I live with this every day
I wake up and know I haven’t forgotten yet
And I immediately feel a desperation for the day to end
Just so I can have those few moments when everything is okay
And then I am alone again. I have to get on with my life
I wish I could hold onto that time and make it even more precious
My time is going away
One day I will not say “See you tomorrow”
I’m starting to panic on the inside
I have nothing to grasp at anymore
With everything working against me, I’m surprised I haven’t grown more bitter
Those times are exactly everything I need
I can’t tell you how important you are to me
It wouldn’t come out right
And I know I am an embarrassment to you anyway
You yourself told me
But if only you knew
If only you knew what I have to tell you
If only I could say certain things
If I hadn’t dug myself so far into my secret hiding places
I want to show you where I hide
But that would terrify you
I’ve tried in the past and even that was too much
It’s not like I know how to get out
It’s not like I haven’t tried
I am far too away from you to draw near
You don’t know how much I need you
Would you ever try to find me?
I’m trying to find you
I’ve been searching a long time for you
This is something that I accept you will never know
I have to accept that I will live an unrequited life
Maybe I just have to grow up
I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning anymore
I’m starting to panic on the inside
It’s understandable. I’m an embarrassment
My dream is that you would see me the way I see you
Before I blind myself
I have nothing to grasp at anymore
I’m slipping
Will you not look at me?
I have in my hands a delicate crystal swan
I can see your reflection in it
I put it on the shelf next to spilt ice cream and the memory of looking at the stars
Not only did I let the shelf fall down, but I knocked over the wall too
That’s when my heart cracked
When I reach out I only touch the fence that’s between us