from home. It was my Dad."

Dani said, "Is everything alright?"

Tati's face lit up and she said, "Couldn't be better, well… here it is….. My mom's pregnant again!" Dani squealed and Sky looked dumbfounded.

Marty said, "That's.. What? Four?" Tati smiled and nodded happily. Sky got up and hugged her.

She said, "I can't believe it!"

Sky said, "Can anybody!? That's GREAT Tati!"

I said, "Congrats Tati. Another little one to hold!"

She said, "Maybe you can hold this one."

I said, "Nope, it's a personal thing Tati. I just don't do that. I sit and gawk at the babies, I don't hold the babies. To damn precious."

"Alright." Tati said as she started eating her bagel again. I finished then went to the rental stand. I rented a pair of skis. I sat down and put them on. Tristan came up to me and sat down.

He said, "It's only a bit obvious you've never skied before Molly, the skis are on backwards." I looked down and realized the tips were backwards. I looked up at Tristan with red appearing all over my face. Tristan continued, "I'll go get Mike." I thanked him and switched my skis around. Mike skied over to me.

He said, "Come on Molly, Upsy daisy." I stood up rather shakily. Mike said, "Okay easy now, see that little hill there just go down."

I said, "Oh No you don't! Give me a crash course at least! MIKE!" Mike skied down the tiny hill towards the main ground. He stood there and opened his arms. I pushed down upon the ground with my poles. I went lightly down the tiny hill.

Mike stopped me and said, "See not so hard!" I smiled and he said, "Okay bunny slope now! Okay lesson one, stopping, a method called snowplow. Put your feet in a 'v' shape without crossing your skis. If you cross them you'll fall. Try it Molly." I tilted my feet into a 'v'. Mike said, "Just a little wider Mooly." I felt as though I was doing a straddle! Mike placed his gloved hands on my thighs and parted them more. I looked up and there was Joe glaring at me. I wanted to die, this was the worst scenario to be caught in. Mike with his hands between my legs. That's exactly what Joe needed to see! But as I soon found out he wasn't so innocent either!

"Hey Molly!" Dani called out as I entered the lodge after Mike's skiing lesson.

"Hey Dani, what’s up?"

She said, "I don't want to be the bitch bearer of bad news…"

"Do it, Dani," I demanded what could it be now?

Dani wrung her hands and said, "Well, I don't know if you heard the rumor, Joe and Mari?"

"I heard they were dating, Dan." I said holding my breath that, that was what it was. Dani usually found out things last anyway.

"No, the rumor they, um… hooked up?" Dani said uncomfortably.

I answered, "Hooked up? As in made out or all out sex?"

Dani said, "Rumor has it all out sex."

"HOLD ON! You better be kidding! Where did you hear that?" I yelled at her.

"Calm down, Molly, Lena told me she said Mari started it." Dani said herself trembling.

"This really can't be happening to me now! GOD DAMN IT!" I yelled.

Dani wrapped her arms around me, "Calm down, Molly. It's probably Mari trying to get some fake attention."

"Mari doesn't do shit like that." I said looking at Dani. Then I got up and walked down the hall looking for Mari in the lodge's small library. I got to the door and saw it was shut except for a crack. I peered in and there was Mike having a nice little make out session with Rachel Nardozi. I gasped and flung open the door. I must have looked hurt and betrayed beyond a belief. Then the only logical thing that registered was turn around and walk away. I didn't need to tell myself twice.

Mike got up and chased after me, "Molly, hey, we gotta talk."

I spat, "Yeah we do." We stepped into his room. He sat down on the bed and I next to him. My mouth shot off before I got a grip on it. "Mike, what was up with you and Nardozi?"

He said, "I told you Molly, I can't love you if you're loving someone else."

I spat, "I don't love Joe."

He said, "Quit it Molly, Quit fuckin lying to yourself. You know you two have a deep bond, he fell and scratched it, so what? Get up and keep moving. Forgive him!"

"GOD DAMN It Mike! I can't do that! Joe's an ass so are you, end of story!"

"Molly, what the hell's gotten into you?" Mike asked scared of my anger at that moment.

"Joe, Mari, sex. Got the picture?" I asked, "Besides it's the end of the story remember?"

As I got up and left I heard Mike whisper, "The end of us, yes, not the end of you and Joe." I stormed out fast and ran up to my room to get ready for the dance. I threw on my pink sweater, it was my least sexiest top and a pair of loose blue jeans. I put my hoops on and walked to the ballroom to meet my final night here. My night to close the book to my relationships with Mike and Joe.

The ballroom was filled with students in lots of cute outfits. I walked in feeling so lost. I felt so separated as though the whole room was frozen and I was the only thing moving. I'd lost Mike, I'd lost Joe, I'd lost Jason. I wanted things to go back before Joe and I fought. OR did I? Ever since I heard that rumor about Joe and Mari I've been questioning myself. What did Mari have that I didn't? The answer suddenly smacked me in my face. Mari is super sweet, full of serenity, and enjoys simplicity. I'm like the total opposite! I'm bitchy, loud, impulsive, crazy and the more elaborate the better. I figured I just wasn't what Joe wanted. I sat in a darken corner and started crying. I'd lost every thing I ever had and wanted.

All of a sudden I heard a very familiar voice softly say, " Molly?" I looked up and there was Joe just standing there. I felt my blood run cold. He knelt down in front of me tilting my head so he could look into my eyes. He whispered, "What's wrong dear?" I suddenly jolted. He had called me 'dear'? I knew I could be forgiven, Joe was so sweet and loving. Most importantly understanding! And I knew everything said about him was a lie.

I leaned forward into his embrace and softly said, "I'm sorry." Joe said nothing he only stoked my hair. Then he began to rock me gently when he found his voice.

"It's not your fault Molly, I love you Molly always forever, please forgive me, it was my fault, not yours."

I looked at him and said, "Joe, what happened, I heard, you and Mari, you and Mari." I couldn't spit it out.

"Had sex?" Joe prompted. I nodded. "Oh Molly, I heard that too! For the record, Mari and I never even kissed except for the Titans Challenge." I closed my and eyes and smiled. I knew he wasn't lying. I was upset with myself for believing that too!

"I missed you so much." I whispered. Joe pulled me close to him.

I felt a soft kiss on my neck as he whispered, "I've been missing you the better half of myself Molly. I let Li try to become that better part. Yet I discovered one thing, no body does it better than you love."

I cried bitterly whispering, "I love you, I love you, Joe."

He said, "I know, I know. Just one question, how? How can you forgive me for what I did?"

I said, "Mike told me to look deep inside myself and find the strength to forgive you. Just now I looked deep inside and saw I wanted to be with you more than anyone else. I need you Joe, I really do."

He said, "I know, and I realize after all this shit I need you more than anyone else, more than anything, with out you there's no me. We fit together like that."

I pulled myself out of his embrace to give him a proper kiss. I never wanted it to stop. I wanted to double the bubble. The bubble of happiness. No body burst my bubble as long as I've got Joe!