This is a song written to the tune of “Ballad of a Sleepwalker” by Kyle Alden (who is my uncle and is an actual musician, unlike me), and I am pretty sure you can find that song online if you’d like to try. Meant to be sung calmly with moments of great strength. It’s about how things have changed, and it does appear rather silly but I find it very sad.

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PART THREE: THE IDIOTS’ LAMENT: A SONG OF THEIR UNIVERSAL SORROWS formerly titled LAMENT OF THE Y2K BUG

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Gone are the days of Doug and Hey Arnold

Gone are the days of that sweet Britney Spears

There’s nary a boy band now topping the charts

For they’ve all gone off on their own, on their own.

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It’s been three years since I’ve seen a single Steve Young jersey

Jerry Rice no longer graces my team

Rocko’s Modern Life won’t come on ‘till five in the morning

And oh how I want actual music TV.

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Elmo thinks he’s better than Big Bird and Oscar

He lives in his own little world nowadays

Mr. Rogers has moved out of the neighborhood

His trolley is broken and the whole town’s a slum

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We used to play handball and kickball and four-square

Now we play poker and B.S. and Speed

No more do I hear “Down By the Banks” sung

Whiffleball is rarely revived, rare revived.

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My feet wear high heels, not jellies with sparkles

The swish of a skirt instead of pink leggings

No more do I cringe at the tough of a boy

Cooties don’t matter, we’re immune, we’re immune.

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I don’t own any of the characters or television shows mentioned, in case that was bothering anbody.

I would greatly appreciate any comments or criticism.