Funny Away Messages, a Humor fanfic

Welcome to Fiore’s special hotline:

If you’re Mamoru, press 1.

If you’re some loser, press 2.

If you’re an escaped midget from the circus, press 3 repeatedly until you can’t anymore.

If you don’t know who you are, press 0 and log off immediately.

(Presses 2 or 3)

If you’ve called to choose flowers for your garden, press 1.

If you’ve called for tips on how to outsmart and hide from the ringmaster and other circus people, press 2.

If you’ve called because you came across this hotline and you’re so much of an ass that you’ve stayed on the phone to see how this hotline works, press all the buttons on the phone like the baka that you are.

If you’ve called because you have problems, need someone to talk to or simply because no one understands you, press 0.

(Presses 0)

I’m sorry. I can’t help you. Please hang up and dial this number again.

Hi, I’m Karasu and I’m currently looking for Kurama. If you want me to get back with you, please leave a message so I could either ignore you or kill you.

I wish I could IM you back, but I seem to be in a bit of a situation here. You see, I was playing around with Seto Kaiba’s virtual pods and somehow I accidentally got trapped inside. Now my face is pressed against one of the computer screens, trying to get out.

If you’re wondering who’s at one of the computers right now, it’s probably either someone who has come to rescue me or someone wandering around this place who I have either bribed, sweet-talked or blackmailed. I don’t know. But I know it is someone who I asked to write down these words.

I’m in the hospital right now, because I was electrocuted by Tsuya. So I’ll get right back with you as soon as I get out. Ponder the Bob!

I got kicked out of Taco Bell because some superstitious Spanish Christians started yelled and going crazy since the food I ordered came out to $6.66. I couldn’t see what the big deal was since luckily they gave me a cent off. I mean, they kept calling me “diablos” or “the devil.” But I must admit, it was funny. Sorry I can’t IM you back, so please leave a message so I can ignore it anyways. I’m too busy plotting other ways to drive them insane.

I was watching one of the Fruits Basket video clips that I downloaded on my computer and it was one from episode 2. You know the scene when Yuki asks Tohru if she told her friends about the Sohma family curse? Well, I must admit that Yuki looks cute as a little kid in a kimono. (Okay, so now I’m starting to sound like Canduce!) And you know what else? You know the scene when chibi Yuki asks if he is so strange that he has to hide the fact that he changes into a nezumi (rat) when hugged by the opposite sex? Well, Akito sounds like Yuki only older. I mean, he sounds like a FREAKIN WOMAN! If you read the manga, then you probably know that it ways that he’s really a WOMAN all this time! But how can you be a woman and not know it? How can you be a guy and not know it? I’m sorry but I can’t IM you now. I don’t think I’ll ever will, but you can come back to read more of my insane ramblings.

Sorry I’m on vacation. No, I won’t tell you where. If you are my editor, don’t come looking for me.-Liz’s Furuba Away Message

(Starts playing Aerosmith’s “Dude Looks Like a Lady” as BGM)

If you’re wondering why these lovely ladies are part of my bishounen shrine, confidentally they’re not women, except for one. (Holds up picture of Akito) I don’t know why Natsuki Takaya made this dude a woman. I got reviews for The Prince Isn’t All That He’s Cracked up To Be regarding this SPOILER. I mean, there’s nothing feminine about him—her. Anyway, this fanfic that I have written can be found on fanfiction. Net. Um…I’m sorry I can’t IM right now. Since the reviews for this fanfic seems to be growing by the day, I have to let them know that I’m still alive by updating but you can come back to read more of my ramblings.

I am currently deaf from hearing Matt Osorio (is that how you spell his last name?) singing, so I can’t IM you back. What do you mean I don’t have to hear in order to IM you back?!

Is Mr. Pinzur for real? I mean the guy’s obsessed with trees! I wonder if he could be one of the Doom Tree aliens on Sailor Moon. If only he had a flute and a pack of tarot cards, his life would be complete..

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