Notes to Self

Liz is easy to fool. If you say to her, “Look behind you. There’s a demon.” She’ll fall for it.

Fake long nails are okay. Fake short nails are just not right.

Your boyfriend doesn’t like your obsession with anime guys.

If you choose to write about a role model, don’t pick the speech therapist as your role model. She has no personality.

Don’t be a kiss-up to a teacher who is undesirable.

I see dumb people. They’re everywhere. –Kat

You Know When Philip Neris Watches Too Much Roots When…

-Mrs. Hoffstein says to him that the class will be doing work and he complains saying that he’s not Kunta Kente.

-He starts saying quotes that the slave owner in the movie says to Kunta Kente: “Your name’s Toby.” And Mrs. Hoffstein says it’s inappropriate.

Not all the medication, love and therapy in the world can treat you from your chronic case of insanity. You are crazy by choice.

If you want to cut class, go straight to the library after the bell rings. That way the librarian won’t ask you for your pass and campus police can’t get you in trouble since they’re in the cafeteria most of the time.

Before you tell the truth when you get in trouble, ask yourself this: “Am I willing to give up this privilege just because of something stupid?” If the answer is no, lie.

Next time you plot a kidnapping plan, try kidnapping your friend(s). Kidnapping children is so overrated. Besides, kids can sometimes be so useless and a little company that you enjoy can come a long way.

Never give unwanted advice.

The weirdest saying I ever heard is quoted, “You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.”

After a few days of skipping your gym class, your gym teacher asks you, “Where have you been?” (But you know that old Grinch was so smart and so slick. He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!) You say to him/her that you were in guidance. That way you don’t have to make up any work.

If you hate school, drop out. Then run out of town, change your name, wear a disguise (a beard is even acceptable), and live in another area. If you run into your parents (who are probably looking for you so that they could punish you and take you back to school), tell them your alias, speak the foreign language of the area you’re in and/or speak with an accent and act like you haven’t met them before.

When you get older, you can look back on all the crazy things you did and laugh.

Random is a way of life.

It is okay to have obsessions. That’s what makes a person interesting,

You can give a horse water but you can’t force it to drink.

In Japanese, vowels, such as u and i, are almost silent in some words.

The one-handed clap is quite amusing.