Monday morning insomnia

“I can’t sleep!” screamed Marcus.

“I assure you this device will make your life a thousand times better than it used to be,” uttered an unknown man with a rather energetic voice.

“But you don’t understand I want to sleep! But it’s just that…” said Marcus before been interrupted by the unknown man.

“What sir? You think it might be too hard to get this perfect solution for your problems. Well think again! Because with this ultra special TV offer I will not only give you this…” then the rest sounded to Marcus like this “stupid piece of shit but I will also give you this other piece of shit that has no use whatsoever. Yes you will also get this video showing you how to use this piece of shit hosted by a highly inebriated me. And that’s not all I will also charge the living shit out of your credit card for a full decade… That’s right I’m going to charge you a bunch of money each month for a decade and this piece of shit won’t even last that long! So pick up the phone now and let me rip you off!”

So by the time the crappy infomercial was over Marcus had pissed off the neighbors by laughing hysterically – he has quite a loud laugh – at 3:30 am on a Monday morning. George the next door neighbor knocked on Marcus door at about 3:45 am. This old military veteran was one very angry man that night. If it wasn’t for Bertha – his wife – George would have taken his elephant rifle with him that night. Instead George had a bat.

Clueless, as always, Marcus walks towards the door. Still chucking from the infomercial he reaches for the door knob. George knocks a couple of times more with great strength. He was very strong for a man his age. The door opens slowly and an onslaught of insults was about to fall on Marcus and maybe even a beating. When door opens completely Marcus is on the floor with a pool of blood under his body.

When the poor old man saw that he started feeling severe chest pains. Marcus still on the floor opens one eye and chuckles. When he sees the old man grabbing his chest, slowly falling on the floor and having a hard time breathing well he stands up from the pool of blood to try to help him. When he does, the old man looks even more surprised than before and faints right before Marcus said it was all a joke.

Marcus starts screaming to the old guy trying to see if he was still alive. Obviously he was freaking out. Looking all around and trying figure out how to do CPR. He gave up CPR and ran towards his phone to call 911. He makes the call and then runs towards the front door to see how the old man was doing.

When he gets there a man was searching the old man’s pockets.

“What the hell are you doing?!” screamed Marcus at the man searching the old man’s pockets.

“I’m stealing your victim’s stuff. What do you think?” said the now self-proclaimed burglar.

“But, but he’s not my victim. What the hell are you talking about?” said Marcus.

“You look like a newbie. John never told me a newbie was gonna tag along with us. If you’re gonna be a good burglar you got to check everything. You never know what this old fuckers might have with them,” said the burglar while he turned George’s body so he could search the crotch area.

“What the… don’t do that!” said Marcus.

“Hey Luke check this out! We hit the jackpot this guy has a very nice TV. Man I always wanted one of these!” said another man coming from the living room. “Who the hell are you?” said the man that was carrying a 27 inch TV from the living room.

“I’m, I’m…” said Marcus in a futile attempt to say a coherent thing. In a split second Marcus pushes the guy with the TV. By then the other guy that was searching George figured out that Marcus was not another burglar but the owner of the house. So he pulled out his gun and shot Marcus in the leg.

The burglars afraid the neighbors might have heard something quickly run outside towards their van. They were completely dressed in black and you could barely see them. From the distance you could hear the sirens of the ambulance nearby. The ambulance rapidly turns into Tobermory St. the one where Marcus’s house was. The ambulance was going extremely fast down the street. The driver of the ambulance failed to see the two burglars that were crossing the street and hits them.

They literally just fly into someone’s front yard and pieces of a TV are everywhere. The ambulance driver quickly looses control and hits a nearby house. The owner of the house was just arriving at that moment when he saw the ambulance ram into his house. He quickly gets out of the car and runs towards his house. The ambulance entered the house through one of the walls of the master bedroom. The man peeks inside the bedroom to see if his dear wife was alright.

The poor man was desperately calling for his wife. Near where he was standing you could see the mailbox that read “The Shaws.” When he finally managed to look inside the bedroom his wife was completely naked in bed on top of another guy.

The enraged Mr. Shaw walks back into the street towards his car. He sees the gun of one of the burglars lying in the street near his car and picks it up. The poor Mr. Shaw looks back at his house and then looks at the gun. He starts crying and then his face turns extremely red. Sadness turned into madness and suddenly he walking rapidly towards the house. When he enters the house and then the bedroom he starts shooting at everything there without even taking a look at where he was firing.

When he finally opens his eyes a couple was sitting on the floor completely and utterly terrified. There where bullets everywhere except in the naked bodies of the couple. When Mr. Shaw takes a closer look at the woman he notices that she is not his wife.

The confused Mr. Shaw nervously says: “I’m sorry. I’m gonna… eh walk to the phone and call the police.”

The still terrified couple was lying on the floor and backed into one of the corners of the room. Then a man covered dressed in an all leather outfit comes out of the bathroom and says as he opens the door of the master bedroom: “What the hell was all that noise?”

The “Leather man” (that’s what was written on the back of the leather suite) stares blankly at a room with an ambulance breaking out of a wall and a number of gunshot holes in the furniture, the walls and even the electronics. Then he looks at the terrified naked couple in one corner of the room and he faints.

All the houses quickly start lighting up. When suddenly there was a huge bang and all the lights started to turn back off. The whole street was left without power because part of the TV had hit the main transformer of the street and caused a malfunction.

As all the people in the street start coming out of their houses to figure out what was happening. A barrage of cops and lights appear almost out of nowhere. A helicopter soon arrives, and all the cop sirens were quickly turned on. It was about 4:45am.

A cop screams from a speaker: “We have you surrounded! There’s now way you can escape so please just give yourself up.”

All the residents of the Tobermory St. had no idea what was going on and covered their faces to avoid the blinding lights. Then a bunch of more sirens could be heard from afar. Soon about twenty fire trucks arrived at the scene. By then all the local networks had a van there to cover the news live or whatever it was that was happening.

The cable news channels were alarming of a terrorist attack on Tobermory St. while international news were saying a well known terrorist was about to be captured by US forces in Tobermory St.

In the corner of Tobermory St. and Denis St. little Jack was laughing while he petted his black cat named Cornelius. His mother quickly grabbed him by the arm. He had her cell phone and was apparently doing prank calls. The mother figuring the whole situation was her kid’s fault goes up to the mess of Cops, Ambulances, Firefighters, reporters and angry residents to tell them it’s all my son Jacks fault. The all look at her rather amazed and there was a long silence afterwards. Then finally a cop said: “Mam’ please, do you have any idea the amount of things that happened here today?”

Then she said rather nervous: “No… but whatever it is I’m sure my kid did it and he will explain.”

The cop chuckled and then let her see all the things that happened. Then a loud gun shot was heard. It was a shot from George’s elephant rifle which was in Bertha’s hands. She then screams: “Could you all just shut up! I’m trying to sleep! And GEORGE you better not be hitting that kid Marcus with that bat of yours and turn off that cursed TV I hate those infomercials!”