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i wrote this cause i was depressed cause no one cared. kinda like i feel right now.
I’m With You
My heads is spinning. ‘Why, why, why…” It keeps repeating in my head like a broken record. Why did I have to do it. Why did I have to do it today? Why did I have to ask him out? I knew he wouldn’t say yes. They all hate me. I’m plain, uninteresting, and stupid. I’m 15, I’ve never had a boyfriend, never received a love letter, and never had a boy have a crush on my. My life is crazy and I go with it. Why couldn’t he have said yes? It’s not fair. Life has a conspiracy against me.
I’m sitting on this bridge. It’s so high up. There is a river flowing below me. Why don’t I have the courage to jump? Why? Why? It always comes back to that one word. I pull my sleeve back and run my fingers over the ink on my arm. The ink formed the word of my nightmares. Why did it have to be this way?
I close my eyes and listen to the stillness. The silence pushed in on me. It squeezed me and laughed at me. It was trying to suffocate me. It pounded in my ears. It was nothingness. No one was there. No one was looking for me. It was because they knew I’d come back eventually. Maybe my body will wash ashore. What will they think then? They won’t miss me. That’s why they don’t look for me.
The rain is starting. I knew I would come. It’s pounding so hard. I’m so cold. It was a really chilly evening and I forgot to bring a jacket. I’m shivering. My hair is sticking to my face and my thin blue shirt is drenched.
I look on either end of the bridge and visually search the woods for a familiar face. But maybe they are searching for me but they just don’t know where I am. I know that’s not true. They probably don’t even care if I’m out in the rain.
I take a soaked picture out of my jeans pocket. It’s the only one who loved me, my adorable puppy Sasha. So desperately do I want to be loved. Why can’t the world just go my way for once? I hate being alone. I wish at least me dog were here. She would help.
My life is such a mess right now. All I’m good for is making people mad. I wish someone could just come take my hand and lead me away into a fairy land. But there are no fairytales in life. Just look at the lightning that has just started. Lightning flashes and thunder booms. It’s scary.
As I sit, I curl into a little ball, with my head hands wrapped around my ankles and my head resting on my knees. I’m so lonely. Tears mixed with rain until I couldn’t tell the difference. I don’t wanna be here. I wanna go somewhere new, somewhere I’ve never been.
My arms and legs were growing numb. I could tell I was still crying, but the tears were unnoticed. I just wanted someone to hold me, someone to keep me warm. And then warm arms snaked around my cold body. I didn’t know who he was, but I was warm and felt safe. I turned and buried my head into his shoulder and just cried. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. I never looked into his face. I just stared behind him with my head still on his shoulder.
“Who are you?” I whispered. He hugged me close.
“Someone who cares for you.”
“Thanks.” I smiled. “I don’t know who you are, but I’m with you.”
