My Name

I was given a name my parents had seldom heard before, but a few days later that all changed. This was not only because I was now a part of their lives, but also when the newspaper came on the first of January, it revealed that Brittany was the most popular girls name of the year.

I remember first learning to write it. My mom wrote my name on lined paper several times, and told me to trace it. I carefully ran my pencil on the strange symbols, quite frustrated. The lines were squiggly, and they ran far off the designated place, but it was my best. That was the first time I ever wrote, but I had been writing in a different way long before… in my mind. It’s amazing now, when I look back and realize that even then how a name, an identity, meant so much to me. I understood, though I hadn’t yet realized it.

You see, I had another name, and it was a secret. She wasn’t me, but close. She was the girl who was able to go to the places I couldn’t. Sarah was the girl who lived in the mirror. She was also the clean room police, a friendly giant, and orphan girl who worked at a circus, and eventually the image of how I felt and who I wanted to be. But few know this… all they know is that Sarah will be my first daughter’s name.

Eventually Sarah will understand that what her name is isn’t what matters. It’s what you do with it. But until then, she is Sarah, and I am Brittany. And I am working to put something to that name. Because it’s mine, and even though I share it with teenage girls everywhere, what’s attached to it is something only I have.