Author's Notes: This story was inspired by a very sad piano piece called "Looking Back" by Jim Brickman. If you can, I'd advise listening to that while reading this. It's pretty sad, or I tried to make it sad. Tear-jerkerish. Meh, I hope it's a good read. Cya! (And reveiw, because you love me, right?! XP)

Goodbye
By The Gemini Sage

Here I stand, waiting.

Waiting...for what? A miracle? A sign from God? For you to come running up to me and wrap your arms around me again? What am I, crazy?

I miss you...

Well, I guess anyone would—I guess, whoever knew you—would miss you...

Jesus. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. It’s just so hard, you know? One morning I wake up and you’re there beside me, and I can snuggle close to you, be safe in your arms and nothing can ever, ever hurt me. And then the next morning I get up and all that’s next to me is a cold empty place where you used to be.

...you know, the trees look so pretty in autumn. All the different colors are so beautiful. I remember we used to sit on the bridge eating vanilla and chocolate chip ice cream when we were kids and watch the trees underneath us...and every time a train came by, we’d spit over the rail just to watch it land. Sometimes we threw the chocolate chips over, too, remember? I bought myself ice cream and went to that bridge today, but it wasn’t the same without you...no trains came by.

Oh, hey, you remember that job down at the hobby store I applied for? Well, I got it. It pays great. About a month ago I bought that dream house you and I picked out on our wedding anniversary. At first, the rooms felt so big and empty and lonely without you...but I got used to it, I guess. A lot of times I still dream of you, though...I’ll wake up and say your name but the dream will have already faded...and I'm alone again.

A lot has happened in a year. I learned to play baseball. I know that was your favorite sport. I'm terrible at it—I can’t run the bases fast enough or pitch properly—but I know what a home run is, and I can at least hit the ball now. And I go to all the Boston Red Sox games. I leave the toilet seat up sometimes, too. Just to remember how mad I used to get when you did it...do you remember that? All those silly little fights we had, where we wound up tickling each other till we couldn’t breathe?

Terry graduated high school, too. I was so proud of him...you should have been there. He missed his father so much. He left for college a week ago—he got into Harvard, can you believe it? The house is even lonelier without him, but he got me a pet dog to replace him, and she helps. I named her Hope.

I was thinking of you.

I remember our first kiss. You told me you loved me—not like, but love. You said you loved everything about me. And me! I was so crazy from all my stupid ex-boyfriends being jerks I hardly believed you. And I told you to prove it.

You proved it all right. I'm surprised there weren’t fireworks going off in the distance.

Speaking of fireworks, I went to see the show in July. It was a lot of fun—I bought cotton candy and everything. I remember when you proposed to me at that show. Got down on one knee and told me you wanted to marry me.

I told you to prove it, and you slipped the ring on my finger.

And that time there were fireworks going off as we kissed because you’d planned it that way. I laughed. Right now, I’ve almost forgotten what that’s like.

I—I made something for you. It’s a copy of one of my art projects. I took a picture of Terry, and me, and you, and I put them all together. Like a family. Terry looks a lot different, now, but that picture looks as though it was taken yesterday. Even though you’re not here anymore.

Here, I’ll put it beside the flowers your mother brought. They’ll hold it down in the wind. I used to hate cemeteries because I thought they were all windy, but I visit this one so often...too often. And I realize now that graves don’t make wind, wind comes and goes anywhere it pleases.

So here I am. Waiting.

At night, I leave the front porch light on. I know it’s stupid, but I feel like it’s just in case you come home from work...and crawl into bed with me again. I know it won’t happen, but...just in case. So you can find your way home. I keep waiting...

A year, though, is a long time to wait...

It hurts, dammit. Everyone tells me that’s okay but it’s not. It’s not okay. I cry myself to sleep at night wrapped in your jacket because it smells just like you, but it’s just not the same without you being there.

I miss you. I miss you...

...God,. it’s freezing out here. Is it night time already? I should get going...people will worry about me. I just, I came down here, to say something, that I didn’t get to say...before...before you left. So I’ll say it now.

Goodbye...