I close my eyes and try to see,
What beauty has excluded me.
I feel the spiteful looks of hate,
In smiling falsities they ornate.
Those I rather ignore, for ignorance is bliss,
Knowing that one day, they would cease.
Such childish jealousy,
For something that wasn't meant to be..
Understand this: We are young,
The song of elders should be left unsung.
What I wish to see however,
Are the times we spent together.
Remember the times when I,
Believed in nothing but your lies...
I ripped myself bare, cold to your judgment,
Expecting to hear kind words and encouragement..
But add another wound you did,
Onto this bleeding heart..
Like planting a doubtful seed,
Distrust will grow from this mark.
Forgive me from being so damn sensitive,
But I'll not allow a wall to concieve,
I'm sorry for the times I pushed you away,
But tell me, really, have you ever cared?
Another mistake I allowed myself to commit,
Was allowing myself to admit,
That though I decided to love you in silence,
You learned of the secret I tried to keep.
Somehow you grew in control,
Over my heart and over my soul..
Whenever you said yes, I couldn't say no.
Whatever you want, I couldn't deny.
The only thing I wouldn't let you, is to see me cry.
I wonder if you ever noticed,
Shadows of pain and reminise.
I'll be strong, because I'm not weak,
And though I may not be the one you seek,
I'll promise you a place you'll never be removed,
A place where you'll never be refused.
Lastly, I just wish to say,
Perhaps it's unwise of me to stay.
I'm the cause of painful dissapointment,
And with a blade I could fulfill this life's payment,
Death awaits all...
But can I be the first to fall?
I bear the sin of brutal truth,
Over the years, this is only my fifteenth,
I choose to go first because,
I'm the misery in whatever cause.